Enough
by campbti
Summary: TV show based. Set after E13. Chuck/Blair. and others. This is dark, so don't read if it isn't your thing. Reviews appreciated. Enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Reviews and critiques are welcome. I hope you enjoy. And I don't love the title so any suggestions are appreciated. I plan to be done with this by the time the new episodes air. This begins about 8 to 10 days after the end of the final episode. TV based. 

For Mary: who always encourages me to write.

Chapter 1

She knew the absolute moment when the planets aligned and everything fell into place. That moment of clarity when all the things that seemed so confusing and obtuse suddenly become so obvious that you feel a little stupid for being so slow. She wondered how it happened for other people, a bright white light, a light bulb going on like an old cartoon. Although hers had the feel of a silly cartoon or a really bad late night comedy skit, full of falling and slow motion. 

The reason it registered so clearly was that in the absolute lack of feeling the smallest spark radiates like a lightening storm. It had been over a week since her world had ceased to exist, since the entire life she had known had suddenly evaporated in front of her. The darkness had descended on her so swiftly it threatened to rob her of the ability to breathe.

Why she allowed Serena to convince her to stay was a mystery. Maybe she actually believed what Serena was telling her, that she could fight back, win even. That she was Blair Waldorf and she could survive this. But she knew better now, knew that the weakness that crept into her brain and forced her finger down her throat all those months ago would win in the end. The depth of her despair frightened her at first but then she stopped feeling afraid, she stopped feeling altogether. Stopped being happy or sad, angry or hurt, even hungry or tired. Blair was dead her body just hadn't figured it out yet. She was never really sure what broke her, until now.

She was putting a book in her locker, not even sure which book went with which class, or where she should be next. None of it mattered anyway. Then as she turned to her left, something caught her book bag and spun her further into the hall. A freshman was horsing around and knocked someone who hit someone else until it was a ridiculous scene. She was falling forward until she came into contact with something steady, felt hands at her waist and shoulder. 

Her right hand clutched at a lapel her left sliding under a jacket and grabbing a fist of cotton. She lifted her head and let out a squeak more than a scream, it was probably the most noise she had made all day. Then she felt it. Her eyes connected with his, and the air came rushing out of her lungs as her entire chest tightened up. Her fingers tingled and itched to touch the skin beneath the Egyptian cloth. Her knees scraped khaki pants as they tried to stand instead of fall. Suddenly her body was on fire, waves of heat were crashing off her neck and face, her lips stung and her head spun. 

His eyes were gentle, kind, the way they had looked at her on her birthday, full of promise and understanding. She mirrored the half smile on his face, and he murmured, "Trouble walking today Waldorf?" 

The easy voice and smooth delivery was all him. Sweet and sass. Then it all changed, as if he realized who she was, or who she had been. Then his eyes turned cold, just like the night the world ended. He righted her, and then moved away as her fingers lost their grip and grazed down the fabric till it was gone. Until he was gone, down the hallway with her left standing still. Perfectly still as if she could hold the moment in place and live in it for a while. Time seemed to catch up to her and the familiar numbness descended and took hold to the bone, and she thought for a second she had imagined it all. Imagined the feel of it, that it was still possible to feel anything but nothing. And then he turned, just slightly over his left shoulder. It was too quick and she couldn't tell what he was thinking but he had looked all the same. 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks to all who reviewed, you have no idea now much it means to me. Hopefully you will continue to like this story. Any suggestions welcome. 

For Mary: who always encourages me to write.

Chapter 2

The rest of the day was spent like all the others before in an endless hallway moving between rooms passing by people she had once thought of as friends or those too far below her social status to warrant consideration. Now they were all the same, faceless beings weaving in and out, a light buzz of chatter she neither heard nor cared to understand. 

As she sat in a class, she didn't know which one, it didn't matter, nothing did. She focused on the feelings from earlier, the seconds of time her body felt alive. It was as if she couldn't fully remember her life before, couldn't remember being happy or vibrant. There were flashes of existence gone to soon. A moment with her father making Thanksgiving dinner, running around with Serena in Central park, and his mouth on hers soft and then not. Had it been so long, it seemed like another life time and it was. Blair Waldorf was dead, what stood in her place was a poorly constructed knockoff, incapable of anything besides the basic subsistence. 

Eternal night, or damnation she wasn't sure which. She had searched her formidable vocabulary for some word, or phrase, an elegant poem of old that could encompass the full measure of what she was feeling. And after a lengthy and exhaustive search what she came away with was, nothing. She felt nothing, she was nothing, and none of it mattered. It was strange at first it was like a snake shedding its skin; except she wasn't the new and rejuvenated snake she was just the skin, the shell of her former existence. 

She lost all grip on reality. She didn't sleep so much as crawl deeper into the void and shut out the nuisance of life around her. She ate when Serena made her, got up to go to school because Serena told her it was for the best. It just seemed easier to comply it wasn't worth the effort to argue. She just didn't have it in her. After the 2nd day she had basically stopped speaking, just breathed out one or two word replies when a shrug didn't satisfy Serena, everyone else she simply ignored. 

She understood now, the drug users, the people who tried to kill themselves. An attempt to escape what you had become, to get back an inkling of the thing you had before. Even if what you got was merely a mirage at least for a moment there was something. When there was nothing inside and no reason to breathe, what was the point really? 

When it all came crashing down it was so overwhelming that she just stopped. Stopped functioning, coping was too hard, fighting was impossible, the mountain was simply too high the ocean too wide back to where she had been. Never once had she stopped to consider when she reached the point of no return, what had been the straw that broke the camels back. Then suddenly today like a strike of lightening she saw it, so clearly now. 

Chuck. She had lost Nate before, and Serena, forgiven them for their betrayal, had lost her father and her mother, well did she really ever have her. But Chuck he was her constant, her conspirator, her friend, her lover, her world. Why she had never seen it before she couldn't be sure. If she had to guess it was something Serena had said about when things didn't go according to her plan she ignored them. Well Chuck was never part of her plan, she never considered having to plan for him, he just was. 

On that final day she had been ready to concede he was right, her plan was old news, he would help her construct a new one. But he was cold, horrible, and dismissive. Just as she had been to him earlier but this was different, he was supposed to be her safety net, he had done all this to make her come back to him, hadn't he? 

"I don't want you anymore, and I can't see why anyone else would". She hadn't said anything else, couldn't, no air. She paused for a second a long silent breath where her head screamed for him to take it back. But he didn't take it back, didn't say a word, just finished his scotch and stared off into space, like she wasn't worth the effort to look at her. She doesn't remember now leaving so much as ending up in front of her building, seeing her mother and hearing about France. Run was all she could think, run to the end of the earth, anywhere but here. It was all set and the chopper was ready, but Serena had talked her into staying.

She'd like to blame her, but she can't. Serena started over so she was sure Blair could. But Blair's not that strong, hasn't learned to stand on her own yet. She doesn't think she ever will now. She wants to blame Serena for being her mother's favorite, instead of her own daughter. Wants to blame her father for leaving her for a newer model. She blames Nate not so much for sleeping with and pining for Serena, but for not being honest with Blair that he hadn't loved her in a long time if ever. She blames Chuck for manipulating and conniving instead of telling her how he felt, even if he just wanted to win. 

But mostly she blames herself. She should be able to look in a mirror and know she's pretty without her mother's approval. And she knows her father loves her, he stuck it out with her mother for 16 years, hell that was good for anyone. Nate would have left her years ago if she would have only let him. Serena and Chuck were who they were, her best friend and her soul mate and she had made each of them suffer for it. 


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I appreciate all the reviews, especially when you tell me a line or something that really works for you, it means so much. It keeps getting darker so if that isn't your thing, don't read on. 

For Mary: who always encourages me to write.

Chapter 3

The bell rang and she was pulled out of her musings when the girl behind her knocked her in the shoulder with her bag. The old Blair would have jumped up and told her that her little faux pas would cost her. The new Blair just simply didn't care. She picked up her bag and moved on.

Stepping into the courtyard she saw him. His back was to her, but there was no mistaking the dark hair and signature scarf. She would have laughed at how predicable and eccentric he was all at the same time, but she didn't have it in her. She didn't have anything anymore. Her heart had been shattered, her spirit decimated, and her soul was simply missing. Thinking back to earlier, she wondered if she could somehow exist in the time she was with him. A few moments a day of warmth in the darkness, wouldn't that be enough. She had learned to need very little, just a shimmer. 

She moved toward him, completely void of any plot or scheme. No idea of what to say or how to act. Just the thought that if she could be close to him, hear him talk, touch him and she could fill the endless void inside if only for a moment. 

He turned as she walked up and he almost collided with her. She was so close if either of them took a deep breath they would be touching. He was holding a cigarette in his left hand just at his shoulder. She stared at it, at his fingers holding it gently but firmly. The way they held her, those fingers that had gripped her shoulder, her thigh, had caressed the side of her face and the inside of her body. She had apparently stared too long as he finally spoke up, "would you like a drag," he bit out sarcastically.

She met his eyes and as she had been doing for days acted on impulse, without thought or deliberation. She smiled, or as much of one as she was capable of these days and replied, "Yes, I think I would." 

With that she reached not for the cigarette but for his hand. She brought it to her mouth and settled her lips around the object that had just been pulled from his. Drawing in the smoke with no idea what to do with it, she concentrated on the swirl of pleasures ripping through her. Heat radiated out of her fingers and down her arms as if she was drawing the warmth directly from his skin. Her lips just grazed the inside of his fingers; she was vibrating with the power of it. The smoke tasted like him, it was so overwhelming that her eyes slid shut for a flash before she was forced to exhale for lack of knowing anything else to do. He pulled back and her hands slid off his, pulsing as if begging for more. His eyes were clouded when she focused on them, and his voice was softer "you apparently need some lessons on the proper way to do that." It was his usual sarcastic tone and she nearly swooned, had she ever known he had this effect on her. 

"I suppose you would be the expert", her body was throbbing as if it was the most significant conversation she had ever had…maybe it was. 

He gazed at her as if he were trying to put together a complex puzzle, and finally he shook his head as if to shake out the thoughts running through it and said "well if I ever start a class I'll be sure to let you know." And with that he backed away.

She watched him until he closed the limo door and the car moved down the street. Blair stood transfixed, focusing on every sense, every cell in her body. Trying to capture each sensation wanting to hold on to it, but again it lingered for but a second and then it was gone. By the time Serena came up to her all the life was gone, the darkness all that remained.

At the second call of her name she turned to the only other voice she heard these days and followed along, it was simply the easiest thing to do.

She curled up in her bed; Serena was giving her that look again the one that seemed to perpetually be on her face these days. The one that said 'it's going to be ok, be strong, things will get better…' Yada yada, and endless other helpful pep talks. What Serena didn't seem to understand was that it wasn't going to be ok, she wasn't strong, and there was no better. 

Redemption was beyond her grasp, she would say she could hope for something to cling to, but there was no hope. Only nothing, and with that she shut her eyes, shut out Serena and the world and clung to the flash of kind eyes that gave her the only 2 seconds of peace she had known in a lifetime.

Somewhere in the darkness she caught upon an idea. It was strange she was so comfortable in the dark now, too comfortable maybe. Someday she would just slip into it and never come out. But now she thinks she can find a faint star in the vast sky, something to hold onto, something to help her breathe.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Again I can't say enough how much your reviews mean to me. Still dark and getting darker for a while, so stay with me. 

For Mary: who always encourages me to write.

Chapter 4

She looked beautiful. It was funny how she could see that now. The image staring back in her mirror, long brunette hair, porcelain face, stunning by any standard. It was strange how easy she could still make herself up and put on the perfect dress. Apparently all those years of trying to attain perfection set in deep, she went through the motions flawlessly. Yet she couldn't possibly have cared less. 

Serena wanted to go out, thought showing Blair a good time would help her heal. It was strange that she didn't get it. But there was just no way for Blair to explain it to her. Serena was an eternal optimist, someone who saw the good in people, in everything. She wanted to believe in 'happily ever after' but Blair didn't believe that anymore. This was a wound that time wouldn't heal. However, if she could just be with him, a look, a touch, maybe she could string those moments together into a semblance of a life.

They were meeting at the Palace, and she went early, wanted to do it now, see him now. She knew if she waited any longer even he might not be able to fight the darkness. She saw him at the bar, felt a pull deep inside that kept her moving forward. She slid silently up into the chair next to him; an eerie déjà vu washed over her and then was gone. He didn't turn and she didn't speak. Blair wondered when she had become so comfortable in the silence, and when his presence had become so calming. 

Finally he turned to her, so slowly it was as if he was battling with himself as to what to do. That was silly really, Chuck always knew what to do, what he wanted. Her eyes were empty, her face void as it always was now. He stared at her for what seemed like ages, and finally let out a long sigh. " To what do I owe the pleasure?", no caustic tone or self-assured glibness, he just sounded tired. She knew that feeling all to well.

"I wanted to see you". It was strange when all your dreams and fears where gone that the simple truth was just that, simple.

He smiled then, for only a second but it seemed to ease the tension in his face. Putting his drink to his lips he replied, "well it is nice to be seen". 

He was staring at the wall and she at him, and the silence was deafening. She didn't feel the electricity that she had felt before, none of the blinding flashes, or heat waves, but the slight glow of the moment was enough. Anything was enough.

"I miss you". Again truth seemed to escape without all the machinations that had always permeated her words in the past. 

Suddenly the truth seemed to be the exact wrong thing to say. 

His head spun around so hard it would likely hurt in the morning. "What", and now he was yelling. Most of the bar looked up, but Blair never flinched. 

"Now you fucking miss me. What the hell Blair? You use me to get over Nate and then punish me by making me watch your little charade of a relationship play out. And then just to make sure that I know how low I am, I'm the last stop on the poor pitiful Blair train wreck. Well, I. Don't. Miss. You! So fuck off." He bolted from the chair and exited the bar like a tornado. 

The bar returned to normal in a matter of seconds and the only evidence of the storm was the single tear falling down Blair's cheek.

When the bartender asked if she wanted anything she nodded and spoke so softly it was a good thing the bar wasn't loud, "Whatever he was having". The bartender nodded and soon sat the drink in front of her. It burned her lips from the start, just like he had. She could feel the trail of the liquor everywhere it touched, just like him.

She finished three of them before Serena and Dan spotted her and she turned to the voices, but with little recognition. 

"Hey there, are you ready to go." Blair wondered how Serena could manage that eternally cheery tone, it would have made her head hurt if she had any feeling left.

She nodded and turned to the bartender who putting his hand up said, "Don't worry Maam, I'll but it on the gentlemen tab." His smile was kind, Blair simply nodded, Chuck would never notice and somehow it made her feel connected to him.

On the ride to the club she played back his words, he was right, she had done all of that. Could she make him understand, did she really even know why she did the things she did. Knowing that even when he was yelling at her it felt better than when he wasn't around was likely a sad commentary, but it didn't change the fact that it was true. 

Maybe tomorrow he would just sit with her again. Until then she would just sit in the darkness and wait. 

The club was loud with pulsating lights and bodies to match. She didn't really hear it, didn't care enough to try. She would sit quietly and sip at a drink and nod when Serena asked her something and then go home and let the darkness take her back.

Then suddenly her eye caught something, the rush through her system threatened to send the liquor she had consumed hurling out of her. Out of the nothingness the explosion of pain sent her almost reeling. She ached all over at once and the stabbing in her chest made her want to cry out, but her throat was closed shut. 

The girl was more in his lap than out, her tongue making circles on his neck. His head was back and then suddenly he pulled her by her hair and slammed her mouth into his. She was straddling him now and his hands were on her ass. 

Blair thought it wasn't possible to feel bad anymore, but this was as if her heart was being ripped from her chest. She gasped for breath but her lungs didn't want to cooperate. With the last ounce of self-preservation she had in her she spun around and lowered her head trying to stay upright. 

She though nothing was worse than the darkness, nothing more terrible than the void she had become, but this was. So much worse it was like being set afire but not burning up just made to burn, this was Hell, and it was worse than any sermon had ever led her to believe. And suddenly it was enough.

Serena was standing in front of her when her head came up, and she looked worried, as always. Luckily the music was so loud that no one heard how shaky her voice was, "S I'm gonna go home, I'm not feeling too well, I think I drank a bit too much."

Serena smiled in that way she did and cooed at her, "Oh alright, well take the limo then and sleep well, I'll see you in the morning." Hugging her tight she watched her walk out of the club. Smiling up at Dan, "I'm sure she just needs some rest." 

He hugged her and looking over her head at the display across the room he sighed, "Yes I'm sure that's what she needs."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Reviews and critiques are welcome

A/N: Ok, to all my reviewers you mean the world to me. I hope that I continue to live up to your expectation. Having said that, I know where this story goes, and for the time being it goes darker, so again if not your thing stop now. Otherwise stay with me and we'll get there in the end. 

For Mary: who always encourages me to write.

Chapter 5

Blair made it home and to her bedroom, running on the same autopilot that had led her through the past two weeks. She opened the bottom drawer of her vanity, picked up the scarves and tossed them on the floor then found what she was searching for. The pill bottles lay on their sides, calling her. She picked up one and then the other and set them upright on top of the silver hand mirror. Glancing down to close the drawer she saw something shimmer, reaching her hand in she picked up a key. Recognition brought a new wave of agony that caused her to sway in her seat. The key Chuck had given her to his suite so that she could seduce Nate. Visions from such a long time ago, two lifetimes at least. 

Then she knew what she wanted to do. She would take one last bit of warmth with her when she left. Picking up the bottles and tossing them in her purse she walked out of her room and out of her house with the key still firmly in her hand. 

As she rode the elevator up to the 18th floor she wondered almost absently why she wasn't more upset, more conflicted. But that was Blair, when she made a decision she stuck with it, wrong or right. The peace this decision promised washed away any doubt, if there was any there in the first place.

She heard the key click in the lock and the door swung open. His room was immaculate as always, though twice-daily cleaning service probably didn't hurt. The bed was made a soft light glowing beside it, curtains open with the moonlight shining in. She stared at the bed trying to form an image in her head of sharing it with him, waking up in his arms. Kissing him goodnight, reaching for him in the shadows. No images came, she was beyond that now, there was nothing left but the emptiness and the darkness. 

Blair set her purse down on the nightstand and took out the two bottles. Walking back toward the bar she passed his partially open closet door. Swinging it back for a better look she saw all his shirts lined up, perfectly pressed and spaced. School shirts and dress shirts arranged by color. She reached up to touch the soft fabric, running her fingers by the sleeves, one after another. Then she hit upon a yellow shirt with maroon stripes and she stopped, a perfect reminder of her first mistake. She remembered that day, but now the only color in the frame was his yellow shirt and her red tights. That was the day she had chosen Nate and her dream of a perfect life over him. Had started down the path that brought her here. 

Without thought she reached up and pulled the shirt from its hanger. Slipping out of her dress she pulled the shirt over her head. It draped her body and as she hugged herself she let out a deep shudder. She was breaking apart now and there wasn't much time. 

It was strange at first, when the darkness had come. It was heavy and overwhelming. Then it began to feel less and less like anything at all. She felt like she was in a room that had slowly been deprived of light, until there was only pitch black. She knew there was furniture in the room, walls, a floor but she couldn't find them. It was then that she saw that small pen prick of light that in total darkness could illuminate a room. But it had been snuffed out now. Now there was no more furniture, no more room, no anything, just a vast and endless nothingness. She had become a black hole devoid of matter, or air, or life. And in that environment nothing could survive.

She walked to the bar and found a half empty bottle of scotch and a glass. Walking back to the bed she opened the bottle and poured the glass almost full. Setting it down gently on the nightstand she reached for the first bottle of pills. It was strange she had no real reason for stealing them in the first place, just an opportunity. Her mother thought they had been lost in one country or another, but they had waited in Blair's drawer for months. Waiting for what she was never sure, she wasn't a drug person. Had smoked some pot, even tried a tiny bump of coke on her gums once, but never anything substantial. 

Now she saw a means to an end, a final end, it had been enough. 

She swallowed one pill after another, was up to two at a time when she reached the second bottle. She had to refill the glass of scotch 3 times. But then she was done. Done with the booze, the pills and the sad existence her life had become. 

She crawled into the bed, felt the softness under her skin. Her fingers tips rubbed gently on the edges of the shirt, grasping at the last bit of him she would be allowed. Her body convulsed, a reaction to the liquor or a last horrible sob for what she had destroyed for what could never be. Finally reached up to turn out the light and gave in fully to the darkness.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Reviews and critiques are welcome

A/N: Thanks for all the amazing reviews. I hope this chapter will answer some questions, though we still have a ways to go. 

For Mary: who always encourages me to write.

Chapter 6

One hour earlier

Serena and Dan walked over to the far side of Chuck's booth. She hadn't known he would be here, but she wasn't really that surprised. The last couple of weeks he had become the worst of himself. If he ever made it to school, he reeked of alcohol, and housekeeping told her that his suite had become a revolving door of sluts and hookers. She knew that everything that happened was somehow tied to Chuck but she just wasn't sure how. Just as she was about to turn and leave he saw her. 

"Well sis, so good to see you here." His voice was hollow and crass, his eyes bloodshot attesting to that fact that he was predictably drunk. He rolled the girl off him with a practice that made Serena quiver with disgust. Failing to even look in her direction he made a waving motion with his hand in the girls direction when she protested.

Serena watched the girl storm off and looked back at Chuck who was taking another swig of his drink. Shaking her head she turned to Dan, "I have to go talk to Iz for a second, are you good here." She smiled and kissed him quickly on the cheek before retreating to the other side of the dance floor, knowing his answer would have been no.

Dan sighed heavily and flopped down on the end of the curved booth as far from Chuck as he could get. He watched him from the corner of his eye; saw what the others failed to see. Dan was an observer, not like the S's and B's and C's of the world. They were doers, but he was content to watch from a distance. 

His perception was acute, he noticed everything about people and the one thing he knew with absolute certainty, Chuck Bass was broken. He hid behind his persona and everyone assumed he was simply up to his old tricks. Dan wasn't that oblivious. The anger and hurt radiated off him heavier than the stench of booze and sex. 

Dan wasn't stupid and he had never liked Chuck but he saw him for what he was an overindulged brat with daddy issues. The trouble was the Chuck of old was happy in his ways, perverted and crude, as they were, but happy. The guy who sat beside him tonight was wasting away in a stupor and trying every way he knew how to drown in it.

Serena whirled by him and flounced on the seat next to him. She was giddy and beautiful and Dan realized not for the first time that he was powerless against her. She drug him out onto the dance floor and he tried his best to just not look stupid.

As the night wore on, Chuck's mood seemed to sour if that was possible; he glared at everything but his drink. Serena smiled at Dan and whispered in his ear, "I think I should go and check on Blair, I'm just so worried about her, she just isn't getting better."

'No' Dan thought, 'she's getting worse'. He smiled and said, "Let's go". 

"Ok, just let me run and say bye to Iz and Kat, I'll be right back." And in a swirl of flowing blond locks she was gone. 

Dan sat back down to wait and looked at Chuck again, who was staring out into the mass of undulating bodies, though likely seeing none of them.

Dan's thoughts warred inside his head, but he just couldn't seem to stop himself. He really hated this do-gooder soul he had been burdened with. Letting out a huge breath he turned to the man next to him.

"Chuck, I know it isn't my place but there is something you need to know."

Chuck turned on him with a look somewhere between, 'Go to Hell' and 'How about I send you there." He turned back toward the stage but Dan was more persistent than he gave him credit. Besides Dan didn't want to look into the endless days and night of dating Serena with Blair as a depressed and barely conscious sidekick.

"Look, I just wanted you to know that Blair, she's not all right. She's really messed up and it seems like you are the only thing that ever brings her out of the coma she walks around in." The look that Chuck shot him would have sent any normal upper east sider running for the hills, but Dan knew he wasn't the source of Chuck's anger. 

"I know that Blair chose Nate over you, but you had to have expected it, it's Blair. She constructs a perfect world to live in and doesn't allow anyone to move the furniture. Whatever happened between you guys, she cares about you, I think you're the only thing left she even notices anymore. Have you seen her, I mean really looked. Damn it Chuck you know her, better than anyone, she's dying inside."

"Yeah Nate did a number on her huh." Chuck was spewing pure venom now and flecks of his drink. He was holding the drink so tight if the glass hadn't been so heavy it would have shattered in his hands. How dare that low-rent ass tell him about Blair. He knew about Blair, did he ever.

Dan shook his head, "It's not Nate. Serena says his name and she doesn't blink, he walks by her at school and she doesn't even look up. But you, she stares at across the quad." 

Chuck was staring at him now, listening but far from believing.

Dan sighed again and ran his hand through his hair. "Look I'm just telling you what I see," he looked up to see Serena moving toward him. He stood up and leaned toward Chuck, "And if you don't believe me check her notebook. Serena hasn't seen it, but the last I counted there were eighteen pages of nothing but doodles of C's and B's, and the troubling thing is I don't think she even knows she doing it." With that Dan turned to Serena just as she arrived and took her hand, "Ready to go."

"Yeah," she beamed back at him. Glancing past him to Chuck she just shook her head as he stared back out into the crowd, the liquor slowing swirling in his glass.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: To all who have reviewed you rock. Please continue to tell me what you think, it means so much. Ok, so I'm sure this is predictable but it has to be this way. This one is short cause the next one is LONG.

For Mary: who always encourages me to write.

Chapter 6

Chuck hadn't moved in the 10 minutes since Serena and Dan left. He could almost feel Dan's words reverberating in his head. 'She's messed up.' 'Coma, dying inside.' 'eighteen pages of C's and B's' He was trying to make sense of it, he knew she was hurt and upset. He wasn't blind. Walking around school her books clinched to her chest, head down, hurrying to get away from the prying eyes and not so hushed whispers.

But all this was Nate's fault. For leaving Blair, for not loving her enough, for not giving her what she needed. Chuck knew from the moment he touched her that he shouldn't have. Knew that she would be a need he couldn't quench. But how do you stop yourself from taking the one thing in the world you've always wanted but never been allowed to hope for.

Then the inevitable, he wasn't good enough. He knew that, his father had told him enough times. This was different; Blair had always appreciated the parts of him no one else could tolerate. He could be his worst around her and she would scoff and swat at his hand, but she would always come back. And she had, he supposed, but by then he just couldn't be second place, it hurt too much.

The liquor still swirling in his glass, he tried to make sense of what Dan had said, especially the part about the notebook. Then the images from the last couple of days, the look in her eye in the hall when she hadn't seemed to want to let go of him. In the quad taking a drag off his cigarette when he knew she didn't really smoke. Tonight at the bar, "I wanted to see you, " her voice so warm his chest had clenched. "I missed you".

"SHIT!" Brooklyn was right. He slammed down his glass so hard that this time it did break. Turning to the door he flipped open his phone and told his driver to meet him out front.

Settling into the leather he remembered how he reacted. "I missed you." The butterflies had flipped over but then burst into flames. The anger had blindsided him and he was yelling at her before he really realized what he was doing. Though he hadn't been quite as harsh as their last exchange he was sure that she'd never forgive him.

He chuckled then; did he even want her forgiveness? Unfortunately the voices in his head where screaming that he did. Dragging himself out of the car he walked into the hotel trying to figure out what to do, would she talk to him and what the hell did he want to say anyway.

Scenarios were running through his head as he opened the door to his suite. He was halfway across the floor before he came to a dead stop.

The soft moonlight made her ghostly white, her skin so smooth it didn't look real. He moved toward the bed on instinct, questions racing through his mind. When he reached her the vision was better than any dream he ever had. He sat on the edge of the bed and traced the outline of her jaw with his fingers when his eye caught hold of something on the nightstand. Suddenly his dream was a nightmare.

His hand reached for the lamp and as the light flooded the room he saw the two empty bottles, one on its side and the nearly empty bottle of scotch. Chuck's eyes flew back to her face the panic rising inside of him.

"Blair!!" He was shouting as his hands cupped her face, she didn't respond. Her head lolled in his hands and he felt the side of her neck for a pulse. Unsure of whether the tiny thumping was from her heart or if he was simply willing it to be there, he realized there was no more time to lose.

He flipped open his cell phone and yelled at his driver to be out front, grabbing the bottles and a piece of paper under them and shoving them in his jacket pocket with the other hand. Slamming the cell shut he threw the covers back and gathered her in his arms.

Waiting for the elevator while cursing slow old buildings it dawned on him she was wearing his shirt. The image of her in his clothes wasn't working out the way he had hoped, but then none of this had.

He reached the car, telling the driver to go to Presbyterian hospital. He held her tightly in his arms, her face so pale against the bright shirt. Chuck wanted to talk to her, tell her he was here now and it would be ok, things he should have said before. He prayed to any God that he could think of to be given just one more chance to try.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Reviews and critiques are welcome

A/N: This might be a little sappy, but I'm a sap at heart so I go that way now and then. Thank you so much to all who reviewed, it means so much and it makes me write faster. Please let me know what you like and don't. Hope you enjoy.

For Mary: who always encourages me to write.

Chapter 8

His driver pushed the door open as he squeezed her tighter entering the ER, hoping there was still time, time for so many things.

"I need help," he yelled, a nurse came around and then a doctor when they noticed the body in his arms. A gurney was soon rolled in front of him.

"Put her down and let us help her." The nurse's voice was soft but firm as she gripped his arm and he realized he hadn't let go of her. Setting her down gently he stepped away.

The doctor was checking things, spouting words he didn't understand then he realized the doctor was talking to him. "What did she take?" Chuck didn't miss the accusatory tone but he didn't have time to be indignant.

"I found these on the nightstand," pulling the bottles from his pocket. As he put them out for the doctor to take he noticed the crumpled paper and the scrawling on it. Shoving it back in his pocket he tried to listen to the doctor's questions.

"Do you know how many she took?"

"No."

"Do you know how long ago?"

"No."

"Do you know if there was anything else, anything stronger, illegal?"

"No." his voice getting louder and more exasperated. 'Fuck' did he know anything, could he not help her at all. 'You don't care what happens to her, you threw her away remember.' The voices in his head were mocking him now.

"We'll do everything we can for her."

They wheeled her away and he followed. The nurse turned and blocked his path, "you need to wait in the waiting room."

Chuck may have been young but his face turned menacing. His voice was ice and steel, "I'm not leaving her, not again."

The nurse normally would have sent him away but the pain in his eyes didn't match the anger in his voice. She relented, "stay here and don't get in the way."

Chuck simply nodded and turned his eyes back to Blair. They had ripped his shirt open and were hovering over her, instruments being attached to her skin, needles pricking her hand and arm. Every breath he took seemed to hurt, his hands itching to hold hers', stroke her hair and tell her it would be ok.

Then, she died. The monitor went flat, a piercing electronic scream, and everyone moved at once, yelling then backing away as her body came up off the bed. The unnatural contraction made Chuck want to vomit, this wasn't happening not like this. His fingernails were biting into his hands and he couldn't seem to stop himself. "Blair," his shout just a second before, "Clear"; and another convulsion of her body that would haunt him for years to come.

But then redemption, a tiny beep, followed by another and another, a steady stream that was the most beautiful symphony he had ever heard.

"Alright put her on oxygen, and we need to pump her stomach now."

The doctor was then in front of him, "you need to step out and let us do this, she wouldn't want you to see this." The man's voice was low and even, his eyes telling Chuck it was for the best.

Chuck nodded, but grabbed the man's arm as he turned, "bring her back to me." The doctor nodded and gently turned him and closed the curtain behind him.

He stood for a long second trying to breath, to process to understand. Wiping his hand across his face he recognized the coldness on his face to be something he hadn't felt since childhood, tears.

He put his hands in his pockets and began to walk away when he felt the paper against his fingers. Pulling out the wadded paper and straightening it, the air was wrenched from his chest as the message flew across him. Starring down at the words in Blair's familiar scrip, his eyes slid shut but the tears flowed nonetheless.

_S, My best friend, I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough._

_C, My soul mate, I would have been so much more on you._


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Reviews and critiques are welcome

A/N: As always a thanks to my reviews, it means everything. One thing, I'm not a medical person so anything medical in the next few chapters I learned off ER. So don't get caught up in the hospital stuff, as it is all there to facilitate the story. I have hopefully handled it in an appropriate way for the subject matter.

For Mary: who always encourages me to write.

Chapter 9

He couldn't seem to take his eyes off the paper. If only he hadn't yelled at her last night, maybe this all would be different. So many things he should have done differently. Shouldn't have wrecked her Ball, shouldn't have sent that tip to Gossip girl, shouldn't have turned her away. He shook his head, regrets wouldn't change this, wouldn't make her better.

'I would have been so much more on you.' She would have, he would have made sure of it. And now, now he had a second chance. He could make this right; he would, for both of them.

Continuing to stare at the page in his hand it dawned on him, "Serena," his voice a whisper as he realized the call he would now have to make.

Pulling his cell from his pocket he scrolled and found her name pushed the button to dial and waited.

Serena was starting to panic now. There was no sign of Blair at her house, the limo driver assured her he had dropped her off and watched her walk in the door. Dan had gone back down to find her doorman to ask if he had seen her. Then her phone rang, looking at it she groaned, 'CHUCK', in nice glowing liquid crystal. She hit End before sitting on the edge of Blair's bed her head in her hands.

The phone rang again, 'CHUCK'. She answered angrily, "Damn it Chuck I don't have time for your shit right now…" She didn't get any further before he cut her off.

"It's Blair". His voice was too quiet, too somber.

"What, what's Blair, do you know where she is?"

"Yes, Presbyterian Hospital, hurry." Then the phone was dead.

Her face blanched as the realization hit her just as she heard Dan's voice. She didn't hear the words, it didn't matter she had to reach Blair.

Grabbing his arm and dragging him out the door her voice was frantic, "We have to get to her."

Chuck looked up as he saw feet stop in front of him. "Your friend is stable now. We were able to get most of the drugs out; we are giving her something in the IV now to counteract what was already in her blood. She's very lucky you got her here in time another 15 to 30 minutes and she likely wouldn't have survived. We are going to move her up into a room soon. She didn't have any ID on her, what is her name?"

Chuck was trying to take it all in, she was ok. Relief flooded him and he took his first steady breath in over an hour. Noticing the doctor was starring at him somewhat expectantly, he muttered, "What I'm sorry".

"What is her name?"

A moment of hesitation, then he responded, "Holly Bass". He wasn't about to let her name get out, another secret out in the public eye wasn't what she needed.

"Is she a minor?"

Without answering directly, "I'll call her parents." Though he had no intention of doing so, they were at least partially to blame for this and Serena could tell them if she wanted.

It seemed to be enough for the doctor, "Fine but they'll need to get here soon and provide some medical history and proof of insurance."

Chuck almost laughed then; somehow it was always about money. "Don't worry she'll be taken care of." The doctor nodded and continued down the hall. Chuck sat back down and waited for Serena, and that wasn't going to be pleasant.

Serena managed to tell Dan in that taxi that Chuck had called and said to come to the hospital. She had no idea what had happened, it was so Chuck to be utterly vague.

Rushing in the door of the emergency room she saw him sitting in a chair, feet apart, head back, eyes closed. She was yelling at him before she fully reached him, "Where is she, what happened?"

Chuck took a deep breath and stood up. Eyeing the blond in front of him he took another breath as her rant continued unabated. "Damn it Chuck what the hell did you do to her, where is Blair?"

Chuck looked at Dan, "Can you get her under control please before we all get thrown out of here." He was exasperated; he hated hysterical women, well except for Blair. Blair seemed to be the exception to every rule in his life.

Dan wrapped his arms around Serena from behind pulling her arms into her chest and whispering in her ear. Chuck couldn't really hear what he was saying, didn't care as long as she was quiet.

"Blair is stable the doctors are with her and they are going to move her to a private room soon, she's going to be fine." Might as well start with the good news and move downhill from there. Serena seemed to calm a bit with that, but it didn't last.

"What happened?"

"I found Blair in my room; she took some pills and chased them with scotch. I brought her here and she's going to be fine." He was hoping if he kept saying it out loud he could make himself believe it.

"WHAT?" Serena was screaming again, "Pills, what did you give her?"

Chuck had had enough, his nerves were shot and he wasn't about to waste energy he needed for Blair on Serena. His voice was low and cold when he responded leaning into her face, "I didn't give her anything, she was unconscious when I found her, the pills apparently belonged to her mother according the prescription on the bottle. So stop blaming me."

Dan had pulled Serena back from Chuck a bit, he knew that Chuck wouldn't hurt her, but he also knew when to give a caged animal some room. Chuck may not have wanted Serena to blame him, but it was obvious he was blaming himself.

All the fight seemed to go out of Serena then and she turned in Dan's arms and began to sob. "I didn't know Dan, I thought she was gonna be ok, I never though… I never…" She couldn't go on. Dan just held her and rubbed her back in small circles.

Chuck watched them and felt just the slightest bit jealous, to have someone to always depend on. He and Blair had been like that, was it possible to get it back. Shaking his head, he sat down again and waited for the doctor to come back.

Dan finally maneuvered Serena into a chair and she was quiet now, still clinging to Dan's shirt. The doctor reappeared and Chuck stood up, "How is she?"

Serena and Dan stood closely beside him waiting for word.

"She's sedated so she will likely sleep for a while. We have her in a room, but you might want to go home and get some rest I don't think she'll wake for several hours." He was pretty sure there was no way the intense young man in front of him was going to leave, but he thought it was worth a shot.

"What room is she in?" Chuck asked quietly.

"501, down the hall to the elevators and all the way at the end of the hall. But visiting hours are over so it isn't likely they'll let you see her."

Chuck laughed, but it contained no joy, "I'll figure something out." Putting out his hand he forced a smile. "Thank you for everything you did for her." After shaking the doctor's hand he started toward the elevator.

Serena and Dan looked at each other as if to acknowledge that it seemed to be the first time they had ever heard Chuck say thank you. Then they simply followed him, knowing if there were anyway to get to her, Chuck would find it.

Once they got to the 5th floor, they walked down the hall toward her room, but were impeded by a very large lady in a white uniform.

Chuck swept the woman aside and neither Dan or Serena could hear what he was saying but when he was done he motioned to them as the nurse turned back to the desk. Reaching her room, he tried to prepare himself remembering how tiny and fragile she had looked an hour before.

And she still did, dwarfed by all the white linen and big machines settled around her blinking bits of information that he had no idea how to read. He moved to her side and picked up her hand, it was warm as he curled his fingers around it. Gliding to the chair he smoothed a piece of hair off her face and leaned in as he spoke, "I'm here Blair, I'm here."

Serena moved to the chair on the other side and took up her left hand, Dan standing silently behind her. And for the next hour they listened to the steady beeping of the machines and simply waited.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Reviews and critiques are welcome

A/N: I hope I set this up so this feels right. If not let me know. Thanks to all my reviewers, I couldn't do this without your encouragement. Hope you like it.

For Mary: who always encourages me to write.

Chapter 10

The nurse was back, the heavy set one that Chuck had spoken to. She came around behind Chuck and put her hand on his shoulder, but she seemed to be speaking to all of them. "You all need to leave, I need to check her levels and medication."

Serena saw the look Chuck gave the nurse and it was almost pleading, he started to speak but she put up her hand. Smiling tenderly, "Just give me a few minutes, go and get some coffee, something, then you can come back."

Chuck nodded and then got up. Serena and Dan followed him from the room.

Once outside Chuck ran his hand through his hair, "Look why don't you guys go and get some rest, and come back in the morning, she probably won't wake before then."

"Chuck I'm not…" Serena didn't get to finish when Chuck spoke again.

"And you need to call her parents, I told the doctors I would but, well, I didn't. So do that, go and call them. Go to her house and bring her a robe or something for when she wakes up." He wasn't sure why he seemed to need them gone so much, probably just selfish and wanted Blair all to himself. He wasn't honest with others, but he could be honest with himself.

Serena relented then, "All right I'll call her parents and go get some of her things, she'd like that." She should have thought about Blair's parents, and clearly knew that there was no way Chuck would have called them. He didn't do parental confrontation, but then with a parent like his who would.

As they turned to leave, Chuck called out, "Dan." Sticking his hand out to shake.

Dan looked at the hand and then at Chuck, unsure of what was happening he shook his hand.

"What you said earlier, you saved her, I wouldn't have gotten there in time if you hadn't… well. Anyway, I owe you more than I can say." With that he pulled Dan to him and gave him two slaps on the back. Then stepped away and walked toward the other end of the hall.

Once Serena and Dan were in the elevator Dan finally looked over at her and realized she was starring at him. "What?"

"I'm sorry but did Chuck Bass just give you a man hug." While she couldn't quite get to a laugh her voice was light.

"Yeah, I think he did," sounding every bit as incredulous as he felt.

"What was that about, what did you say to him?"

Dan shook his head. He wasn't about to get into that. Simply said, "I just told him he needed to get it together."

And with that they made their way out of the hospital. It was now 4:20am.

Chuck looked down at his watch, 4:32 am. Damn this had been a long night. He was holding her hand again. The nurse, Helga, had told him that talking to patients sometimes helped. Unfortunately he had no idea what to say. More to the point he was afraid that she'd be mad if she woke up and saw him. He knew that he was wrong for a lot of things, but he hadn't exactly been able to work them out with her while she was unconscious.

"Where do we go from here huh? I suppose it can't get much worse, so there's that." He let out a deep sigh then, he wasn't great at one-way conversations. Taking a deep breath he tried again.

"I don't know why I was so awful to you, I guess I'm not good at being second best. Something changed that night at Victrola, in the limo, I'm not sure but something…" he reached up to weave his hands through a piece of her hair. "See now you have me all sappy and nuts, I'm out of my element with this, you should have seen that, should have known that I wouldn't know how to handle this right."

"I know how you like to be in charge and all so maybe you could just wake up and tell me what to do here, cause I'm lost, I'm lost without you." He kissed her hand wrapped in his and laid his head against her leg and looking up at her one last time his eyes slid shut.

It hurt, everything, everywhere. It wasn't excruciating but dull, an ache in her toes and to the ends of her hair. She wanted to move but couldn't seem to coordinate the effort. Speaking seemed impossible her mouth was cotton and forcing air out seemed to make the aching worse. Finally she managed to lift her five hundred pound eyelids and realized that she was dead.

Nothing else could explain why she could feel his breath on her hand, the weight of his head on her thigh. He looked beautiful, his face relaxed, his hair a perfect mess the way it always was. She didn't want to move didn't want to ruin this perfect second, but she did anyway.

He felt something move, the slightest push like the wings of a butterfly. Then the whole colony of them flew up into his throat at once, he opened his eyes and she was looking at him.

She was so afraid, he was looking at her, what would he do, say.

"Blair," he moved so fast she would have jumped if she had more strength. His hands on her face, he was so close now she could smell the lingering alcohol on his breath.

"Blair are you ok, say something, please." His thumbs were caressing the sides of her temples and she just wanted to stay in that moment with his kind eyes and his gentle touch. She spoke anyway.

"Chuck?" It came out raspy and sounded so weak to her ears.

He smiled then, that amazing one she hadn't seen in so long. "Yeah, I'm here."

"Where", it seemed like a legitimate response as best she could reason.

He grinned, so soft, so sweet. "Your in the hospital, do you remember what happened?" He didn't want to upset her, but he didn't know what else to say.

Suddenly it was like being hit by a bus, or so she imagined. A wind tunnel of memories rushing at her hard and fast, taking her breath away. "rode hard and put away wet", "I don't miss you", and then a yellow shirt and a bottle of…

"oh god," her voice was so small, but the panic in her eyes scared him. She tried to turn her head her eyes shutting tight, then her whole body trying to escape, to crawl into a hole anywhere.

He watched her squirm, knowing she wanted to run away. He wasn't letting her go alone this time.

Settling on the bed he pulled her up into his arms, she was fighting him but he did it anyway. "Blair it's ok, everything is ok, we're going to get through this. No matter what, I'm here. Do you hear me, I'm here."

At some point she stopped moving, just lay silently against him. He stroked her hair and kept murmuring in her ear.

"I…I took…then." She couldn't get it out, couldn't make it make sense.

"I know, I know. Hush now, just rest." He repeated it over and over until he felt the tension flow out of her body.

Laying her back against the bed he looked her in the eyes, "I'm going to get the doctor, but everything's going to be alright. I promise." He swept a lose hair out of her face and then got up to find the doctor.

When he reached the door she called out, "Chuck" He swung around "Yeah?" His eyes so soft, she wanted to stay in them forever. Maybe, maybe now she could.

"Promise me again." Her voice was shaky her eyes unsure.

He smiled again, a rare one that few outside this room would ever see. "I promise. Do you believe me?"

She returned his smile, not as bright but she was working on it. "Yes, I do." And she did. She always would, she could see that now. Wasn't it strange how the world showed you these moments, if you just stopped to notice?


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Reviews and critiques are welcome

A/N: Massive thanks to all my reviews. I LOVE it. I'm addicted ) I hope this chapter has at least some lightness after all the dark. There will still be heavy moments though but I'm trying very hard to get this done prior to April 20. Thanks again and I hope you like it.

For Mary: who always encourages me to write.

Chapter 11

The doctor finally finished poking and prodding her. It was annoying but not really bothersome. She kept looking up at Chuck, not sure if she was looking for comfort or just to make sure he hadn't run away.

She felt so strange sitting in this hospital bed, the last hospital, or clinic or whatever her mother wanted to call it had seemed so much worse. Strange when making herself throw up seemed so much worse than dying. Maybe that was it, maybe she died and now she was reborn. Reborn as…

"Holly, um, Miss Bass?" Pulled from her musing she looked up with a furrowed brow to the doctor addressing her, at least she thought so.

Suddenly Chuck was interjecting, loudly, "Yes HOLLY, how are you feeling?" He did some sort of strange nod with his head and she simply answered, unsure of what else to do.

"I hurt all over and my throat is really sore, big headache, but other than that. I'm alive so I guess that is good." She tried to sound hopeful, she felt pretty hopeful, for the first time in a really long time

Chuck couldn't help but laugh just a bit. He had completely forgotten about the name thing, he was pretty sure he'd have some explaining to do there.

"Well everything looks ok, your throat is sore because of the tube we had to use to pump your stomach. I'll give you a little something for the pain, but it will likely just dull it, I don't want to numb you up too much for a while."

"Ok, thank you."

The doctor slipped out of the room and Chuck came back to her side picking up her hand and holding it in his.

"So, Holly Bass??" Her look was adorable something between a confused little girl and a very amused one.

He smirked, he felt lighter now, talking and joking with her.

"Well Holly GoLightly is really such a porn star name I improvised." His grin was infections and she found herself grinning stupidly up at him.

"It is NOT a porn name," her emphatic statement punctuated by her finger poking him in the chest.

He laughed, "Seriously, Holly GoLightly, I mean Shay Sweet sounds less porn and 'A Midsummer Night's Cream' was definitely not Shakespeare." His voice going low at the end, dripping with innuendo and something so very Chuck.

She should have been appalled because clearly he hadn't made that up, but it felt so good to just banter with him that she didn't care in the slightest that they were talking about porn movies.

"You remembered?" there was the slightest bit of awe in her voice mixed with such a wave of warmth that he knew her favorite movie, her favorite character.

"Of course. You've tortured me with Breakfast at Tiffany's what four or five times. Besides I figured it was best not to use your real name."

"Yes, that's true." Suddenly it didn't feel as light. Her name, her parents, gossip girl, just a few of the many landmines she would now have to navigate. Blair felt the weight and tiredness settle over her. So much to battle, and she was just so tired.

Chuck watched, as she seemed to curl back into herself, to that girl in the quad clenching her books, head down, running, as far and fast as she could. He cursed himself for saying something that had upset her. Unfortunately he had known that the time was going to come that they would have to begin to deal with all this and apparently it had come sooner rather than later. Having made up his mind the second he saw her body convulse on the bed, when they shocked her back to life. If given the chance he would stand with her no matter what, he might as well start now.

Crawling up into the bed he pulled her to him and began to talk.

Blair had no idea what he was doing but the feel of his arms around her gave her such comfort she simply listened.

"I'm sorry about everything that happened, I know so much of it was my fault. But whatever happened then is over and you have to find a way to deal with it all. I know it sounds impossible but we'll figure out a way to get through this."

They stayed like that for a long time. Chuck could smell the faint mint shampoo still clinging to her hair. Her head was on his chest her fingers drawing strange outlines on his shirt, not realizing how it burned the skin beneath.

When she finally spoke, " I didn't want to die."

He waited, not wanting to interrupt whatever she needed to get out.

Blair sighed, not at all sure how to say what she felt. "I just didn't want to go on hurting. I messed up everything. It was all so, out of control, and I didn't know how to get it back. Then suddenly I didn't even know what it was that I wanted. S really tried, and well Brooklyn, he is kinda sweet." She laughed just a bit.

Exhaling a deep breath she continued, "I know this doesn't make any sense but when I would crawl in bed at night there was this vast darkness, so pitch and absolute. Then one day that feeling was there all the time, this overwhelming numbness. Nothing seemed to pierce it…. except you."

Chuck wasn't sure but he would bet that his heart was racing, he wanted to say something, tell her what she meant to him. But he stayed quiet and hoped he would get the chance.

"There was always this strange thing between us, some strange connection beyond friendship but undefined. Maybe it can't be defined, I don't know. But after all this I guess all my crazy dreams and plans went out the window and what was left was so simple. I need you in my life."

"I thought maybe we could be friends again, but then you didn't seem so inclined." She let out a deep breath then, all this talking seemed to be taking a toll on her but it felt so good to just get it out.

"Then I went to the club and you were with that girl and suddenly I couldn't breathe and there didn't seem to be any reason for trying anymore." Her voice finishing so small.

Chuck's eyes slid shut as a wave of regret swept over him so hard it forced the air from his chest. He hadn't known she was there, no one told him and worst of all he wasn't sure that it would have made a difference at the time. Realizing what she had probably seen his guilt was running off the charts now. "I'm sorry," it was all he could manage but the remorse lacing his words was evident.

She patted his chest gently. "Yeah me too." She sighed again, snuggling closer to him. Feeling his arms tighten around her she relaxed completely for the first time in maybe forever. It felt so strange to lay here in his arms, to tell him everything. No grand plans, no fairy tales, just two people trying to figure out how to get by in the world. This must be what love felt like, acceptance, peace, home, and it was enough.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Reviews and critiques are welcome

A/N: Thanks to all who have reviewed, I love it. Sorry if the last chapter sounded like the end, I didn't think about it but I guess it did. There is more to come, and I hope you still like it.

For Mary: who always encourages me to write.

Chapter 12

Blair woke up and felt the slightest touch in her hair. She shifted slightly and realized that she was still lying on Chuck. Feeling his hands in her hair she resisted the urge to purr. It wasn't sexual just comforting. Looking back it was so clear now. She could always be herself in Chuck's presence. Whether she was being a bitch or sweet or needy it was ok, he never judged her.

He helped her plan her schemes against Serena after she came back, offered to help her with Nate, and tried to get her to talk about the breakup. At Victrola he made her feel beautiful, gave her permission to be wild, to throw caution to the wind. He let her be who ever she wanted to be, never demanded she conform to his needs.

Blair knew now that she had spent her entire life trying to fit into other people's perceptions of who she was supposed to me. Her mother wanted her to be the perfect little girl, thin and beautiful. Her father was kind but their traditions never allowed for her to be anything but the dutiful daughter. Even Serena wanted her to be more fun and loose, and now, more kind and forgiving.

Nate, he was the worst. He didn't even know what he wanted her to be, except to be Serena. She should have known all along, and maybe she had. The time Serena was drunk at Thanksgiving and she walked in on them showering each other down. When she decided to have sex with him at her mother's party and as soon as her mother said Serena's name he had been ready to bolt. Really, what normal 17 year old guy who is getting naked and ready to get some with this girlfriend wants to leave to say hi to some girl he hasn't seen in months.

"humph" she let out a soft sound unable to hold in the realization of what an idiot she had been.

The movement in her hair stopped momentarily, then she heard a voice.

"Hey there, you awake?

"Yeah," she replied glumly. Somehow the knowledge that she had been so dense and self-deluded for so long was depressing.

"What are you thinking about?" Hearing the tone of her voice Chuck knew it wasn't good. He also knew she needed to talk about this stuff and not keep it bottled up.

"Remember at my mother's party when Serena came back, you asked Nate to go smoke and I said he was busy and we were going upstairs."

"Yes." He did remember, at the time he was hoping that Nate would finally make her happy.

"Well I told him I wanted to do it, you know sex and we are going hot and heavy, not completely naked yet, but getting there, when my mother knocked and said Serena was there."

Chuck was having a hard time with such intimate descriptions, it reminded him too much of the night of the Ball and being at the top of the stairs when his world came crashing down for the first time.

"Do you know what Nate did?" Her voice was rising with indignation and a bit of anger.

She paused long enough for him to understand his response was required. "No."

"Well. He bolts up and says, 'Serena'. I ask him to kiss me and he says, 'No I heard your mom say she was here' as he gets out of bed and goes to put his shirt back on 'Don't you wanna go say hey.'" The sarcasm in her fake voice then was overwhelming.

Chuck honestly didn't know what to say. He knew Nate had a thing for Serena but damn he didn't know he was a fucking moron. "He's an idiot." The marked exasperation in his voice made Blair giggle. Then she turned serious.

"You know the really sad thing. I always thought it was me, that I wasn't sexy enough, or didn't do everything right. That he didn't want me because of something I did or because I wasn't good enough. Turns out I just wasn't her."

Chuck decided that was the moment he officially hated Nate. He should have known how sensitive Blair was, how self-conscious, how could he have treated her that way. Because either he didn't really know her or he didn't give a damn. Either way Chuck didn't care, Nate didn't deserve her. Just as he was about to expound upon the idiocy of his ex-best friend she spoke again.

"I didn't know any different until the morning after the 'limo night'," you could practically hear the air quotes in her voice. "When I saw you as I was coming out of the church and you said 'How about ignoring me over breakfast?' Well and some other not quite as nice things about chastity belts. But while I was still totally annoyed and confused I felt beautiful and wanted. I knew there must have been some reason you wanted me close again so soon, you aren't really one to seek a girl out the next day. I knew there was something worthy about me"

He knew she was happy when they were together even if it was only a few days, he knew she was different. Even Nate saw it; saw how confident she was, independent. Somehow he never realized that it had anything to do with him. Now he understood Blair was a strong person, but she needed someone to be there when she had doubts. Behind every good woman was a…well he wasn't a good man, but he was good for Blair.

"Well I'm glad I could help, though I wish you had just gotten in the damn car."

"Yeah," she laughed and he could feel it in his chest. "That would have probably eliminated a lot of the problems we created after that."

They spent the next hour or so just talking about everything, her parents, Serena, his dad, everything. She didn't know she could feel this relaxed, he didn't know just talking could make him so happy. They were working it out, together.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Reviews and critiques are welcome

A/N: I'm trying to get this done by the 21st but I'm having some difficulty with getting past Sunday here. It is one long day and so much to get in here. So please be patient with me, as it hopefully all has a purpose. Thanks so much to all my reviews, it is such an encouragement.

For Mary: who always encourages me to write.

Chapter 13

Serena paced the room with the phone in her hand. She had finally reached Blair's dad and he was getting on a plane soon, her mother on the other hand was being a bit more difficult. She had called three hotels, two ad agencies, and her assistant. Eleanor was a hard woman to track down, especially when she didn't seem to want to answer her cell or return a message. Of course it wasn't exactly like you could say 'Mrs. Waldorf you need to come home Blair tried to kill herself.' to the voicemail. Though at some point she was going to have to do something.

Dan walked in with a cup of tea; she smiled up at him. She had tried to get him to go home but he said as long as she needed him he was there. And she did need him, more every day.

Just then her phone rang, "Serena I see you've been calling I'm so sorry I haven't gotten back to you, is everything all right dear?"

'No'…."Well," Serena was at a loss for how to begin, this had been so much easier with Harold. "It's Blair, um there was an accident and she's in the hospital. The doctor said she is going to be ok, but I think you should come home."

The pause was a bit longer than Serena would have liked. "An accident? But she is all right. Some cuts and bruises? Nothing serious, I'm sure."

God had Blair's mother always been this bad. Serena knew the answer to that; her mother was at the root of all Blair's problems.

"Yes, actually it is serious. She…" Serena knew she was going to have to say it out loud, something she hadn't been able to do quite yet. "She took some pills Mrs. Waldorf…she tried to kill herself." Serena's voice trailed off at the end and she could feel Dan rubbing her back for support.

"WHHHAATTT." The shriek was so loud Serena jerked the phone from her ear.

"What the hell is wrong with her? Why would she do that? How could she do that to herself, to the family?"

At this point Serena had had enough. "Look Mrs. Waldorf she's at Presbyterian Hospital, and Harold is already on his way. I have to get back to the hospital she still wasn't awake when I left, so I'll see you later." And with that Serena hung up. It was a wonder Blair wasn't any more messed up than she was.

Shaking her head she turned to Dan, "I need to go back to the hospital."

He smiled and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "Let's go." Taking his hand she realized how lucky she was to have someone there when she needed them.

When they arrived at the hospital Serena felt like the world was standing on end. She should have expected it, but somehow that didn't make the sight any less stunning. Rooted to the floor in the doorway of Blair's room she couldn't make her feet move any further. The last 24 hours had apparently changed…everything.

Chuck was lying on the bed, his sock feet sticking out from under the covers, ankles crossed. Blair's head was lying on his chest, her hand holding a fist full of his shirt. Chucks arms were wrapped around her, one hand on her upper arm the other covering the hand gripping the fine cotton. His head lay just to the side so his lips were touching her hair.

They looked perfectly at peace, no evidence that Blair had almost died the night before. No reminder of the girl that had been attached to his face just hours ago. It was a little after 8am and though Serena had been present for most of it, she felt like she was struggling to catch up.

She must have made some movement or sound because she saw Chuck open his eyes then he moved just a bit putting a finger to his lips. He shifted slightly and maneuvered Blair off him and waited for just a second to be sure she curled up into the blanket and didn't wake up. He then swept a piece of hair off her face, leaned in and kissed her forehead. Serena saw the softness in his face for a second but when he turned back to her it was gone. He gestured for her to precede him out of the room.

Once they reached the hall he saw Dan sitting on a chair he nodded, "Daniel." Dan nodded in response thinking how odd it was to be on somewhat friendly terms with Chuck Bass.

Before Serena could begin her interrogation Chuck spoke.

"She woke up just before six. The doctor checked her out and she's doing well, some soreness and aching but he said that was to be expected. They are probably going to wake her to eat soon, so I wanted to let her sleep until then."

Serena just stared at him a bit. He was so calm, like he was explaining about a new scarf he had bought. When she left he was tense and agitated, now he acted like Blair had sprained an ankle.

"What did she say, I mean when she woke up how was she?"

Chuck tried to keep the annoyance off his face, because he knew what she was concerned. He wanted to be the one there for Blair and he didn't want to share the duties with Serena. However, he knew Blair needed her and we would give her that, he would give her anything.

"She was upset, naturally. But we've been talking and I think she's going to get through this." He put his hand through his hair, and then remembered something he wanted to ask.

"What is the name of her Doctor, the one from the eating thing?"

Serena gasped, "How did you know about that?"

Chuck almost grinned, "Nothing gets by me S." He started to tell her he had walked Blair to her psychiatrist office more than once after finding her passed out on the floor of the bathroom at a club. However, that was between him and Blair. He never even knew who her Doctor was, just wanted to make sure that she got there.

Serena was trying to figure out what to do, but somehow she knew that Chuck was trying to help, he had been doing it all night. Actually he had been helping Blair since forever it just wasn't something they acknowledged, at least until now.

"Dr. Rosen, Emily Rosen"

"Good, I'm going to call and get her down here to talk to Blair, I think she'll feel more comfortable with someone she knows at least at first."

He sighed. He was nauseous, either from hunger or the remainder of alcohol in his system, and he felt like he needed a shower, but he wasn't about to leave just yet. Knowing he had to eat though he pinned Serena with a look. "I'm going to get some breakfast. Sit with her but try not to disturb her. And if she does wake up be calm, don't upset her. Just be supportive and let her drive the conversation; don't make her talk about anything she doesn't want to. She's still vulnerable." His voice left no room for argument.

He turned on his heel then and headed toward the elevator.

Dan came up behind her and quietly said, "Does it seem like this whole weekend has been straight out of the twilight zone?"

Nodding Serena realized she couldn't have put it better herself.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Reviews and critiques are welcome

A/N: Hopefully this makes up for the short chapter last time. I'm working hard to get this done in the next 8 days. Thank you to all the reviewers, you all are so amazing. Thanks so much for your insight and for letting me know the things you like.

For Mary: who always encourages me to write.

Chapter 14

When Chuck came back down the hall a coffee in his hands, he saw Dan sitting outside of Blair's room.

"Blair woke up, Serena's talking to her now." Dan looked as tired as the rest. Chuck had to admire how he stuck by Serena. They were a hard group to stick by.

Chuck walked to the doorway and stood for a second watching Serena talk then Blair answer. As if she just knew he was there she turned toward the door. Blair smiled and almost nodded as an acknowledgement that she was ok, and then went back to talking to Serena. Content that she was all right Chuck took a seat next to Dan.

Neither spoke for a while, they might have had some things in common but for the most part they spoke completely different languages. Finally Dan broke the silence. "Serena got a hold of both her parents, her father should be here soon," he glanced at his watch then added, "about 5 more hours I'd guess."

Chuck nodded, "and Eleanor?"

Dan furrowed his brow a bit at Chuck's use of Mrs. Waldorf's name but continued, "I'm not sure she didn't take the news well."

Chuck's laugh was deep but offered only bitterness, "Yeah she's a bitch. She's going to blame Blair for this, or me, but I'm rarely that lucky."

Dan had been surprised that Chuck had actually called Blair's mother a bitch. It wasn't that he disagreed, based on what Serena had told him about her Chuck was right on target, but to say it out loud just seemed like going to far. But then Chuck held little with convention of that nature. It was the last part that really got Dan thinking.

First he was amazed how well Chuck knew the situation. The last part took him a moment before it dawned on him. Chuck actually wanted Mrs. Waldorf to blame him. That way she wouldn't be upset with Blair. Dan couldn't help but smile as he realized that Chuck was not only willing to take the blame to make Blair's life easier he actually wanted to.

He was still smiling or gaping really, when Chuck turned to look at him.

Shaking his head as if to deny what he had just said, Chuck asked, "What, can't a guy just sit and drink his coffee."

"You never cease to amaze me Chuck, just when I think I have you figured out."

"Humph, yeah I have my moments. I just don't like it getting around, could ruin a hard won reputation."

"You actually like that people loathe you, or are afraid of you?" The incredulous tone in Dan's voice assured Chuck that he still didn't understand the UES.

Chuck pondered whether to respond, but considering his pool of friends was small at the moment he decided to try. Letting go of a huge sigh, he turned to Dan.

"Daniel I am going to let you in on something that apparently you haven't figured out. The people in the circles we run in, and I say 'we' to include you since apparently my dear new sister-to-be hasn't run you off yet. These people are all after a seat at the top and they will climb over and crush anyone who gets in their way. I have the benefit of being ridiculously wealthy and free to do what I want virtually all the time. I also am a guy and don't fall under the same set of requirements that Blair and Serena do. I've slept with, well a ridiculous number of girls, and my reputation gets stronger, Blair sleeps with two and is ruined."

He continued as Dan listened, "I act like none of it bothers me because that is how I survive, if you do it long enough they will get bored and move on to another target. The fear is also an effective tool, in getting them to leave me alone or back off if they get too close. Blair was always above it all, that's why they have been like vultures picking at their prey. She has never been vulnerable before and she was tripped up on the same criteria she used to judge them with, and now they have turned on her."

"What about Serena? What was her tactic?"

Chuck eyed him wondering if he could handle the truth, or at least the bad part of it. Deciding that he had proved himself so far he answered, "Before the boarding school thing Serena was a drunk party girl. She is wealthy has a good name and great family backing and as I'm sure you've noticed unbelievably hot." Chuck smirked, trying to see if he would get a rise out of Dan with the last bit.

Dan volleyed back, "Yes my **girlfriend** is hot isn't she?"

Chuck smiled, this guy was starting to really grow on him, "As the beautiful party girl she got away with a lot. Then when she came back there were some bumps in the road but now she appears to be employing one of my tried and true weapons. She just doesn't care. Apparently having her little piece of Brooklyn is enough and the UES be damned."

Dan rolled his eyes, Blair and her nicknames. "So you are saying that I'm what helps Serena survive all this." Gesturing with his hand, trying to convey all the crap that seemed to revolve around them 24/7.

"Yes, Daniel that is exactly what I'm saying." Chuck sipped his coffee, leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

Though it wasn't long until he heard someone call his name. Looking up he saw Serena standing in front of him. "We're going home to change and sleep some. I'll be back later this afternoon." She hesitated for a minute as she turned, then almost as if she thought better of it, looked back at him. "She's asking for you." Her eyes telling him that she didn't understand yet, but that she had accepted it.

Chuck was glad because he really didn't feel like trying to explain it to her. He couldn't even explain it to himself.

Walking into the room the smile on her face made his stomach flip. She held out her arms to him and he moved to the side of the bed. Scooting over she made room for him and he climbed in beside her, wrapping his arms around her in what seemed to be a new habit. "I missed you."

He kissed her forehead, "I missed you too."

She had curled her whole body around him. Her fingers were caressing his as though she couldn't seem to quite figure them out. She was completely lost in though.

"Did you and Serena have a nice talk?" He was trying to be vague, she could tell him the details or simply say yes or no.

"Yes." She sighed. "I know she means well, and I love her for it. I just don't think she gets it."

"Gets what?"

"Any of it really. Why I was so upset, why I was so depressed, why I tried to…well what I did, why I am feeling better. All of it."

"Do you get it? I mean could you explain it to her?" Chuck wasn't sure he was helping here, but until she said she didn't want to talk he was going to talk.

Blair let out a deep breath and linked her fingers in his laying their joined hands on his chest. "I think I'm beginning to. Serena was really the first one to point it out. You know the fact that I ignore everything that doesn't fit into my perfect idea of how things should be. That's what I did with Nate, for so long that I can't even remember back to a time when it really felt right. What I said in Victrola, I really did feel relief. Then when you looked at me it seemed like I was really being seen for the first time in forever."

She looked up at him then, her face serious. For an instant he was scared of what she was going to say, but then it had been so easy.

"Do you regret it, being with me that night?" her voice laced with trepidation.

The smile that graced his lips was beautiful as he whispered, "Not even for a second." He leaned down and kissed her nose, just as she giggled.

"I don't think Serena can figure us out. She is just" she paused searching for the right word, "different than us."

"Yes, but then most people are."

She heard something in his voice, knew that he always felt like he wasn't quite right. Squeezing his hand she replied softly, "guess it's good we have each other then." As soon as she said it she was momentarily afraid he was going to say he didn't know what she was talking about.

But he just squeezed her back and said, "Yes, it is."

Breathing again she went back to her train of though. "S changed when she was at boarding school. For the better I think, I couldn't see that before. She assumed that I didn't change while she was gone but I did. Trouble was I couldn't admit it."

"So when I had my breakdown, or whatever, she always assumed it was about Nate. That loosing him had crushed me. But it wasn't it was losing you. What you said that night in the bar. You were always there for me, and then you weren't and I didn't know what to do."

Chuck couldn't breathe. She had said they were connected and that she missed him. But this, she was telling him how much he meant to her. Of course all he could think about was how much he hurt her.

"I'm so sorry Blair. I almost got up so many times to come after you, to take back everything I said. It hurt so much that you kept choosing him over me. I thought nothing could be worse than that, until I thought I would actually lose you for good."

"I know. I thought the same thing. When I didn't have you I didn't know how to go on."

"You have me now, you know that right?"

She looked up at him, saw the truth in his eyes. "And you have me." She couldn't help it, knew it was probably too soon. But she couldn't stop herself; she leaned up until her lips touched his. Soft and sweet, but it took her breath away.

He knew he shouldn't, knew it was too soon, but couldn't have stopped if he had tried. She was a weakness, worse than his favorite scotch. Her lips were so soft, just like he remembered. His mind whirled with the possibilities in that kiss.

"huummmmughh"

They both looked up to see Nurse Helga in the doorway, her eyebrow raised. Chuck moved first sliding out of the bed. Looking back at Blair, "I'll leave you to Nurse Helga's capable hands." Kissing her on the forehead he smiled a shaky smile at the nurse as he passed her by.

Just as he reached the doorway he heard Blair's voice, "Don't be gone too long, ok?"

He turned to see her smiling at him, "Never." He returned her smile and continued out the door.

The nurse shook her head while taking Blair's pulse. "You should be sure about getting involved with someone after what you have been through." The voice was soft and kind which belied the large frame and stoic face that it came from.

Blair looked away unsure of why she felt the need to defend herself to this woman, but she did it anyway. "I need him," she paused her next words coming out with the same resolute tone, "I trust him."

The nurse smiled just a bit then it was gone. "Well he seems to feel the same for you."

Blair's head spun around as if she was unsure if she were hallucinating. Blurting out before she could think, "How do you know that?"

Helga smiled down at her, like a grandmother reassuring a small child in the dark. "I see it in his eyes when he says your name." She laughed at the shocked look on Blair's face.

No one had ever been able to read Chuck, not really, no one but Blair. She saw it in his eyes too, but hearing it from someone else made it so much more real.

"You don't think I would let just any man set up camp in one of my hospital rooms in the middle of the night?" Helga's voice was teasing now, a tone that Blair would have bet good money the nurse didn't possess five minutes ago.

"What do you mean?"

Helga finished writing her notes on the chart and came back to the head of the bed. Smoothing the sheet she leaned in as if she were sharing a secret, "When you came in last night he came down the hall with your other friends. He looked so self-assured as if he could command the world. I informed him that this was my kingdom and I didn't allow trespassers after hours. Well he smiled in that way I'm sure he does when he is going to charm someone or buy them off. Finally he understood that wasn't going to work and he did what any man would do to get to the one they care about."

Blair was on the edge of her seat, baited breath, waiting for the answer, which suddenly seemed so important. "What, what did he do?"

Helga smiled then, a big broad one that made her look younger, kinder than she had seemed at first. Said it so softly so quietly, "He begged."

"Bllluuuuphhh.." Blair made a most undignified sound at the very idea that Chuck Bass had ever begged, ever.

The nurse's eyes seemed to dance as she watched Blair dismiss the idea without a thought. "He did my dear, offered me any amount of money I could dream of, any job I wanted, he would give me anything just to sit with you. But I said no. Then I asked him why he needed to see you so badly and he gave the perfect answer."

She was teasing Blair again, "Which was?"

"He had failed you before and he was never going to fail you again. Now, how could I have said no to that." Smiling Helga pushed a button on the machine just to the left of Blair's head and turned to the door.

"Thank you." Blair wasn't sure if she was thanking her more for having let him in, or for sharing the words that she was now storing up in her heart.

Helga merely smiled and nodded and was gone.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Reviews and critiques are welcome

A/N: Ok, you guys are so awesome, every review means so much. I am finally finishing Sunday here and it took forever. Hopefully it doesn't seem overdone, I just felt like there was a lot to work through. There is a Mrs. Waldorf section, so let me know what you think of that, I think I like it but it may be too much. Anywho, gotta work hard, many more chapters to get up before Monday.

For Mary: who always encourages me to write.

Chapter 15

Chuck and Blair were sitting on the bed wrapped up in each other, which seemed to be the only way they knew how. There was a movie of some sort on the television, but Blair wasn't really certain what it was. She was lost in thought. It was strange how introspective she had become. Well maybe not strange. She had been through something, something awful and then something worse.

Blair felt so different, different than yesterday and different than a month ago. It was as if she was another person. There was the Blair she had been basically since puberty, looking back that seemed to be when full-bitch Blair had arrived. She really remembered being a happy child who loved everyone. Then the years of trying to be pretty enough and smart enough and navigating the treacherous waters of the social UES had made her someone else. She was hard on the outside; she had to be, it was the only way to survive.

She didn't hate who she had become but she hadn't really liked herself either. Then after everything fell apart she was just a shell, just trying to survive everyday. No thoughts of how to get back on top or be Queen B. All of it seemed so unimportant in the scheme of having her heart and soul just disappear. Somehow it made everything so incredibly clear. She saw how really beautiful she was, not in an arrogant way just in a factual one. She realized how much Serena really did love her, that she was a true best friend. Then she saw that behind all his walls Chuck cared about her too.

He was still here, in the same shirt he had been in for almost eighteen hours, with barely any sleep and he hadn't complained. He hadn't done anything but try to take care of her. He held her even when she didn't think she wanted to be held. He talked when she knew she needed to talk but was afraid to. He listened to her babbling and ranting about everything like it was the most important speech he'd ever heard.

Now Blair felt alive again, though not quite fully. It was almost as if you were enjoying a bright sunny day, but behind darkened glasses that kept the true brightness out. Her body was still sore and achy; she was hoping that was some of the reason for this feeling. However, her better judgment said this was much more emotional that physical. Chuck told her when he came back the last time that he had contacted Dr. Rosen and that she was going to be paying Blair a visit today around 5pm.

Blair had gasped, and tried to say she didn't need to talk to anyone. Chuck wasn't having it, but he didn't argue either. He simply told her the doctor was coming and if she wanted to sit and not talk for the hour that was her choice. Then he had pulled her closer and kissed her forehead and asked how the lead in the movie had gotten out of jail. She had almost laughed, he always knew how to handle her. Serena had called it some kind of strange influence. Blair thought it was just that somehow, they had each figured the other out way too well.

She tried to focus in on exactly how she felt, it was so nice to actually feel something again that it all seemed a little new. She was shocked to realize that she was completely content. Laying here in Chuck's arms watching some Lifetime movie there wasn't a single thing she would have changed except for maybe the venue. Propped up on her couch at home or in his bed at the Palace would have been better but other than that. Oh, and there was the not so soft hospital gown, yeah she could do without that as well.

"Blair?"

His voice shook her out of her musings, "Yes"

"Are you even watching this?"

Looking up she realized he had been watching her and knew full well that she wasn't. "Umm no. Sorry."

He sighed, "I can't believe I got sucked into some chick movie and the chick in the room isn't even watching." His voice was light, a welcome respite from all the serious tones and dark words they had been sharing for hours.

She laughed, and then couldn't help looking up at the grin on his face, on his mouth. A mouth that, at the moment, she desperately wanted to kiss. And there was one thing about the new Blair; she did exactly what she wanted.

Leaning up she kissed him gently, her hand gliding down the side of his cheek pulling him just a bit closer. Their kisses very soft and lingering and Chuck was fighting another war with himself to keep them that way when they were interrupted again. Swearing that nurse Helga was out to punish him he broke the kiss ready to tell her to knock next time when he came eye to eye with Harold.

"Daddy." Blair's exclamation probably alerted the entire floor to the happiness she felt seeing her father. Somehow she always forgot how much she missed him until she saw him again.

Chuck was moving off the bed and doing his best to stay out of their line of sight until he could get out of the room. Unfortunately Blair had other ideas. She grabbed his arm as his feet hit the floor. He shot her a look that clearly said 'please let me get out of her before your father decides he wants to kill me'. She simply smiled, maybe the biggest one he had seen in a while and he stayed exactly where he was.

"Blair bear," moving closer to her then coming up in front of Chuck he diverted his attention to meeting Chuck's eyes. "And who is your gentlemen friend?" Under any other circumstances Chuck would have smirked or made an unflattering remark but he just stood there trying not to look as uncomfortable as he felt.

Luckily Blair answered for him. "Daddy this is Chuck."

Harold stuck out his hand and Chuck shook it, a quick handshake between men who hadn't decided whether the other was a friend or an enemy.

Chuck spoke first, "Well I'll leave you two alone." Again his exit was negated when Blair tightened her hold on his arm.

He looked back at her as she reached and pulled him to her. She kissed him sweetly on the lips and her voice was like velvet, "Why don't you go get some lunch, I'm sure sharing my chocolate pudding wasn't fulfilling? But don't be gone too long ok."

He smiled and nodded, "All right, I'll be back soon." With that she released him and he was finally able to slip out of the room.

Blair looked at her father when he backed away from their hug. It felt nice to be held by him again, just like when she was little. Whenever she had skinned her knee or was afraid of anything she ran straight to her father. Blair Waldorf was a daddy's girl through and through.

"So, what's wrong?" Her father's voice was so kind, so soft she thought for a moment that maybe he didn't really know why he had flown across an ocean to be here.

"Daddy I…" She couldn't go on, she could see it in his eyes now, he knew. Knew what she had done, what she had tried to do. She was still working herself through it. Chuck knew all the intimate details, there was so much less to explain with him. She wasn't sure she could tell her father what she had done, with Nate and Chuck or to herself.

Harold reached out and took a hold of her hand and gave her a tender kiss. "Blair no matter what, I will always love you. You are my Blair Bear."

She couldn't stop the tears then, acceptance it meant so much these days. She decided she could tell a shortened version of the story. Taking a deep breath she hit the high points, "Nate and I broke up and I was with Chuck for a while, then Nate and I got back together." Another sigh and another almost truth, "Well everything kindof blew up and suddenly I was a leper, no one wanted to talk to me, I even alienated Serena. So I basically cracked and then last night, well I broke."

He gave her a soothing smile and continued to hold tightly to her hand. "And now, how do you feel?"

Blair smiled then too; he had skipped over everything that he thought might hurt her. She knew she couldn't do that forever, but for now it was nice. "Better, I know that what happened last night was a mistake and the rest I'm trying to work through."

"Have you been talking to Dr. Rosen or someone else?"

"Not yet, Chuck called and she is coming today at 5"

Harold lifted an eyebrow just slightly, "Chuck the young man who just left, he has been here with you?"

"Yes, he brought me here. Since I woke up we've been talking and I think I'm figuring some things out. But he said I still have to see Dr. Rosen, I guess he's probably right."

Storing little bits of information away for later use, Harold seemed to relax a bit then. It wasn't overtly obvious just like a smoothing of the edges. "Well I'm glad to see someone is taking care of you. What about Serena, or your mother." His voice didn't mask the distaste he had at the last thought, she wasn't sure he had even tried.

"Well Serena was here all night, you just missed her. And mother, well, Serena said she got a hold of her so I assume she is on her way." Blair wasn't the only one unable to hide the tension in her voice. The truth was she wasn't at all sure her mother would even come.

"Yes well, until then, it seems like we have quite a bit to catch up on." Blair wasn't fooled she knew that her father wanted to hear what she wasn't telling him before.

Chuck was fortunate enough to discover the answer to the 'will she or won't she show' question regarding Blair's mother. Unfortunately having just come from eating some not so pleasant hospital cafeteria food and still in the same clothes he had been in for going to two days he was a little blindsided.

"Chuck Bass, how did I know you would have something to do with this?"

He hadn't seen her coming as he crossed the hallway, but luckily Chuck did Bitch with the best of them. He slid his mask in place and prepared for battle.

"Eleanor, so good you could make it." Well if you are going to have someone hate you, and who likely already does no need to waste time with pleasantries.

Eleanor Waldorf's anger flared in her eyes for just a second, but Chuck saw it.

"So are you the reason for my daughter's latest mistake or simply the means for it?" She hated Chuck and all that he represented. Hated his father and their new wealth. Hated that the old money needed that new money to keep itself in the style to which it had become accustomed. And most of all she hated that this boy treated her as if she was simply some old lady who didn't deserve his respect.

"Well wouldn't you think a mother would know what kind of company her daughter was keeping?" He was closer know, and all the venom he had about everything finally had an outlet and a target.

"I guess you wouldn't know anything about mother's now would you."

Chuck took a breath, thought of Blair and managed not to slap the bitch into a wall.

"And it seems neither would you. If you are interested her father has been talking to her for some time now." The fact that Blair was a daddy's girl always seemed to upset Eleanor; she didn't like to be second to anyone. He could relate.

"If he were a better father, then none of this would have happened."

Chuck laughed then, but it was mocking and cold. "You know as well as I do that Blair's problems have nothing to do with Harold and everything to do with you." And once the knife was in, he began to twist. "A suicide attempt wouldn't look good on your mother of the year resume. Just like you hid away her eating disorder. Cause everyone knows it is always 'mommy issues'. But you know what I think," he was close now, inches from her face, his head tilted as if he were sharing a great secret. Although anyone who saw the look in his eyes would know it was much more cruel. "I think you could see how much more beautiful she was than you. How she outshined you, she was smarter and more graceful. No matter what you tried she always rose above it, was better and stronger. She will now. She will surpass everything that you ever were and you will be nothing but a distant forgotten shadow that no one will remember having seen."

He was so close to her now. He could tell he was making her nervous, and he wasn't done. Running his finger down the side of her jaw, his voice would have seemed sensuous but his words were vicious. "You think I don't remember your little stint in my father's bed." He watched her eyes widen at his revelation.

"I never could sleep through the night." Laughing a bit at his own joke, he continued, "I understand he has a certain charm, but you couldn't have thought it would last, you were still married at the time. Now what I was always curious about, is why me? Why you approached me, so smooth and calm, though quite drunk on the terrace at your party, so very risky of you. I can only assume that my reputation preceded me as I recall seeing you talk to Pricilla Davenport, lovely woman but you always had to keep her mouth occupied."

His voice took on an edge now, like the side of a knife. "Did you really think that I would do that to Blair, sleep with her mother? I admit I don't have many standards but I suppose that is one. I've loved Blair since we were 5, as a friend or sister or lover, different times different emotions. But then you knew that didn't you. You knew how close we were and you wanted to show you could take something away from her."

"Clearly you are imagining all this, how dare you speak to me this way." She was trying to recover her haughty voice, but it came out small and shrill.

He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes, "Of course, but then I always did love all those neat new cell phone features, you know like voice recording. I mean who wouldn't want a memento of Eleanor Waldorf begging to suck some cock." He wasn't sure if the vulgarity of his description or the reality of the memory shocked her more. He didn't care; he'd made his point.

"Blair deserves better than you and I'm going to make sure she has it."

With that he moved past her, his shoulder catching on hers with the smallest jolt.

She couldn't move, couldn't respond. Like an avalanche rolling and unstoppable down a mountain so to the truth forced her head down, would have forced her to her knees were she any other woman. She searched for the moment when she had become jealous of her own child. Knew it was every time Harold looked at their daughter like she was so much more special. When people at her dinner parties were more anxious to see Blair and see how she was doing than Eleanor's latest creation. When even the men in her life looked at Blair before resigning themselves to the older version.

Soon Blair would learn that everything came at a price. That the Chuck Bass's of the world couldn't be trusted couldn't be tamed. Someday Blair would appreciate the lessons her mother taught her, she was sure of it. She had to be.

Stepping to the doorway of her room Eleanor Waldorf wasn't quite prepared for the vision in front of her eyes. Chuck was sitting up on the bed, Blair propped against him her fingers interwoven with his laying across her lap. Blair was talking to Harold who had a huge smile on his face, the kind he always had with Blair. The three of them enjoying some comedic moment, something she wasn't invited to.

She put on her very best face and swept into the room. "Darling I'm so glad to see you looking so well."

Blair tried not to look so surprised, but she was. Either the fact that her mother had come at all or that she seemed actually happy to see her. She squeezed Chuck's hand, afraid he would move away the same way he had when her father came. He never moved. Her mother kissed her on the cheek and Blair returned her hug with her other arm, unwilling to let go of Chuck. Somehow she knew that she needed every bit of him that she could get.

"Mother, it's so good to see you."

"Yes well I had to come and make sure my baby was ok." Running her hand along Blair's cheek, Blair couldn't help but think how cold her mother's hands felt.

"I'm better, getting better." She had no idea what to think or to say. Her mother was always so hard to please, and she was the last person who knew how to do it.

"Good, well…" and with that she was interrupted by a knock at the door.

Blair looked up and thought she had never been so glad to see her shrink. "Dr. Rosen, come in."

Chuck couldn't have been more pleased at the timing. Harold was shaking hands with her and Eleanor had turned to greet the doctor as well, no doubt reminding her of the necessary discretion. If Chuck had to guess a 5th avenue shrink had a lot better stories to tell than Blair's but erring on the side of caution was always good in times like these.

He kissed the side of Blair's cheek and she turned to look at him. He saw the worry in her eyes, "Hey just talk, it will help."

She nodded and turned back to someone calling her name. "Blair would you like to talk for a bit?"

Dr. Rosen was a petite woman but not overly so. She looked every bit the professional. Sedate suit, reserved jewelry and not too much makeup. Exactly the kind of woman that Manhattan's elite would relate to but not be intimidated by or jealous of.

Chuck squeezed Blair's hand one last time and whispered in her ear, "I'll be back in an hour or so." He waited until she nodded at him then quietly made his way out of the room.

The three stood awkwardly in the hall. Chuck knew he had to go home and now was the perfect opportunity.

"Well, I'm going to go home and shower and change. I'll be back as soon as I can."

He reached out to shake Harold's hand and pulled him close like he was going to hug him, as he patted his back, he softly said, "don't leave her alone with Blair."

As he backed away Harold nodded, seeming to understand the danger Chuck was alluding to. Glancing at her mother he simply bobbed his head once, "Mrs. Waldorf." He sounded like the perfect gentleman, he played the game with the best of them.

Chuck stood under the hot shower replaying the last 24 hours and how it was he had gone from hating everything he was to kissing and holding Blair. He never could have imagined a nightmare that had turned out so well. All he needed to make sure of now was that Blair got better. He was already working on plans as to how to get her back to the top of the food chain at school. Though he would make sure to include her on any plans he made, he remembered what happened last time he tried to go it alone.

Although her mother presented another problem, he thought he could keep her in check but he'd have to watch her carefully. Hopefully he would never have to tell Blair about this one, and certainly not now.

Stepping out of the shower he toweled off his hair and went to find something to wear. What did one wear to spend the night in the hospital? Because one thing was for sure, he wasn't leaving Blair there alone.

He walked down the now familiar hallway at just after 7pm. Harold was sitting outside but Chuck didn't see Eleanor. The panic was starting to rise when Harold spoke up. "Serena is with her. Her mother went home to change."

Chuck let out a breath and sat down beside Harold. He wasn't sure what to say, had no idea what Blair had told him.

"Thank you for saving her life. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't gotten there in time." His voice was more ragged than before, all of his years and then some showing in the still handsome face.

Chuck nodded, "Neither do I." His voice mirrored that of the man next to him and he suddenly wondered when he had sounded so old.

Just then Dan walked up to them carrying a coffee. "Hey Chuck I didn't realize you were here, I didn't bring an extra." Handing Mr. Waldorf his coffee, Chuck thought he actually looked sorry. He was starting to see what Serena saw in him.

"No worries man, I had one on the way from the hotel. How's Serena holding up?"

Dan let out a deep breath, "Good I think, she feels guilty for not realizing how bad it was."

Chuck saw it in his face, the guilt. Dan did see but hadn't said anything well except to him.

"It wouldn't have mattered Daniel, neither of you could have prevented this. And remember if you hadn't said something to me, I might not have gotten to her in time." Chuck was letting him know it wasn't his fault. He knew that was the truth, Blair would have found a way to do what she did. That was the past, now it was about making sure she never felt like she had to again.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Dan seemed to resign himself to believing Chuck's words.

The three men sat in silence watching over the doorway of the women they loved.

Serena stepped out to see the three of them side by side. Dan sat leaned forward head in his hands, Mr. Waldorf sitting straight up against the wall, legs and arms crossed, and Chuck feet out in front of him ankles crossed head back and eyes closed. She knew better than to think any of them were asleep.

"uum, the nurse said visiting hours are almost over."

All three came to their feet at once. Harold spoke first, "Well I'm going to go say goodnight then."

As he made his way into the room Dan put his arm around Serena, "Do you want me to take you home?" She smiled and put her head on his shoulder, "Yeah thanks."

Chuck could see how tired she was, Serena was always the flighty one, this level of drama was hard on her.

Just then, Harold came out, "Well I suppose I will call Eleanor and tell her we'll just come in the morning. Blair has my number if she needs me."

Serena was surprised when she realized he was talking to Chuck, who simply nodded.

"Alright, well we should go then." Harold turned and seemed to be leading Serena and Dan away, when she turned.

"Chuck, aren't you coming?"

His face never changed, his body pausing only a second, "No" and then he passed through the door into Blair's room.

He stood just inside the doorway, she looked tired, but her color was so much better. Somehow he was sure she could sense his presence.

Opening her eyes slowly, she let a small smile crawl across her face. "I'm glad you're back."

He smiled and made his way to the bed, she was already scooting over making room for him. He toed his shoes off and crawled under the cover with her.

Settling back against the pillows, she settled up against him. "They say I can go home tomorrow." The tone of her voice didn't hold the happiness at that prospect he was expecting.

"Why don't you sound very excited about that?"

She let out a breath, "Well, Daddy will go home in a couple of days and he and mother will fight the whole time he's here. Then she'll start in on me, and then leave like she always does."

His mind worked quickly, "Then come and stay with me." He said it as if it was the most natural thing, as if they hadn't been worlds apart just two days ago.

She was looking up at him now, searching his face for any sign of hesitation. She didn't find any. "I doubt my parents will let me just move in with you." She hadn't meant it to come out exactly that way, but he didn't seem to mind.

"You let me worry about that." He kissed her forehead and pulled her closer to him if that was possible.

"Now, get some rest. I'm sure someone will be along to wake us sooner rather than later."

Smiling she laid her head down, thinking how grateful she was to be here. Here with him, in his arms. She never imagined it could all work out, but it was, right before her eyes.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Reviews and critiques are welcome

A/N: A short chapter, but I hope to post again tomorrow. Thanks for all the reviews. For those that think I was too harsh on Eleanor, she rubbed me the wrong way in the fashion shoot episode and I guess I never recovered. Anyway, here's the next day let me know what you think.

For Mary: who always encourages me to write.

Chapter 16

Monday

She had let them sleep as much as possible; knowing they both likely needed it. Nurse Helga had run across the girl's parents arguing in the hall and was glad she had someone on her side. It was cute really, the couple curled up in bed as if they weren't in a hospital after a near death experience.

With one last sigh, she let the smile slip off her face and shook the young man's shoulder. "Wake up, it's almost time for breakfast." She hadn't meant to sound so cheerful but with these two she couldn't seem to help it.

Chuck turned to the voice and cringed before he remembered where he was. "Ah nurse Helga so good of you to wake us, again." He let his tone drop at the end. He was really looking forward to sleeping through the night at some point.

She was already on her way out when she threw behind her, "Don't make me throw you out now, after you've made it this far."

Chuck had another comeback ready but when Blair stirred in his arms he lost his entire train of thought. She was still beautiful, on her second day in the hospital in a cheap synthetic gown with no makeup except for some smudged eyeliner and mussed up hair.

"Morning," he kissed her temple his voice hushed.

"Morning," her return was more cheerful but then she was a morning person.

Breakfast came and went with little fanfare. Chuck went and got something from the cafeteria, reminding himself to be much more complementary of the Palace chefs in the future. The doctor's came and went and finally the moment Blair was dreading the most. Her parents arrived.

"Well Mr. Bass, still here I see." Eleanor's voice wafted through the room with her usual charm.

Chuck was sitting in a chair beside Blair's bed going through her cell phone. He looked up but didn't feel the urge to respond.

"Hi pumpkin, did you rest well?" Blair's father was hugging her and Chuck could see out of the corner of his eye how happy she was. He also saw something pass over Eleanor's face that wasn't quite pleasant.

"Yes Daddy, I just finished breakfast, they said that I could probably leave in a couple of hours."

It was her mother's turn to swoop in, but instead of a hug she got the standard UES air kisses. "Well that's wonderful dear, once we get you home and into some decent clothes I'm sure you'll feel much better."

Chuck stood up and was about to speak, but Blair beat him to it. "Actually I think I'm going to go and stay at the Palace instead." She was rushing now, hoping to get it all out before someone said no. "Mother you know you'll need to go back to Paris soon and Dad I know that you have to get back to that deal you were telling me about. I mean I'm fine and I am just going to be resting and well you know staying up on all my schoolwork. So really there is no need for you guys to worry, I'm going to be totally fine."

No one spoke, probably because Blair had sucked all the oxygen out of the room. Her father finally broke the silence, "Blair I just don't think it is a good idea for you to be by yourself right now."

"Oh, well I won't be, Chuck will be there." Then realizing what she had said she quickly added, "and Serena. And of course her mom is there and little Eric I mean they are practically a second family."

"Well I don't know…" Harold seemed uncertain but Chuck could see by the look in his eye he wanted to give in to Blair. Was there a man on the planet that didn't?

"Well I do know and I say absolutely not." Eleanor displayed her absolute distaste of the idea by waving her hand as if the words and the voice that spoke them hadn't been clear enough.

"Now Eleanor, why don't you reconsider." Harold turned to look at Eleanor.

Leaving Chuck with no one looking at him but Eleanor, his eyes said it all. "Yes Eleanor why don't you reconsider." He was toying with the cell phone in his hand. There was no mistaking his threat. Eleanor was many things, but she wasn't slow. Her face faltered, she hadn't had time to figure out how to deal with Chuck and his little piece of blackmail. She would give him this. In time though she would find a way around or through Chuck Bass, no matter what it took.

"I suppose that as long as you were with the Van Der Woodson's it would be ok." She tried to sound gracious. Chuck wasn't the only one who thought she failed; he was just the only one that knew why.

Blair was still trying to figure out how she had managed to get out of the hospital and was now in Chuck's limo on her way back to his room at the Palace. She was curled up next to him, his arm around her. She had called Dorota and given her a list of things to pack. Chuck said he'd send someone to pick them up. How in the world was this all happening?

"I think I'll go see Serena when we get there, you know say hi."

He laughed, "Serena is at school, but I'm sure she'll be happy to see you this afternoon."

Blair swung around to face him, "School, oh my God it's Monday."

His eyes knit together and he pursed his lips, "Umm, yeah."

She knew he was laughing at her, but she didn't really mind. "Well why aren't you in school there mister?" Wagging her finger at him.

Grabbing her finger and holding it, "I am escorting a beautiful lady home, how can school possibly compare?"

She couldn't help but giggle under that gaze, damn did everything out of his mouth have to sound so sexy. Of course, then all she could fixate on was his mouth. Lips so red that she just couldn't resist. She sucked on his lower lip tasting him, somehow noticing for the first time that he didn't taste like scotch. By the time her tongue gained entry, he was pulling her onto his lap.

He knew this was just going to be kissing, but his mind was whirling back. Back to a night when she had the flavor of champagne, skin as soft as the silk she was wearing.

_She had purred in his ear and he swore he had never heard anything more melodic. Chuck had bedded a lot of women, but his fingers had never itched to touch the next swath of skin. His lips quivered each time they conquered new territory. When she came his body shook, when he came he exploded. Sex was always good, because Chuck always made sure he got his. This time, every time with her had been something different. When their eyes met, him buried deep inside of her, he was undone. _

_All the lengths he'd gone to, to protect himself were gone. No more walls, no more shields. He dug his fingers in her hair to her scalp, felt her do the same. Knew she left marks, like the ones on his back, like the ones on his soul. He was never the same, and he wouldn't have changed a thing._

He felt the car stop before she did. She looked confused when he pulled back, until she heard the door open. Throwing herself off him, she straightened her dress and stepped out of the car as Chuck shook his head and laughed behind her. He'd have to have a talk with his driver. Blair might be changed in a lot of ways, but she wasn't going to give up on propriety all together.

He ordered lunch as they settled in. Her clothes had arrived and she was busily taking over his counter space in the bathroom.

"Blair the foods here, come and eat."

Walking out of the bathroom she saw the spread on the table and couldn't help but feel just the slightest bit queasy. "That's not all for me is it?"

"Hell no, I haven't had a decent meal in two days, I got you a grilled chicken salad, and some fruit. But eat whatever you want, just leave me my steak."

She would have sworn he was giving that steak a wholly unnatural look. Grinning she sat down and took a bite of the salad.

They had been peacefully eating in silence when he spoke up, "Dr. Rosen will be here at 2pm, I've set up room 1941 for you two to meet." He didn't look up just put another piece of steak in his mouth.

Blair was frozen, fork in mid-air. She was really hoping not to have to talk to the doctor anymore, even though she knew it was inevitable. He was taking care of her again, without though or comment. She liked it, made her feel warm and safe. She also knew that she was going to have to start doing things for herself again. Though maybe she would start that tomorrow. Today she was just going to enjoy not being in the hospital, the soft material against her skin and the man next to her.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Reviews and critiques are welcome

A/N: Ok, this is a long one. Thanks for everyone who has hung in their with me. I still have some more to go, so even though I don't think I'll finish before tomorrow night, I hope you'll continue to read. And a note, I'm not a texter by trade so if some of it doesn't make sense I got it from so I blame them. )

For Mary: who always encourages me to write.

Chapter 17

Tuesday

There was a knock at the door, he was certain it had to be a dream. He was finally getting to sleep in a normal bed and he could feel Blair pressed up beside him. Then it came again, Chuck was going to kill whomever was on the other side of the door. As he threw the covers back and saw the clock read 5:55am the knock came again. "I'm coming," his voice booming causing Blair to startle awake.

"Chuck?" Her voice was soft as she tried to wipe the sleep from her eyes.

"There had better be an amazing reason that you're banging…" he yelled as he swung open the door feeling the words die in this throat.

Dorota shot him an evil look while pushing through the door with an armload of he had no idea what.

"Miss. Blair, Miss Blair where are you."

Chuck's eyes slid shut his hand coming to massage his temples, "Well this should be fun," he muttered under his breath.

But when he looked across the room and saw Blair bound up on her knees pulling Dorota into a giant hug with a huge smile on her face he couldn't be mad. Shaking his head he made his way back to bed.

"Dorota, what are you doing here?" Chuck was wondering the same thing he just wanted to do it lying down.

"Miss Blair your father said you were staying here and that you would need all your things, so I bring them right over." Chuck watched as she swept his clothes to the side in the closet to make room for the ones of Blair's in her arms. He should have been upset, felt violated. But all he could feel was a warmth rush over him to his toes. He closed his eyes at the very appealing sight of her clothes hanging next to his.

His peace was not to last. "Mr. Chuck you have to go to school, go shower." He cracked one eye open to stare at the large woman who seemed to be ordering him around. Again the harsh reply died on his lips as he saw Blair with a huge grin on her face, her eyes dancing.

"No offense but do you have any idea what time it is?"

Dorota scoffed and reached for the covers, which apparently she planned to rip off him. Blair got her hands in the way, knowing that Chuck was only going to take so much in his own room.

"Um Dorota, Chuck doesn't really need to get up this early, why don't we go order some breakfast and get my things settled, let him rest."

Dorota gave Chuck one last look that said he was much too lazy for her liking but she let go of the covers just the same.

Blair leaned over and kissed his forehead as he had done to her so many times. "We'll try to be quiet ok," then in a whisper, "I'm sorry".

He nodded and made some kind of an affirmative sound.

Blair and Dorota settled what for any normal girl might have been her entire closet into the space they could find. Then ordered some breakfast. Just before 7am Blair went over and turned the alarm off, instead preferring to wake Chuck in her own way. He had been so amazing she wondered why she didn't realize it sooner.

She kissed him softly on the mouth and was only slightly surprised when he immediately kissed her back. Opening his eyes he looked up, "What? You weren't that quiet."

Giggling, "Alright well get up breakfast will be here soon." She loved how normal it all felt, and how good.

The food was really good. Blair had a good appetite and today she didn't feel the knots in her stomach when she looked at it.

Finally Chuck kissed her goodbye and left for school. He wasn't terribly surprised to find Serena waiting out front by the limo.

"How is she?" Serena was nervous; she wasn't completely convinced that Chuck's was the best place for Blair to stay.

"I'll tell you in the car."

"Can't we just walk?" Arriving in the Bass limo was a bit different than coincidentally coming down the street together.

Chuck rolled his eyes, "No. Get in."

Serena complied, though the way she fell into the seat left little question how she felt about it.

"Well?" She eyed him like she was just slightly afraid he might pounce on her.

Shaking his head he leaned back with his eyes closed. He supposed he couldn't blame her; he had been an ass to her for years.

"She's good. Dorota showed up this morning."

Serena knew from the tone of his voice that he wasn't happy about the last part. She couldn't help but smile.

"Well good, Dorota is like a mother to her."

Chuck's reply was harsh, "She's a better mother than the real thing."

Serena didn't argue. "So everything was ok. Last night, she slept good, ate something this morning?"

Chuck turned his head, "You know you could just ask her yourself." He wasn't sure why Serena was asking all this. He figured she'd just want to know that Blair was ok. Now he realized it was something else, he just wasn't sure what.

"Well I figured you knew and then I wouldn't bother her. You know while she's recuperating." There was something in her voice, something timid, afraid.

Sitting up and turning his body in the seat he waited until she looked up at him. "Serena she already broke, it's done, you don't have to treat her like she is so fragile." He ran his hand through his hair searching for the right words. "I'm not saying to go throwing things in her face, but you can talk to her."

Serena's eyes were wide then, "I just don't want to upset her, I…" she couldn't finish.

He realized what was wrong. His voice softened in the way it did when he spoke to Blair. "Serena it isn't your fault this happened. You didn't know she was going to do something so extreme. You were there for her everyday trying to help her through this. You did more than anyone to help her get through all of it. She doesn't need you to be her counselor or her mother she just needs you to be her friend, her best friend."

Serena realized how much it cost him to say those words, to admit he hadn't helped, hadn't been there. She also knew that he was closer to Blair now than anyone and if what Blair needed was her friend then she would be there.

"Ok. I'll call her at lunch then." Shaking her head as if to reaffirm the thoughts running through it.

The car came to a stop and Chuck opened the door, he held it for Serena but made no move to help her out. He didn't want new gossip about them getting around, everyone knew they both lived at the palace and their parents were engaged. He was hoping that would be enough to keep the rumor mill down. Blair still hadn't been seen and the natives were getting restless for new dirt.

Chuck went to class. He had never realized how long an hour could be until he spent his first separated from Blair in days. Desperately wanting to check his phone for a message from Blair but not daring to. The school had a new strict no cell phone policy during class, and when your last name started with B the front row seemed to be your constant friend. He called in between classes, and while he wouldn't admit it to anyone, it was just to hear the sound of her voice. She told him that she and Dorota were straightening up. He simply said "great" knowing he'd go home to find all of his things in different places. Sadly he just didn't mind.

Luckily by 3rd period he had Mr. Schwartz's class and they sat wherever they wanted. He slumped in the back row trying to be as invisible as possible. He pulled his phone out of his bag trying to tune out the teacher reading from Romeo and Juliet. Seriously didn't they read this in like the 8th grade? Had it really taken on new shadows of meaning in the last three years? Shaking his head he texted Blair.

What r u doing?

_**Rrt u n cls?**_

_**Ys**_

_**Won't u gt n trouble**_

_**MayB**_

_**911 wen cls S ovr**_

He sighed, apparently he wasn't supposed to get in trouble. Well where was the fun in that. Oh yeah he remembered, waking up with Blair Waldorf this morning. Smiling he sat back and remembered the first time he woke up with her in his arms.

She was wrapped around him like a vine. He wasn't absolutely sure where he stopped and she began. The only thing she wore was the necklace he had given her. He could feel the clasp at the back of her neck where his hand was woven through her hair. She smelled like jasmine and something so very Blair. He really never believed she'd sleep with him, had never meant to make the bet in the first place.

_But he had to get her to talk to him, and he was fairly certain Nate would wimp out, he always did. Not that if Nate had called he had any intention of stopping. He was obsessed; he knew that, he just didn't care. The moment she had climbed onto the stage, the second she turned and looked at just him, the instant her lips met his that second time he was lost. _

_Her warm body was in his arms and he couldn't figure out how to keep her there. He knew Nate would come back, he always did. He was certain she wouldn't want him now that it was morning. But she was here now. Legs circling his, her stomach pressed to him, her hands against his back, lips resting against his neck. He was in heaven. He had never felt so alive and yet so peaceful. Just when he thought this perfection couldn't possibly be exceeded, she opened her eyes and smiled. That was when he knew the butterflies were there to stay._

When the bell rang his phone was in his hand before he reached the doorway. She picked up before the second ring was done.

"Miss me?" Her tone so warm and vivacious he couldn't contain his smile.

"Not at all, just bored you know." Chuck tried to sound blasé, but he didn't think he carried if off.

"Liar." She threw it back at him and he couldn't help but laugh.

"Seriously, was school always this boring I swear I miss the hospital." He was leaning against a far wall making sure no one could actually here what he was saying.

"I'm sorry my recovery didn't take longer so you could be spared the horror that is the 11th grade."

"Yeah well I just sat through a reading of the death scene in Romeo and Juliet for like the 5th time. Like the guy couldn't have waited a few minutes to figure out what was going on. He could have gotten the girl, instead he kills himself, what a waste."

Blair laughed out loud then, "Ha Ha. At least you've read that one, that's one less piece of homework right?"

"I suppose, though it isn't the reading I mind it is the stupid dissection of it. Does it have to mean the same thing to everyone? Is that what the writer intended."

Blair wasn't sure she had ever heard Chuck rhapsodize so about schoolwork. There was a really smart guy behind that sexy face.

"Well look who's all philosophical. You might be able to come with me to Yale after all."

"Couldn't we just go to UCLA or something, I mean good school, nice weather, pretty beaches?"

"Umm and have your eyes popping out of your head at every half-dressed big-boobed blond, I don't think so."

"Blondes are so last year," his smirk firmly in place and the sexual overtones rolling through his deepened voice.

She couldn't help but smile. When she heard the warning bell in the background she knew she needed to say goodbye.

"You should get to class, maybe call me at lunch if you have a chance." She was trying so hard not to be needy. That was saying something because Blair was needy on a normal day and this week it was in overdrive.

"I'll call you." He knew what she was trying to do, she wasn't the only needy one these days.

"Ok, bye."

"Wait Blair…"

"Yeah"

"Is my room going to look anything like I left it this morning when I get home?" He was really hoping for some sort of positive response, though not at all surprised when he didn't get one.

"Umm, mostly, gotta go." The line was dead.

Shaking his head he put the phone away and made his way to chemistry. The smile never really left his face.

There was a knock at the door just after lunch, Dorota went to check as Blair moved to hide just around the corner. They were trying to make sure the hotel staff didn't see Blair, unless it was the one or two that Chuck trusted. Or the ones that he bought off, whichever way he referred to it. Then she heard her father's voice.

"Blair, it's me."

She bounded around the corner and into his arms. "Daddy I didn't know you were coming." She was nervously pushing her hair around on her head, she hadn't even put on makeup really.

Harold took both of her hands in his and kissed her forehead, "So what is my beautiful daughter up to today?"

She calmed immediately and taking a seat in the couch next to him she replied, "Well Dorota was just helping me settle in a bit. What brings you by?"

"Well actually I'm on my way to the airport, but I had to stop by and spend some time with my best girl."

Her face fell a bit at that, she was hoping he would be around for at least a while longer.

"Oh."

"So tell me how this Chuck has convinced you to give up reign at the penthouse for a small but nice suite here at the Palace."

She blushed, it was still hard to talk about these kinds of things with her dad. But she really wanted him to know how much Chuck meant to her and that she was safe here.

"I'm not sure how to explain it really, we just fit, Chuck and me. I think we always have, I mean we've been friends forever. There was always Nate as that 'guy' in my life, now I realize that it just wasn't right."

"I think I understand the Nate issue, but I'm just a little concerned that you are jumping into something new here after a very traumatic experience." His voice was soft but not judgmental.

"I know it seems that way, Daddy, but it isn't. Chuck and I have a long history and well we sort of had a thing before Christmas, but I messed it up. I think things would have been so very different if I had trusted him more then. There were just all these things I was so sure of and then it all just unraveled, and the only thing left was me and Chuck."

"Well, I can't say that I know him very well, but I couldn't have asked for more from him in the last couple of days. I trust your judgment Blair and if you say this is what you want then I respect it."

Just then she heard her phone go off, knowing who it was she got an evil grin on her face.

"One second daddy."

Grabbing the phone she saw a text from Chuck.

Bored what are you doing?

She responded: _**Umm, I'm busy**_

His reply was quick: _**Doing what?**_

She was bad, she knew it, just couldn't help herself: _**Talking to someone**_

An instant later: _**Who??**_

Does it matter?

_**YES!!**_

She could just see the look on his face, she'd have to stop soon or he'd come home to find out: _**Just a guy I know.**_

_**IN MY SUITE!? **_

She was just about to tell him the truth when her phone flashed again: _**I'M COMING HOME!!**_

She hurried the reply: _**It's my dad, I promise.**_

And then: _**I'm sorry**_

She waited and almost pushed the call button when she saw the next message.

_**That was not funny.**_

_**I know, I'm sorry. I miss you.**_

A beat and then his response: _**I miss you too B. No more funny jokes, K.**_

_**I swear. See you in a while.**_

_**Yeah see you then.**_

Realizing as she put the phone down, her dad was leaning back now. "I'm sorry I was just tormenting him a bit, got carried away."

He was smiling at her, that soft smile that melted her heart and reminded her why she truly was a daddy's girl. "Well I'm glad you are back to smiling and joking around. I suppose this boy is good for you. But," he wagged his finger at her his voice pitching a bit, "if he does anything to hurt my little girl."

She hugged him them. "He won't daddy, he won't." She believed it with all her heart.

They spent the next hour, talking about everything. He promised to come back and see her in a couple of months and she promised to spend some of the summer with him and Roman. He had even invited Chuck along. When he left she couldn't help but feel a bit sad, and looking around the room she said, "Dorota let's get everything settled shall we."

He talked to her again at lunch. It was shorter than he would have liked but there where people everywhere, and apparently with Blair MIA they needed someone to stare at. Honestly Chuck had never paid much attention to the cliques and what people thought, except as it impacted his ability to get laid. He could see now how difficult it must have been for Blair to live under the scrutiny.

The rest of the day passed as slowly as the first part. It probably looked like he was running to the limo after school. He didn't care. There was something important waiting at home. He shook his head thinking he sounded like he was forty. He was sure this feeling would, well maybe wear off wasn't the right thought, but recede some. He'd never done the relationship thing so he really had no idea. This was all new, but so far he found it all quite appealing and he was sticking with that for now.

Walking into the suite he was relieved to see at least most of the furniture was still in the same place. Though his heart almost stopped when he realized all the bottles on the bar were gone. "Blair!" It came out as more of a yell than he intended, but seriously this was where he drew the line.

"She no here, Mr. Chuck. She meet with Dr. Lady." Dorota came across the room with a duster in hand, never looking directly at him. Trying to count to ten in as many languages as he knew, when he got to the fifth one he simply collapsed on the couch to wait. He knew yelling at Dorota would only upset Blair and probably do no good. The woman had worked for Eleanor Waldorf for over 15 years, he was pretty sure nothing was going to scare her at this point.

"Dorota I'm back, has Chuck come home yet?" She was practically twitching as she whirled into the room. Before Dorota could answer she came around the couch to see Chuck sprawled out, looking decidedly peeved.

"Oh hi, sorry my session ran over, I wanted to get back before you got home, but you know shrink's they just want you to talk, talk, talk."

His eyebrow raised but he never moved, enjoying the sight of a totally flustered Blair.

"Blair do you think we could talk," he looked around at Dorota busying herself on the other side of the room, "in private." Lowering his voice and his head.

"Sure of course, um, Dorota, could you possibly be a dear and go get me a latte," then glancing at Chuck, "two actually. Here, ok," as she passed her a twenty from her purse.

Closing the door and sitting down she started to ramble again. "I know there are a lot of things, and well you know."

Chuck put a finger on her lips. "Shhh. Listen, I want you here more than anything and I want you to feel comfortable. However, I still live here, and I need to be able to find my things too. Like my liquor." His eyes swept up to the clean shelves that used to house his prized alcohol. He sounded a little like she had taken away his best friend, and he couldn't give up another of those.

Blair smiled, seeing that he was trying so hard. She realized sometime between walking to the room to meet the doctor and walking back that she and Dorota had gone too far. Truth was she just wanted to keep herself busy and not think about what all had been happening. Dr. Rosen told her she needed to keep a journal, to really detail out all that had happened and how she felt about it now. Along with a laundry list of other things she wanted Blair to reflect on. It was like having homework and then shrinkwork.

"Everything is in the cabinets below the bar, I didn't let her throw anything out. And I promise we'll return everything to normal tomorrow except maybe the closet space." She said the last part just a bit sheepishly.

Chuck felt better, well he would when he had a drink. Getting up he preceded to the bar where he found his bottle of scotch and poured a small glass. "Ahhh. See all a man needs, a nice smooth drink and a beautiful woman to greet him when he comes home."

Blair laughed then, "What are we living in Leave it to Beaver land?"

Chuck laughed too, "Well a guy can dream." Suddenly a picture of Blair hair up, high heels and pearls swept through his mind. Of course in his version that was all she was wearing.

Seeing the look on his face somehow made her blush and turning away she got up moving to the other room and stepping out of her heels. "Umm I have some work to do for Dr. Rosen and Serena left some stuff last night from school. Are you going to study?"

He stood there thinking. This was the first real life conversation that they had really had. What did people do, sit and watch each other watch tv or read? Chuck realized how out of his element he really felt. Knowing he did have homework he replied, "Yeah I have some work to do, so I guess we'll do that." He looked uncertain, felt out of place and absolutely hated it.

Then she turned and smiled; "Great well I'll get my stuff and Dorota should be back with the coffee soon."

As he watched her gather things from around the room and set up camp in the couch he decided maybe this could work out after all.

They spent the hours before dinner reading and working on their laptops, occasionally talking or laughing about something. Both realized homework had never been so pleasant.

Dorota left at around 10pm vowing to be back bright and early in the morning, to which Chuck could only roll his eyes. Blair yawned and he suggested they turn in. The night before she had been in and out of the bathroom and in bed in five minutes. Tonight, Chuck got to witness the full ritual that is a very girlie girl.

It took her twenty minutes to wash her face and brush her teeth. There were some creams to be applied, but he couldn't tell what else seemed to take so long. Although there were decidedly more positive points, like when she put her foot up on the bed and started rubbing lotion up her legs. When she took off her robe to do her arms and shoulders, Chuck was beginning to think this wasn't a complete waste of time.

"Need some help." Either she was distracted or he didn't put nearly enough sexual flavor into his voice, because she replied, "Yeah thanks."

She turned around and pushed the straps of her gown off giving him an amazing view down her back. He realized she had pushed a bottle of lotion at him, but it took a second for his addled brain to figure out what he was supposed to do. Finally moving before she gave up on him and did it herself. He put some of the lotion on his hand and began to rub it in her skin at her neck and made his way down. Chuck covered every inch he thought he could get away with touching with the creamy substance. Making a mental note of the name on the bottle, he would make sure there was always an abundant supply for moments like these.

"Thanks" She turned and smiled while pulling the gown back into place.

He suddenly realized that she was actually wearing a really sexy gown and not the pajamas she had worn the night before. Chuck was suddenly very nervous about sleeping in his own bed. The last thing he wanted to do at this point was to scare her or make her angry. And unfortunately an extremely horny Chuck tended to make bad decisions.

Blair did not seem to have the sane contradictions or complications running through her head. She simply walked around the bed, climbed under the cover and snuggled up next to him.

Not knowing what else to do he reached up and turned out the light, pulling her further into his arms.

"Goodnight Chuck."

"Goodnight Blair."

Chuck said a silent prayer that he would survive until she was ready to resume the intimate part of their relationship. Then he added, 'Please let it be soon.'


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Reviews and critiques are welcome

A/N sorry if some of the txt messages weren't very clear. I think next time I'll just type it out. I was trying to be too clever for my own good. Hope you like this next part. Sorry I couldn't get everything done by show time (how awesome was it btw )) But I hope you will still continue to enjoy this. And I will finish it by this weekend. Thanks especially to all who have reviewed, I'll never be able to tell you how much it means.

For Mary: who always encourages me to write.

Chapter 18

Wednesday – part 1

Unfortunately for Chuck Wednesday morning began in much the same way as the day before. Mercifully Dorota waited until 6:52am to begin banging on the door. Blair was up and out of bed before Chuck could finish his first string of curses for the morning. By the time he finished his shower breakfast had arrived and Blair was promising to set the room back to normal.

Chuck watched Blair eat and was happy she didn't seem to have to force anything down. She had fruit, a few bites of his waffle and some scrambled eggs. She seemed like she was getting stronger. Which brought up a question he'd wanted to ask. "Blair, when do you think you're going to try to go back to school?"

Her reaction wasn't really what he had hoped. She froze mid bite, then when she started chewing again it looked almost unnatural. "Blair?"

She turned slowly toward him. Her face a little more pale than a moment ago. "Umm I'm not really sure."

He just looked at her and waited.

"Well I mean I feel fine here with you, and of course Serena and Brooklyn. I just don't know about all the people at school. All my ex-friends and Nate, everyone just looking at me, judging me. I don't want to fall apart again, and I think I'm scared I will."

He nodded, "Have you talked to Dr. Rosen about this. You know, about what might make you feel more comfortable to go back?"

Her voice was low and had lost the joy it held a few minutes ago. "No, I guess I should ask that today."

He lifted her chin up with the tip of his finger. "Blair I'm not rushing you, I just wanted you to think about it. Now that you are, whenever you decide I'll support you. We'll get through this ok."

She smiled then, though it wasn't the easy one that she had been wearing before, "Ok."

He went back to eating and shrugged his tone light and airy, "You know I never thought formalized school was all it was cracked up to be. I'm sure you could always get a GED. Yale takes those right?" She knew exactly what he was doing and it worked. She picked up a grape off her plate and watched it bounce off the side of his face with great satisfaction.

He turned, the smirk on his face showing he had accomplished his goal, grape or no grape.

Chuck left for school after that and Blair set about turning Chuck's suite back into his suite.

Chuck called Blair between classes and he paced the streets in front of the school talking to her at lunch. He knew when he came out of each class there would be a new text message. Sometimes it was as simple as 'I miss you' and sometimes it was just silly like 'so you don't really like that brown lamp right?' He never knew what it would be but he could feel the anticipation each time he opened the phone. God he really was whipped.

Chuck came home to find his room much the way it had started the week. Dorota was sitting in a chair folding what appeared to be lingerie. He couldn't help but smile, he really liked having Blair's things around. "Where's Blair?"

"She not back from Dr. Lady." Dorota wasn't what you would call pleasant to him, but she had stopped giving him that 'you're not worthy of my Blair' look.

Chuck barely had time to kick off his shoes and grab a water from the fridge behind the bar when Blair came through the door. He couldn't say he was happy with the way she looked.

Blair was exhausted; it felt like she had been run over by a bus, twice. The session had been over two hours long and she had screamed and cried and ranted. Her emotions were running every which way and she felt like she had run a marathon. "Hey Dorota, is Chuck home yet?" Finally looking up she realized he was staring at her with a very worried look on his face. She wanted to explain, but she just didn't have the energy.

"Hi, umm I'm going to take a bath." Giving him the best half a smile she could she went straight to the bathroom and closed the door.

He should just let her go, but he can't. He is still having trouble shaking the feelings of abandoning her before, and the nightmares of seeing her die on the hospital bed don't help. Chuck goes to the bathroom door, knocking first, but entering just the same.

Hearing the knock Blair closes her eyes and sighs briefly. She knew he'd come, but she was hoping he'd understand she wasn't ready. She can feel him walk up behind her and sit beside her on the edge of the tub. She takes her hand out of the warm streaming water and turns toward him.

"Just tell me your ok?" His voice is so soft, so quiet, so comforting.

She lets her eyes shut again, before nodding. Then lays her head on his shoulder for just a second. "You'll tell me what's wrong later." He isn't really asking a question, but he waits for her to answer all the same.

"Yes."

She hears the breath he exhales, feels the soft kiss on the edge of her hair. Then he is gone. And she knows, hears it resound inside her head, the truth that was always there. 'God I love that man.' Chuck always knew what she needed, understood her, believed in her. How had she managed to ever be happy before? Then she realized, she wasn't.

Slipping into the tub, she let her mind wander over the session with her Doctor. Why had she stayed with Nate? Did it bother her that her father was gay? Was she over Serena leaving her? What had happened with Chuck, before and now? And of course her favorite, what about your mother. Damn Freud and his mother issues, she could give him a lesson in those.

There was a knock at the door and Chuck got up from the couch assuming it was Serena. He wondered if he could get rid of her before Blair got out of the bath. God he was a selfish bastard, but it was what it was, he wasn't going to make excuses even to himself. He was happiest with just he and Blair, but he could try to share her now and then. Didn't mean he had to like it.

However, when he opened the door what stood before him sent all those happy feeling flying out the window. Dan and Serena stood in front of the door though the looks on their faces made it abundantly clear they would have rather been anywhere else. The person standing two feet behind them was clearly the reason, Jenny Humphrey.

Chuck clinched his jaw and tilted back on one foot and called out toward the bathroom. "Blair I'm gonna step out for a minute, I'll be right back." A soft "Ok," wafted back from behind the bathroom door.

He turned back toward them gesturing with his hands, "Go." He wasn't yelling in volume but it was very present in his tone.

They got almost to the elevators when he stopped walking the other three coming to a halt with him. Jenny was still two steps back as if she needed the protection the space afforded. She probably did.

"What the Hell is she doing here?" His voice was getting louder each time he spoke and the daggers coming from his eyes weren't the most reassuring either.

Serena spoke first, "Chuck, Jenny just wanted to bring Blair her work and well…" He cut her off before she got any further.

"That was your job Serena. To get Blair's work, because she has the flu." His emphasis on the last word wasn't lost on any of them. Unfortunately Chuck didn't miss that fact and Little J showed quite clearly on her face that she was more than aware that Blair didn't have the flu.

It was at this point that Serena actually felt a little fear. She watched as Chuck's face went from anger to rage in half a second flat.

Instead of louder this time, Chuck voice went stone cold. "How did she find out?" He was looking directly at Serena.

She flinched and Chuck noticed that Dan moved just a hair closer to her. He couldn't have cared less, he wanted answers and he didn't much care who he had to go through to get them.

"She um…" Dan stepped in at this point, as Serena seemed unable to complete a sentence under Chuck's menacing stare. "I forgot she was home last night and when I asked how Blair was, Serena was just telling me."

"I overheard them, they didn't tell me." Jenny really was trying to help, but all she managed to do was divert Chuck's ire to her.

"Well, she speaks." His voice was sugary sweet with flecks of ice, Serena imagined it was what Satan himself sounded like.

He pushed through the two in front of him; coming to stand inches from her his face so close she could feel his breath.

"Don't think I don't know it was you that started all this. Blair could have weathered the gossip girl scandal; none of us would have talked. But you, you with your arrogant need to do what you think is right, damn the rest. Do you really think you helped anyone, do you think your precious Nate is better off now? The only person to benefit from all this was you. I knew after the masked ball that you weren't what you pretended to be. You wanted revenge and you got it, well played. But this thing with Blair, you went too far. You messed in things that were none of your business. Though I imagine I have the same person to thank for putting that information in you pretty little head in the first place." He paused then to glace to his left at Serena who now stood at Jenny's side. He bowed her head with the weight of his glare.

Dan and Serena were still trying to figure out what Chuck meant by some of what he had just said, but when he started on Jenny again they pushed it aside.

Chuck turned back to his main target. "So you have this little bit of information, and since last night no less. Well I'm sure that Gossip Girl wouldn't have held on to a scandalous tidbit like this for long, so I assume you haven't alerted her yet. Are you biding your time, waiting on the perfect moment to show your new power? Or perhaps you've told your new friends and it will be a group effort,"

Wild eyes looked up at him, "I promise, I would never do that. I swear I never meant to hurt Blair so much. I'm so very sorry, you have to believe me." She was all over the place, her pitch sharp, her words choppy, rushing to get it out, to try to make him understand. She failed.

"Save your pretty words for Blair, they are worthless to me. I'm here to warn you," His voice could have cut glass. Dan stepped closer then as if to get between them, but he found Chuck's hand in his chest. Chuck's eyes never wavered.

"Be careful Little J, you are walking a fine line now. If one whisper about Blair gets out, a shift in the wind against her, if anything happens to Blair, I. Will. End. You."

Jenny felt every word to the tips of her toes. She saw the truth in his eyes, there would be no stopping him, no place to hide. She had no idea what he was truly capable of, but she was pretty sure that with the money at his disposal and the way she had witnessed his mind working that she wouldn't survive it.

Stepping back, Chuck eyed the other two. "So what is your grand plan here?"

Dan resisted the urge to rub his chest where he was sure Chuck had just left fingerprints. "We thought maybe if Jenny talked to Blair, told her she was sorry that it would be ok. Jenny knows what's going on and we don't think it is a good idea to start keeping secrets from Blair like that."

Chuck scoffed at the "we" part. Serena had done just fine at keeping secrets until she met Dan. However, given the situation he was right they couldn't keep this from Blair. She needed to know what was going on around her.

"Fine. Take them to Serena's suite and I'll talk to Blair. She may not want to see Jenny but I will give her the option." Chuck was addressing Dan because he was usually the calm one. He was also still pissed at Serena because this was the second piece of information she had let slip that could hurt Blair.

He turned back toward his suite, "Don't call us, we'll call you," was the last thing he threw back over his shoulder as he reached his door.

Dan looked at Serena who still looked a little shaken, "Well I guess it could have been worse." Her look clearly told him he had no idea what he was talking about.

Chuck had been sitting on the couch for barely five minutes before Blair came out of the bathroom. She was wearing a fluffy white hotel robe with a towel wound around her head. Smiling as she saw him, she changed direction and went to sit by him with her hairbrush in her hand. She was relaxed now, ready to tell him what she and the doctor had talked about.

"Hey there." She gave him a peck on the lips then pulled the towel off her head letting her wet hair cascade around her. "Will you brush my hair?"

It had become a strange ritual, him brushing her hair. It had started in the hospital he found that it soothed her. Then he realized how much she liked it. Thinking this was a perfect time for a good distraction. "Of course."

He hated to admit it, but he loved doing it. It was just one more thing on a growing list of Chairisms. Something she had made up while they were talking one night. Chuck and Blair became 'Chair' and their 'isms'. It was ridiculous, but he loved it anyway. Though he would never say so out loud, simply rolling his eyes when she added a new one.

Pulling her between his legs he began his work on her hair. When she put her feet up on the coffee table he rested his leg across hers. Figuring that he could keep her in place a little longer if necessary. She seemed to be in better spirits and he should probably have asked about her session, but they had more pressing issues now. He wasn't fully convinced that Jenny hadn't leaked the news or wouldn't and he needed Blair prepared just in case.

"So I saw Serena and Dan in the hallway."

"Really, we should invite them over for dinner or something. It would be nice to do a normal date thing you know?"

Chuck cringed at the realization that there were going to be a lot more of these 'date things' with Serena and Dan in his future. Deciding to dwell on that another day, preferable with a scotch in his hand he moved on.

"Jenny was with them." He felt her whole body tighten up at the mention of her name.

"Oh, what was she doing here?" The tremor was evident in her voice, there was no hiding her fears. Only to hear them confirmed.

"She knows. Overheard S telling Daniel last night." He saw her head sink a bit, waited for some show of where her mind was.

"Does everyone know?" He could hear the unshed tears, but just kept brushing her hair. Maybe if he didn't act like it was a big deal, she would follow his lead.

"No. Apparently she feels bad for everything from before and wants to apologize. She brought your schoolwork, seems to want to make amends."

"Oh. Did you talk to her, does she seem sincere?" Blair knew that Chuck could spot an insincere gesture at 100 paces they had that in common.

"She did. She is at Serena's now if you want to see her. It's up to you."

"Well Dr. Rosen said today that maybe if I talk to some of the people that were involved in all this that I could make peace with it. It's supposed to be something like an alcoholic talks to the people they've hurt to make amends. So maybe that is what I need to do, make amends or get some closure, something like that."

Chuck almost smiled, apparently she had taken his advice and talked to the doctor. "That sounds fine, though I think she is the one that needs to make amends to you."

Blair knew better. Still feeling the brush move through her hair, she sat in the peace and quiet and reflected. Blair had been awful to Jenny she could see that now. Blair had once been the lowly freshman trying to suck up to the upper classman, but she knew no one had ever been that hard on her. As her shrink kept reminding her, this was high school and it was hard, but she had the rest of her life ahead of her. Why had it taken her this long to realize that simple fact?

Chuck was still running the brush through her hair. He wasn't sure what she was thinking, but her posture indicated that she was no longer upset.

"I think I'll go dry my hair and get dressed. Then we'll go over, ok?"

"Ok." He handed her brush back and she got up and went back to the bathroom.

Chuck sank back against the sofa. That had gone better than he had expected. Maybe shrinks weren't such a stupid idea after all. He laid his head back and hoped that the rest of the evening would work out as well.

She came out of the bathroom and went back in two more times. Finally emerging she stood before him, "Well, how do I look?"

The smile on her face would have been enough, but she looked, "Stunning." Dressed from head to toe in a way that only Blair Waldorf could pull off.

She walked toward him and put her arms around his neck. "I feel all dressed up and ready to go out."

"We could you know." She had never wanted to go out, barely left the room. He was more than ready to take her out, but he was pretty sure she wasn't there yet.

"You know what I actually just like being here with you." She meant it. Blair had never thought it was possible to be happy unless she was attending a gala or the center of attention. Now she knew that all she needed was to be his center of attention.

"You will never hear me complain about some alone time with you." He leaned in a kissed her sofly. She moved closer and wrapped her arms fully around him. Her head resting on his shoulder her lips by his ear.

He felt her let out a long breath, "Tell me I can do this," she whispered.

Squeezing her just a bit he replied, "You can."


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: Reviews and critiques are welcome

A/N: Ok, thanks to all who are staying with me. I know I can be longwinded. Here is the rest of Wednesday and if you are very good I might try to post Thursday tonight or first thing tomorrow. Hope you all enjoy. To all who review, I am forever greatful.

For Mary: who always encourages me to write.

Chapter 19

Wednesday – part 2

When they reached the door to the Van Der Woodson suite she squeezed his hand and took a deep breath before knocking. Serena swept her into the room clearly overcompensating for something. Blair didn't really pay much attention to what she was saying just then, she was trying to keep her focus.

Chuck moved through to a chair on the far side of the room, eyeing Jenny on a couch on the other wall. She was sitting straight as a bored, toes together, head down. He wasn't sure if she looked like she was already punished or about to be. He was hoping for the later.

Blair caught sight of Jenny about the time she hit the center of the room. She was suddenly paralyzed. Little J the girl who had betrayed her to Nate, who told her Nate had betrayed her with Serena – or so he thought. Jenny Humphrey who so desperately wanted a view from the inside she had been willing to let Blair step all over her and then she had done the stepping to take her place. Sitting prim and proper in the Van Der Woodsen sofa the girl that seemed to symbolize all the bad things in Blair's life, including Blair herself.

When Jenny looked up sensing the tension in the room her eyes met with Blair's. She opened her mouth to speak but closed it again. Blair too tried to speak, to move but couldn't. Breaking the stare first she looked away. She tried to breathe but it didn't come easily, she knew she was starting to panic and needed to find a way out. Then she found it.

Meeting his eyes she felt a different sensation wash over her. She read the look in his eyes, so reassuring, so confident. Moving forward without thought she made her way to the chair he was sitting in and folded herself into it and into him. Chuck never moved except to shift his left hand to the small of her back. He made small circles there, and she felt the tension roll out of her system. Leaning back against his left size, she kissed the side of his cheek then faced the object of her distress.

"Jenny, I heard that you brought my schoolwork. That was very kind of you, I haven't been feeling well lately." Blair was smooth and polished you would never have known she wasn't completely confident. Except for her left hand hiding behind her leg clenching the fabric of Chuck's shirt.

"I brought everything, and I got notes from someone in all your classes." The eagerness in Jenny's voice made it clear she really was trying to make amends. Her face read like the front page of the USA Today, a big colorful completely obvious map with graphics.

"Thank you that was very kind."

And then it came, Blair knew it would and she didn't have to wait very long. "Blair I am so, so sorry for telling Nate. I was angry with you and I know now you were just upset about what I told you about Nate. I know I should have stayed out of your business and all of this. I didn't mean for all this bad stuff to happen. And I swear that I won't say a thing to anyone about anything not anything at all." Her rambling and high pitch was about to make Blair nauseous. She wasn't sure she was ready to forget, but she needed to forgive, if only for her own piece of mind.

Letting out a deep breath she began, "Jenny we have all made mistakes. Whatever happened is over now. I think we'd all just like to start over. So we will just put all this behind us." Not waiting for a further reply she turned to Chuck. "I'm hungry can we go get some dinner."

Smiling and giving her one of those looks that was reserved only for her, "Of course."

With some help from Chuck they both climbed out of the deep cushioned chair. Serena met Blair and hugged her chattering in her ear while walking her to the door.

Chuck hung back stopping in front of Jenny his eyes boring into her. "Remember what I said Little J. Blair can forgive and forget, she doesn't need to hold a grudge. She had me for that." The steel in his voice made her lip tremble and she squeezed her eyes shut for just a moment. By the time she reopened them and caught her breath he was gone.

She came out of the bathroom extending the lotion bottle in her hand toward him. "Do my back?" Without waiting for a reply she sat on the edge of the bed and dropped the straps of the gown just like the night before.

Chuck smiled though it probably would have looked predatory to an outsider. Beginning at her neck, his hands spread the soft liquid down her back the same as the night before. This was a Chairism he could get behind. "I thought the conversation with Jenny went well."

"Yes, I believe it did. I really just want to put all of that behind me. Dr. Rosen said that I have to stop reliving it if I'm going to start fresh. So I'm not going to think about all that anymore." She felt confident and happy clearly facing Jenny had helped.

"Well I think that sounds like a very good plan."

When he finished she moved the straps back up and returned the lotion to the bathroom. Just like the night before she slid into bad without hesitation. He reached up and turned out the light, waiting for her to press her back against him, but apparently she had a different idea. When he reached for her he felt her arms wrap around him, her breath on his chin.

"Hi" Her voice sounded almost coy. They had kissed several times over the last few days, but she had never been overtly sexual about it.

He couldn't resist, "Hello princess."

She giggled, "I think we should have a new rule."

He would have rolled his eyes, but it was almost too dark to have the desired effect.

"We should kiss goodnight, every night. So that no matter what happened all day, we know we still care about each other."

"Well I think I can support that rule." He moved in and caught her lips. He realized quickly that this wasn't like the soft kisses they had shared. It wasn't about how much they cared about each other, though that was part of it. This was about how much they wanted each other.

Chuck knew that sex probably wasn't a good idea, but Blair was directing this episode and he would follow wherever she led.

Her body curled into his and her lips and tongue were doing their best to explore his mouth to the fullest. He was returning the favor. Then he noticed her hand touch the skin on his side near the waist of his pajama bottoms. She was moving up underneath the top her hands finding new territory up his back. Rediscovering the skin that she hadn't touched since the night of her birthday her breath was coming in gasps now.

Finding that she couldn't seem to get enough she moved back while pushing the shirt up hoping he would help her rid him of the unnecessary garment.

Chuck wasn't slow and pulled the silk over his head and went back to ravishing her mouth. Blair reveled in the sensations. Feeling the hair on his chest and the smooth ripples of his back under her fingertips she couldn't help but moan.

God he missed that sound. No one sounded like Blair, he was sure of it. His hands were sliding over the silk of her gown, itching to sample the flesh underneath.

Her right hand was moving through his hair. Her silk clad breasts were tingling as they grazed his chest. Her leg crawled up the side of his body, hooking around his waist holding him close. Feeling his fingers trail over the top of her shoulder and down her arm taking the silk straps as they went. She felt warm all over, remembered that feeling only too well.

He moved his lips down her jaw line and found refuge behind her ear. Continuing to the crook of her neck alternating between soft dragging kisses and open-mouthed skin sucking ones. When he reached her neck he drew his teeth gently over her skin, eliciting a gasp before he traced back over the soft flesh with his tongue. He felt her fingernails marking his back, "God Blair" was all he could manage refusing to relinquish her skin to form anything more substantive.

His hand slid back up her arm and moved slowly down over the side of her neck and over her collarbone. He heard her breath hitch as he found his target. Fingertips slid gently over the crest of her breast causing her to cry out. His warm palm encompassed her his thumb moving in circles across her skin. She was panting now in anticipation as his lips continued lower.

Her stomach clenched as his lips reached their destination. Fire coursed through her veins and he knew he'd bear the scars of her exuberance tomorrow. His head swam as she clung to every part of him, her whimpers like music resounding in his ears.

Pushing her onto her back, continuing the assault with his mouth. Sliding his hand further down over her abdomen, tracing the silk to her center. Fingers burning to touch the flesh below the silk, pressing gently into the lush valley between her thighs.

She couldn't think with his lips and tongue on her, his hand finding the heat she couldn't control. She was swirling, losing her grip, losing control. She wanted to welcome it, wanted to ride the tidal wave that threatened to consume her. Flashes of that first night sent her reeling, then flashes of the next day threw her crashing back to earth. She had to stop, they weren't ready, she wasn't ready. Her hand took hold of his, he immediately realized she wanted him to stop, his head coming up to meet her eyes.

"I…I can't," her voice was soft, unsure.

His eyes were wild still, he was grasping for control, "I'm sorry." He hadn't meant to go too far, had meant to let her lead. She was intoxicating, overwhelming. Chuck had never felt so out of control with a woman before. He was still pulsing with need, should have moved away from her, but he couldn't make himself do it.

Shaking her head, "Don't be sorry. That was amazing. I just," looking down trying to find the words, "I can't make that mistake again. I never want to wake up next to you and not be sure of everything. I couldn't survive it."

He nodded, understanding. Neither regretted their past liaisons but the timing hadn't been right. They wouldn't make that mistake again; it had cost them too much.

Looking up at him, her eyes wide from the lingering lust and something more. "Are you mad?"

Smiling then, he stroked a finger down the side of her face and over her lips, "How could I be upset when you are in my arms."

She couldn't help but giggle, it was cheesy and so not Chuck. Blair loved that she was the only one who ever got to hear things like that, to know that he was capable of it.

She smiled, kissed him gently on the lips and settled down until her head was tucked under his chin. "Goodnight Chuck."

Closing his eyes, trying to calm his raging hormones he replied, "Goodnight Blair"


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: Reviews and critiques are welcome

A/N: Thank you to all my reviews. I hope you continue to like this story as much as I have enjoyed writing it.

For Mary: who always encourages me to write.

Chapter 20

Thursday

It had started out as a very good day. She woke up wrapped in Chuck's arms, which was quickly becoming a habit she wasn't sure she was going to be able to break. He had kissed her goodbye and headed off for school and she had headed back to bed.

Chuck didn't seem to require nearly the amount of sleep she did to feel normal. They talked until at least 12 or 1 every night, then he would get up at 7:00 and be ready to leave for school by 8:00. She giggled once at the meticulous fashion in which he proceeded through his morning, and he shot her a look that clearly said 'don't say a word'. Then of course she giggled some more.

After the first couple of mornings with Dorota hovering over them Chuck had begged her to just have his room back. She couldn't deny him, since she was the one imposing on him. However, sitting here now at 9:45am she was lonely. So she did the one thing that she knew she probably wasn't ready to do, especially not alone. She checked Gossip Girl.

Chuck had turned her phone off early on and he checked it every few hours, deleting anything he thought she didn't need to read, or people she didn't need to hear from. It would have been obtrusive and overbearing if it just wasn't so damn sweet. He went to painstaking lengths to take care of her and she couldn't help but feel like a princess. Of course she knew when he called her "Princess" he was usually being an ass, but she was glad that in some ways they were getting back to normal. Serena was still having trouble not treating her like she might break if she looked at her wrong.

So here she was sitting in front of his computer, poised over the link to the site that had started this whole mess. Though she knew that it wasn't the site or whoever ran it. She, Nate and Chuck had done this they were to blame. Taking a deep breath she clicked the mouse and saw what was at different times her best friend and worst enemy explode onto the screen.

Browsing through she saw pictures of Chuck and Serena at various points in the past couple of days. Suddenly realizing that both had been at her hospital bed she was pleasantly surprised to see that neither was seen coming or going from there. There was a sweet picture of Serena and LonelyBoy. Giggling, Blair wondered when it was that Brooklyn had grown on her. Maybe when he sat and talked to her about his mom when she was having such an awful day. Maybe it was the day that she realized she never would have done that for him and he knew it.

Then she saw some pictures of Nate, nothing special though there was one with Jenny Humphrey that gave her pause. She shrugged it off and found a nice little one of Chuck; he really was so cute, until the next one showed Hazel hanging around his neck. She studied it trying to decide which one she was going to kill or both. Chuck's head was turned enough and the position of his hand on Hazel's arm that she decided it was Hazel she was going to strangle. Or a long drawn out poison, or rabies invested bees maybe. She almost laughed, when had she gotten so possessive of Chuck. Laugh or no, Hazel was going to pay. She could do this, none of this had the power over her now that it used to.

Just as she had blown the picture up as big as it would go trying to see the look on the side of Chuck's face her phone rang.

Seeing the name come up she cringed just a bit, decided to push through her concern and answered, "Mother, how nice to hear from you."

"Hello dear, I was just going to leave you a message I assumed you'd be in school."

Blair rolled her eyes at her mother's condescending tone, though she wasn't sure she had any other.

"I told you that I probably wouldn't try to go back to school until Monday, I'm seeing the doctor every afternoon and trying to rest. Almost dying isn't as easy as it looks." If her mother was going to be rude, then she could act in kind. Somewhere in the back of her head she wondered when she had allowed herself to be less than perfect in front of her mother. Oh yeah that death thing again.

"WELL, if you hadn't been so stupid to get a boy's attention, then we wouldn't be in this mess."

Blair was floored, she knew her mother thought what she did was stupid but not that she was actually stupid. "Mother I didn't do it to get anybody's attention. I was…"

Her mother cut her off. "Well of course you did, I mean really Blair, in Chuck Bass's bed, how crass. He's a user Blair just like his father."

"This has nothing to do with Chuck, it's about me. You remember me right, your daughter," Blair was yelling now and the tears were pooling in her eyes. Did she not care at all, how could she have lived with this woman her whole life and still not understand.

"Yes, my daughter, who ruins her reputation with a boy like Chuck," the way her mother spit out his name left little illusion to how she felt about him. "I mean really Blair, you had Nate wrapped around your finger and he was such a sweet boy."

Then she was over the edge. Bounding up from the bed as she screamed "Sweet! He didn't even love me mother, he only wanted me when he didn't have me. He cheated on me, and he's the sweet one?" Blair's heart was racing, the anger pulsing through her so hard she wanted to hit something.

"Well men cheat Blair, that's what they do," Blair knew she meant her father. "But clearly he was discreet, unlike Mr. Bass's exploits." And just when Blair thought her mother couldn't sink any lower, that it couldn't get any worse, it did.

"You are so naïve Blair, you have to learn how to handle these things. Your looks are already beginning to fade and let's not talk about the extra five pounds you seem to have put on. Don't you realize that if you don't lock up someone now there won't be any good ones left? Do you really think you are cut out for finishing Yale and becoming a corporate lawyer or senior executive? You need to think long and hard about the rest of your life Blair, and being a good society wife to a certain kind of man. Chuck Bass is not that man, he's always going to be trading up for a better, younger version, and there are so many girls out there." Blair didn't need to hear the "so much better than you" that her mother had left off the end of that statement.

Blair's hand was gripping the bar, trying to keep herself upright as her head swirled with hurt and anger. Then her mother went in for the kill. "I thought you would have learned by now, I mean look at Serena so poised and gracious. Why must you disgrace the family name. Hasn't your father done enough damage with his whoring around, must you follow in his footsteps. Soon, there won't be anyone who'll condescend to associate with you." There it was, an echo of the words Chuck had uttered, and now from her own mother.

The tears were racing down Blair's cheeks, she attempted to clear her throat to speak, but was cut short.

"Well I suppose there will be plenty to talk about when I get home, I have to go. Goodbye."

And she was gone. A wave passed over Blair forcing her eyes shut, rolling down her body to her toes and back up again. Suddenly her hands clenched, shook with the rage that was burning inside. Reaching for the glass in front of her she sent it hurling to the far wall. The satisfaction of the shattering sound was powerful but short lived.

Reaching for another, it was soon following the other one, glass flying through the air. Then her last shred of control snapped. She picked up the coffee table and turned it over, threw the cushions toward the door, the lamp found a corner of the bar and broke in three pieces before collapsing in a pile on the floor.

She tore at everything like she was trying to tear out the words her mother had imprinted on her. The curtains came down rod and all, the bedding tossed aside, everything destroyed, just like she was. Then she reached the computer. Chuck.

Her hand, shaking on the side of the computer screen, she held onto the shred of peace he brought. She needed him, and she needed him now. Dropping her head as the tears continued to flow she stepped carefully over to the pile of linen where her phone had ended up. Falling down beside it she picked it up and finding it unbroken, unlike herself, she typed in a message and hit send.

_**Need u come home**_

Chuck was drumming his fingers on the desk; this class seemed to go on forever. He would have sworn that the clock was going backwards. Just a few more minuets and he could go to lunch, or more importantly talk to Blair. Professor Harris had taken his cell phone during 2nd period, apparently he had checked it one to many times looking to see if Blair was ok. It was her first real morning alone, a fact that hadn't actually dawned on him until Serena mentioned it when they got to school.

He felt guilty for getting her to send Dorota away, but the woman was driving him nuts. He couldn't get Blair alone until almost 10pm, then she was there before his alarm even went off in the morning. He forgot that now Blair would be by herself all day, or at least until 2pm when the shrink arrived.

Finally the bell sounded and he grabbed his book bag and was out the door while most were still gathering their things. He came down the stairs toward the quad and saw Serena out of the corner of his eye. She seemed to be studying her phone when he reached her. "Have you heard form Blair?"

When she looked up at him, the look in her eye made his stomach roll. Without a word she pushed the phone at him.

**Please I need him**

Backing up a message it read.

_**Can't find Chuck need him.**_

His fingers began flying over the unfamiliar keys of Serena's phone.

**B it's C Prof took my phone are you ok?**

He held his breath and a second later the screen lit up.

**NO come home**

"Oh, God." Chuck shoved the phone back at Serena and picked up his bag and ran toward the street. Throwing his hand in the air he flagged a taxi, and sent it racing to the Palace.

Dan walked up to Serena both their eyes on the street. "Did Chuck just get in a taxi?"

"Yeah," her voice low and soft. "I hope she's ok." Knowing that she might be the best friend but Chuck was the soul mate.

Chuck opened the door to the suite pushing until the door hit some kind of obstruction, looking down he saw a pillow and following the trail into the room he got his first glimpse of the destruction. Opening the door the rest of the way he inhaled sharply as he saw the room, he wasn't sure even his wildest party had ever done this much damage.

His eyes searching for Blair he saw the giant picture on the computer screen. Hazel hanging on him in vivid color, his fist clenched thinking he really had to do something about that girl. Then he saw her, in the middle of the bed her arms hugging her knees into her chest, head down.

Hearing a crunch her head came up praying he had come. She had been trying to hold on, knowing he would come, believed it with everything she had, but hoping he'd hurry.

When he saw her he knew that whatever he had planned for Hazel wasn't going to be enough. Her eyes were red and swollen, tear stains down her cheeks, bits of hair clinging to her face. He moved across the room dropping his coat and jacket along the way. Not wanting to scare her he stopped at the edge of the bed sitting slowly, never taking his eyes off hers.

Suddenly he heard a sob and she flew at him wrapping herself around him. He drew her into his lap clutching her to him trying to tell her it would be ok, just like that first morning in the hospital. The wracking sobs were ripping him apart, he wanted to say something but just didn't know what.

Finally he offered, "She's not worth it, baby." She was clinging to his shirt and he could feel the wetness of her tears on his shoulder. "I promise nothing happened, you know that right." His voice was soft, she had to believe him, he hadn't given her a lot of reasons to in the past but things were different now. Weren't they?

Blair looked up at him, a confused expression on her face. She couldn't figure out what he was talking about until just past his shoulder she saw the picture on the computer screen. Realizing what he must have thought she was upset about, she shook her head.

"Not you, my mother." Her voice was rough from crying and now it was his turn to look confused.

"She called," he questioned while continuing to run his hand through her hair, soothing her.

All she could manage was a nod, then she laid her head back against his chest and continued to let the tears fall silently until there weren't any left.

After a while her breathing calmed and he was trying to think what to do now. Kissing her on the top of the head, he whispered into hair, "Why don't I run you a hot bath."

Smiling a bit she nodded without looking up.

"Ok, come on." He picked her up then, hearing a soft gasp escape her.

He sat her up on the sink and turned to run the bath water. Picking up the phone on the opposite wall and muttering something into it. She stared at him. Chuck Bass was running her a bath, adding some bath beads of some sort from the basket near the tub, how strange the world had turned. She couldn't help but smile, he was everything she had ever wanted and so much more. He was crass and rude but with her it was just banter, his eyes always told her she meant more to him. She was always more when she was with him.

She had lost it today, her mother pressing those words into her again. Those feelings of weakness, failure and disappointment roared to the surface and she couldn't seem to get control of them. Then she knew the answer. Chuck would help her. She was starting to panic when she couldn't reach him. Was trying to walk though all the memories in her mind of the last few days, his touch, his smile, the way he looked at her like she was the most important person in the world. Trying to stay away from the bathroom, keep her finger from her throat; keep the shards of glass from finding her wrists. She could do this, he had told her so and she believed him.

And then he had come, pulled her back together. Now he was running bathwater. It really was the sweetest thing. She was never letting him go. There was so much left to say, to work through, around. But the simple fact was, she was never letting him go.

She slipped down onto the cold marble and pulled the t-shirt over her head, and pushed the yoga pants down until they slipped past her hips to puddle on the floor.

When he turned around his breath caught in his throat. She was standing in front of him in a deep purple satin and lace bra and tiny lace boyshort panties. He clinched his jaw and tried to speak coherently, "I think the water is good, call me if you need anything." He needed to get out of there, before he did something he shouldn't, tried something she would regret. He didn't make it.

Her hand caught his shoulder and she stepped slightly in front of him. Her whisper caught him off guard, he must have heard her wrong. "Stay with me." But she repeated herself, "Stay with me, please".

He was lost, wanted so badly to do the right thing. Knew he would never be able to. She began to undo the buttons on his shirt and he just stood there, powerless to move. When she moved to his belt, his hands caught hers.

"Blair, I'm not sure we…" He never got the rest out as she touched her finger to his lips.

"We don't have to do anything, just stay with me." She smiled so softly then, her eyes holding him, asking for the answer she needed to hear. He wouldn't deny her anything. Not now, not ever.

She finished with the belt and soon his pants were lying on the floor next to hers. With that she stepped around and took the two strides to the tub. Reaching around she unhooked her bra, letting it slide off before dropping it to join the rest of the clothing.

Chuck was sure every part of him was sweating and his mouth was watering seeing her put her fingers inside the trim of her panties and watching them slide all the way down. He was sure she was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen as she stepped into the water and lowered herself fully into it. Then she sat with her arms hugging her knees just like she had on the bed and looked up at him one last time before closing her eyes and waiting on him to come back to her.

Chuck let out a deep breath, trying to figure out how he was going to survive being naked and wet this close to Blair and still manage to control himself. As his silk boxers topped off the pile of clothes on the floor he hoped she knew what she was doing, because he had no idea.

Feeling the water move as he stepped in behind her, she felt his legs slide by each of hers. Then she settled back against him. Knowing something was missing she opened her eyes and looked to the side to see his arm up on the side of the tub. She smiled to herself realizing he didn't want to push her. She reached up and pulled his arm to her, doing the same to the one on the right, until he was wrapped around her.

Letting out a deep breath she relaxed, knowing that soon she would be able to tell him what had happened with her mother. And somehow after that it would all be better. Everything really was going to be all right.

Feeling her body meld with his she felt so at peace. How was it that just his presence seemed to restore her ability to think rationally? Running her fingertips over his hand, she sighed. "My mother called to tell me that I'm stupid, you're going to leave me, and I'm a whore." Her voice so even you would have thought that she was talking about the weather.

His eyes rolled back, 'God Eleanor really is a bitch'. Maybe he hadn't been clear enough the first time. He would deal with her mother later, right now he needed to make Blair realize she didn't have to listen to her anymore. "Is that all?" he didn't know what else to say.

She laughed she just couldn't help it. Chuck was right; her mother had never been anything but hard on her, why should she care what she thought. "Well she also said soon I wouldn't have anyone who would speak to me."

Chuck almost groaned, knowing those words were too close to the ones he had thrown at her not too long ago. "I am sorry. You know none of that is true." He wanted to say especially the part about him leaving, but he figured one thing at a time.

"Yeah I guess so, I don't know why I've always been so afraid of her disapproval."

"We all want our parents approval Blair, especially when we aren't sure we have their love." He spoke from experience, Chuck wasn't a great person, but he didn't get there on his own.

Blair knew their parental relationships were messed up they just adopted opposing ways of dealing with them. She tried to be perfect; Chuck tried to be anything but. She had learned some things in the last few days; maybe her shrink would say she was having a breakthrough. They were her feelings and she could choose who she let hurt them. She was officially taking her mother off the list.

"I think we should concentrate on how we feel and not worry about what they think."

"We could try, though my way of dealing has its good points."

She knew he had an evil grin on his face and his eyes were dancing. She turned around in the water so fast some sloshed out on the floor. She read the surprise on his face as she moved until she was straddling him, knees on either side. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she was so close now, her breasts caressing his chest and her ass was pressing into him so nicely.

She captured his lips with hers, but the kiss didn't stay chaste for long. Her tongue found its way inside as she tried to breathe him in. Her hands gripping the side of his face, pushing through his hair, she couldn't get close enough. The passion from her kisses was exploding all over her body.

His hands clamped down on her thighs his fingers burying into the soft flesh of her ass trying to hold her in place. He knew that if she rose up enough he could be inside of her before she knew what was happening. It was too soon; there was more to be said before it got that far. She was reacting to the call from her mother, to everything. Her emotions were running on overload, he figured she was making up for lost time.

Chuck tried to concentrate, she was everywhere and he was just trying to stay with her. It felt as if she were trying to eat him alive, not that he minded. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

"Mr. Chuck we clean bathroom now, yes?" The heavy and loud Asian accent carried through the door jarring Blair out of her stupor.

She looked down at Chuck as he grinned up at her. His eyes never leaving hers, "No, MiLynn it's fine thanks."

"Yes, Mr. Chuck but no more wild parties, you make big mess." The scolding was so cute, like a mother. Blair couldn't help but laugh just a bit.

He laughed, "I'll make sure a little something extra finds it's way to you, and no more big parties, I promise."

"Yeah, yeah, you always say that. Be good Mr. Chuck." And then she was gone.

Blair dropped her head on his shoulder and her body shook with laughter, though she never made a noise.

"You find this funny?" She could almost see his eyebrows rising.

"Aww… Chuck I never knew you had a Asian mother." She just couldn't help it, it was just so damn cute.

"Alright Waldorf you've had your laugh now." He wrapped one arm around her and pushing off the tub with the other brought them both up to their feet. One good thing about MiLynn's knock he had lost his erection.

Stepping out of the tub he grabbed a towel and held it out for her. She got out and walked into the towel and his arms. Both of their faces wide with smiles.

Walking out into the living room in bathrobes he plopped down on the couch, and suddenly found her lying across him but with a much more serious face than he was hoping for. Just as he was about to ask her what was wrong, she spoke "can we talk?"

Chuck would have thrown up if it hadn't been 6 hours since he ate. 'Can we talk' was simply never good. He nodded; it was all he could manage.

She took a deep breath, needed to get this out. It had been too long in coming. "What are we doing?"

His brow furrowed and since he had absolutely no idea what she was talking about he didn't know what to say.

"Are we dating?" The words came out like a question that seemed too silly to ask.

Chuck let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "Can you please never start another conversation with, 'Can we talk', it's unnerving." Now it was her turn to look confused.

Not bothering to explain he moved on, "I'm not sure what you call it, or even if there is a name for it. But there is something here and I for one don't plan on letting it go this time."

The confidence in his voice gave her everything she needed. The tension she was feeling flowed out and she sunk down deeper into the cushions.

"Good, me either. It's just…" there was something tentative as if she was trying to work out the language in her head.

"Just what?" his voice soothing and gentle.

"Boyfriend and girlfriend just seem too…."

"Small," he wasn't sure it was the right word, but it carried the right sentiment.

"Yeah," her eyes meeting his. Then she laughed, "Though I imagine fiancé or wife would give my mother a heart attack." Suddenly realizing what she had just said she flinched, but he didn't seem to notice.

Laughing he said, "God I'd love to see Eleanor's face."

Realizing that her words hadn't shocked him she relaxed. "Soul mates has a nice profound ring to it." She offered.

"Right, that wouldn't make us sound ridiculous during dinner party introductions at all." He scoffed.

"So what do we call it, this thing?"

"Well, I'd prefer it if you stopped referring to our relationship as if it needs a vaccine to cure it."

She couldn't help but laugh then, there was so much she loved about him. Then suddenly she realized she hadn't actually said it. Hadn't told him the three words she had been saying in her head since her birthday. Blair always wanted perfect moments, mood lighting and the right candles. She wanted to set a scene, cast an ambiance that would make any Hollywood director envious. But now sitting in a bathrobe, with no makeup and her hair falling down and wet everything was perfect. It always was with Chuck.

Bringing her hands up to his face, she found his eyes. The ones that saw the real her on the stage at Victorla, the ones that told her she was worthy on her birthday. The eyes that told her he had made mistakes, and that he would always be there for her.

"I love you." She breathed it out as natural as air. He felt it brush across his face, washing over him, washing him clean.

"I love you, too." He hadn't said those words since he was a child to a parent long since gone. They felt rusty in his mouth, retched from a deep piece of his heart he hadn't visited in much too long. He meant it, knew without question that he would mean it until he died.

She was sure he felt it, but until the words had form and substance she wasn't whole. The universe shifted as sure as if it had rocked the foundation of the building. This was what she had waited for, all those times with Nate. Hoping to feel everything slide into place, but it never did. Now she was complete, it sounded cliché even in her head but it was true. Some higher power had given her a second chance and she wasn't going to mess it up. He was her's and nothing in heaven or earth was going to change that.

He saw the tear as soon as it escaped and began to trail down her face. Caught it with his thumb, some visible sign of the cavern they had crossed. So much had happened, so many terrible transgressions committed in the name of hate and love. Now everything started anew. A fresh start, an unwavering feeling of connection that wouldn't be broken.

Pulling her gently to him, he kissed her soft and perfect.


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: Reviews and critiques are welcome

A/N: This one is short. I couldn't quite get through the whole day, but I wanted to post something. Sorry it was a CRAZY weekend but more to come really soon. Thanks to all who reviewed. You guys are awesome.

For Mary: who always encourages me to write.

Chapter 21

Friday – part 1

The alarm went off the same as it always did. One single stream of sunlight was shining through the small opening in the curtains. Everything in the room looked the same as every other day he had rolled over and smacked the top of the clock. Except it wasn't. Nothing was the same. The warm body curled into his, silky hair brushing up against his cheek. He never would have believed it was possible to feel so good, so content, so perfect.

The lazy smile played across his face as he shifted up on his arm. His fingers pushed back the hair that had settled over her face. Watching her lip curl up he couldn't help but trace the outline from the corner of her mouth. She rolled slowly over to look up into his eyes. Eyes that shined and smiled out at him. Him, Chuck Bass. He never imagined in his wildest dreams that this was possible. For her to want him as more than just a friend or an occasional lover, it was heaven.

He watched her forehead scrunch up so cute, knowing she couldn't quite figure out what was going through his head and it was making her crazy.

Answering her question before she could ask it, "I was just thinking how good this all feels." Leaning in to place the softest kiss on her lips.

Looking up into his face, she wasn't sure she had ever seen him look truly happy. The thought that she had somehow done that made her chest clench. "Well you better get used to it, because this is how it is going to be from now on." Her voice was firm, that one he heard when she had made her mind up. He knew better than anyone that once she did that it took heaven and earth to change it.

"Yes Ma'am" He leaned down and kissed her. Deepening the kiss, his hand tangling in her hair. She wrapped around him, her fingers stroking up and down his back.

"Beep, Beep, Beep"… Chuck groaned into her neck before rolling over and smacking the alarm again. Snooze just wasn't nearly as long as it should be.

Blair giggled, "You should get going, I wouldn't want to cut into your primping time." One second he was glaring at her the next he launched himself at her, tickling her until she was convulsing in laughs. "Can't breath, stop...stop…"

"Say Chuck is the master." He stopped his assault for a second.

"No."

His fingers renewed their adventure into her sides. "Say it, you know you want to." He was grinning, almost hoping she wouldn't give in.

"All right, I give, I give." She was breathless and panting. He loved seeing her this way, with a huge smile on her face.

He held her pinned down, leaning in close. "You didn't say the magic words."

She grinned up at him, "I love you."

He was jolted if only for a minute. His heart swelled and his chest tightened simultaneously, making it difficult to breath. He hadn't gotten used to this yet. For Chuck all these feelings were so new. He had never told a girl he loved her and now it was apparently something you said as easily as 'good morning'.

His hesitation scared her. "Chuck?" He heard the question in her voice, but had no idea now to answer it.

Suddenly Blair realized that for Chuck this was all completely unfamiliar territory. She told Nate she loved him all the time and he parroted it back to her just like she expected. She should have known that it would be hard for Chuck. He wasn't used to all this intimacy. Well maybe he could teach her a thing or two in the sexual side of the bedroom, but she was going to help him on this part.

"Chuck, you don't have to say anything. I'll just keep telling you until you get used to it. Ok. Now why don't you get ready for school?" She was caressing his cheek, trying to ease what seemed like tension and fear in his eyes.

Finally his stance softened and he pulled her up into a hug until he was sitting in the bed with her in his lap. Whispered into her hair, "I'll figure all this out, just give me some time."

Hugging him tighter, she softly replied, "Take all the time you need, I'm here."

He pulled back and kissed her on the forehead and then got up and went into the bathroom, closing the door.

Chuck kissed her and left for school. Blair sighed knowing this was the last school day that she would spend in the safe confines of the Bass suite. Pushing herself up she went to get the notebook the shrink had her keeping and starting reading over everything she had written.

After a couple of hours of reading and more writing Blair had come to a conclusion. She had to talk to Nate. She realized that seeing Jenny had helped. Well and it was even better that the girl had appeared truly sorry and remorseful. She was pretty sure that Nate would not feel the same.

There was nothing that Blair could do about all the spiteful girls that she had once called friend. Honestly she really didn't care. The thing with Nate was partly her fault, she should never have gone back to him, she knew that now. Looking back, she simply should have stayed with Chuck and trusted him. He could have taken her to the cotillion and everything would have been fine. No outing of her dirty laundry, no fighting between Chuck and Nate, she could have made it all turn out different.

Dr. Rosen had told her to stop dwelling on the past and embrace what you can make of the future. It sounded like a hokey add for the armed forces 'embrace your future'. At this point Blair was willing to give anything a try.

Picking up her phone she texted Serena.

_**Call me at your next break.**_

Serena called at 11:03. "Hey B, what's up?"

"S, I need a favor."

"Ok."

"I need you to tell Nate to meet you in Chuck's room as soon as school is out."

"What??"

"Then I need you to distract Chuck for at least half-an-hour."

"Blair are you out of your mind? Why do you want to see Nate? Why can't Chuck know? Are you trying to get Nate back??" Serena's voice was rising so fast she was going to move into a range only dogs could hear soon.

"God No. I don't want Nate back, but I do have to talk to him. I can't do that with Chuck here."

"B I think this is a really bad idea." Serena didn't want to say that Blair didn't seem to do so well with anything if Chuck wasn't around.

"Look Serena I have to come back to school on Monday and I need to do that without having a breakdown, so you need to help me with this." Blair knew that Serena was going to give in, she wasn't someone who took guilt well.

"All right, but I make no promises about how long I can keep Chuck busy. It's not easy keeping him away from you these day."

"I know." Serena could hear the smile in Blair's voice across the airwaves. This seriously had been the strangest week.

"Thanks S. I fill you in on everything later. K, Bye"

"Bye." Serena paused and hoped that Blair knew what she was doing. She also considered the fact that Blair had never questioned her ability to get Nate up to the suite. She wasn't sure she shouldn't be bothered by that, but considering she already knew exactly how to do it she left that thought alone. She had much a much bigger problem, and its name was Chuck Bass.

Shortly after 2 Serena sent a text to Nate to meet her at Chuck's. He responded why, she said Chuck wouldn't be there…" just meet me please". Blah. Blah and Nate was in. That settled she moved on to her next plot.

She called Chuck. "Hello?" She heard the "why the hell are you calling me?" in his voice.

"Hey Chuck. So I was thinking about having like a little dinner party tonight, just you and Blair and me and Dan. Kind of a getting back into socializing kind of thing."

"I'm sure she'd like that, why are you telling me and not Blair?"

"Well she was just saying a couple of days ago that when she goes back to school it would be nice to have something to hang onto, you know like a reminder that she could get through everything. I guess we were talking about AA giving out those medallion things."

"What you want me to get her some kind of 'Suicide Survivor – 6 days and counting' medal?"

She rolled her eyes, "No. I just thought maybe you could pick her up something, you know jewelry or something. But if you don't want to I'll get her something myself." Serena knew Chuck well enough to know he didn't like being one-uped. He certainly wasn't going to let Serena get her something and then show up empty handed.

"I get it. Don't worry about it, I'll pick something up for her after school."

"Great, dinner is at 7." Serena was so chipper, she turned and kissed Dan in a way she rarely did in public. When she pulled away he was still looking at her a little oddly.

"I have to get to class, but at some point can you explain to me what just happened."

She laughed and kissed him swiftly before turning to run to class herself. "It was a kiss Dan."

She didn't need to look back to see him roll his eyes. A Blair Waldorf plan was usually just too much to explain on short notice and she wasn't fully sure she understood it herself.

"Daniel, any plans my man." Dan wasn't sure what alarmed him more. Chuck's arm around him on the happy greeting he had just received. A happy Chuck was still just a bit unnerving.

"Um, not really. I was gonna go home and then apparently there is a dinner tonight?"

"Yes, yes. And we my good sir are going to get some niceties for the ladies."

With that he pulled Dan into the limo. Twenty minutes later they were standing behind a counter at Tiffany's. Dan was feeling extremely out of place, especially when the lady at the counter called Chuck by name.

Chuck pointed to a diamond necklace. The lady took it out of the case and laid it on a blue velvet cloth. "It's beautiful, don't you think?" Chuck was fingering the edges and somehow from the look in his eye Dan thought he was imagining that it was already on Blair's neck.

"Um yeah, how much is it?"

The clerk looked up and eyeing him said, forty-two thousand without the matching earrings, of course.

"WHAT?" He couldn't help it. It rolled out of his mouth before he could stop himself.

Chuck looked up then, laughing "Don't worry man, I'll try not to outshine you too much."

Dan just stared at him, "Seriously you are just going to buy her a forty thousand dollar necklace just for the hell of it." His voice was hushed but Chuck suddenly remembered how really different Dan was from the rest of them.

Looking at the clerk he said, "excuse us we'll be right back."

Putting his arm around him and leading him away from other shoppers he tried to explain. "Dan I know it seems really extravagant, but it is all a matter of degrees. Your dad can afford to send you to private school, while some other poor slob has to go to public school, or someone else can't but a new pair of shoes. For me my family is loaded even more than Serena's or Blair's. If I spend forty grand on a necklace it isn't the end of the world, I've seen my Dad buy two million dollar 'I'm sorry I fucked my secretary' rings. It's not like I'm going to do it every day this is for something special. Blair is special."

Dan shook his head, "I get that, I mean I'm trying. Serena is still trying to convince me that a thousand dollars for 'really amazing' shoes isn't stupid. I'm just saying that for this don't you want to get something that has some meaning to it and isn't just shiny and expensive."

Chuck's eyes lit up and his smirk widened, his arm going back around Dan. "You see that is why you are good to have around Brooklyn, always thinking." Dan just shook his head as they continued around the counters.

Then he saw it, Chuck knew it was perfect the minute he laid eyes on it. It was a bracelet but the links were butterflies, each one interlocking with the last. The wings had small marquise diamonds in them and the eyes were emeralds. It was prefect. "That one."

The clerk pulled it out and touching the delicate creature he felt the ones in his stomach beating their wings. "I'll take it." He handed the woman his Black Amex card touching the bracelet one last time before she took it away to wrap.

Turning to Dan with a look of triumph on his face, "Now something for you."

Dan didn't have much money to spend less than a hundred dollars really. "Chuck I don't really need to get Serena anything, this dinner is for Blair."

"Daniel really now, I couldn't let you show up with nothing, Sis would be heartbroken."

Dan cringed; he really hated it when he called her that. Thank god he knew how crazy Chuck was for Blair, and that Blair would kill him if he so much as looked at Serena. Otherwise, he would have insisted Serena move in with him instead of the Basses after the wedding.

"Fine what about that." It was a simple link necklace with a heart on the end. Chuck smiled, "Excellent choice." Motioning to the woman who had been helping them, "That necklace, it's ninety dollars I believe."

Dan was much too busy trying to figure out why he was spending the last money he had in his checking account to buy a necklace for no real occasion that he missed the tone of Chuck's voice. The woman behind the counter however, didn't miss a thing. "Of course, shall I wrap it up?" Dan nodded, too lost in thought to speak.

As they left the woman figured that it was a small price to pay, letting a three hundred and fifty dollar necklace go for ninety when she had sold a twelve thousand dollar bracelet. And if her eavesdropping was correct Chuck Bass had a girlfriend and one with expensive tastes. So she had no doubt her year was about to get much better.


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: Reviews and critiques are welcome

A/N: Thanks to Guard of the Heradi for staying on me to get this out. I never like to say I don't like something I write but this chapter, well the whole Friday scenes, well it just isn't coming out the way I normally like. But I am just trying to get through it. I have another part of Friday I can't seem to finish and after countless rewrites and roadblocks I'm getting this out. I think it gets me where I need to be for the rest of the story. I'm hoping to post more tomorrow. Thanks to everyone for sticking with me.

For Mary: who always encourages me to write.

Chapter 22

Friday – Part 2

Blair waited patiently in Chuck's suite for the impending knock on the door. Ok, honestly she wasn't feeling patient she was feeling schizophrenic. She knew she had to do this but suddenly she wished she'd spent a little more of the day rehearsing something to say. The reason she hadn't is that she was afraid she would over think it and chicken out. Now she was wondering if Nate was even going to show.

Of course she knew in the back of her head that he would, there was no way Nate wouldn't come if Serena asked, even if it was to Chuck's suite. However, now she was wondering how to get him to come in the door. Considering he hadn't apparently run after school to be there she was also hoping that whatever distraction Serena had launched on Chuck that it would hold or things were going to go from bad to Armageddon.

The knock at the door not only jarred her out of her rambling thought, but also jerked her from her seat. Taking a breath to compose herself she walked to the door and opened it to the shocked face of Nate Archibald. "What the hell are you doing here?"

'Well this isn't going to be pleasant,' Blair thought to herself. Trying to be as calm as she could she gestured. "Nate, please come in."

"I think I'll pass." His was looking down his nose at her and from somewhere deep inside she actually got a little pissed.

"Well I think that you won't," with that she reached out and catching him off guard pulled him stumbling into the room.

Slamming the door, she turned on him. "Look I know you don't like me right now, but I have had a VERY difficult week and I need to say some things to you and damnit you are going to listen."

Nate almost blanched. This was not the normal sweet as honey Blair who tried to connive to get what she wanted. Nor was this the hurt and desperate Blair who had come to his house to beg him to be forgiven.

Closing her eyes for a second and trying to refocus she brought her gaze back to his face again. She was the epitome of reserved perfection but something was different, Nate couldn't put his finger on it but it was there.

"Would you like to sit down?" She motioned to the couch. He seemed to be under some sort of spell, unsure if it was just the curiosity of what she wanted to talk about or just to figure out what had changed. He sat on the couch, eying her almost nervously.

She would have laughed at his manner if she didn't need all her resolve to tiptoe her way through the mines that lay before her. Watching him she realized that he was just simply Nate. He wasn't a bad guy he had just lived under the cloud of his family for so long he toed the line just like she did. It had taken Chuck to make her see outside the bubble that was her life, maybe now that she and Nate were apart he could too.

"I wanted to talk to you before I see you back at school on Monday."

He knew she'd been out all week he assumed she was hiding, which seemed about right considering she didn't exactly look sick.

She curled herself back into the chair across from him. She wasn't at all sure where to begin so she tried the beginning. "When you and I were dating I think we both know that things were 'off' for quite awhile. I'm not sure if it maybe wasn't always just not quite right." He was giving her the strangest look like she had just said the sky was green.

"I know I wasn't really what you wanted and I think I realize now that you weren't what I needed. I'm sorry that I didn't see that sooner." She paused trying to decide if he was mad or hurt. It was strange that she couldn't really read him the way she did Chuck she had never really tried thinking he was so easy to decode. Now she knows that she just didn't care enough.

"I guess neither of us were really honest, about a lot of things."

She knew he was alluding to Serena and that was exactly where she wanted to go. "I need you to see that what I did with Chuck and what you did with Serena were different. You've been playing this broken record about how we hurt you and I'm sure we did. But Nate," she pinned him with a look, "you know as well as I do that the second I got in that car to go to Victrola that you and I were done. I might have been with Chuck sooner than would have been smart but I didn't do anything wrong and neither did he. You and Serena had sex while we were still together and you lied about it for months." He hung his head then, and she though maybe finally he was getting it.

"Honestly that isn't even what bothers me." Nate looked up then the surprise evident on his face.

"It's that you pined for her all those months while telling me you loved me. That's what hurt the most. That you went running to tell her how much she meant to you without ever ending things with me. I don't want to be anyone's second choice." She and Chuck had that in common.

"I never meant to hurt you Blair, I just didn't know what else to do." He looked like a little lost boy. She understood, he had been told what to do so much of his life that making any actual decisions was completely foreign to him. Blair knew she hadn't treated him any better she molded him into the perfect boyfriend. Even Chuck had brought what little wild side there was out against Nate's will.

"I know and neither did I. Until now. Some things have happened over the last week and well I've changed. I'm not looking for your support but I thought I owed you the courtesy of telling you in person. The reason I'm here in Chuck's suite is that I'm staying here, for a time. He and I are together."

"WHAT??" he shot up from the couch and took two steps before facing her. "I mean what the hell Blair, he's just using you."

Well that outburst wasn't completely unexpected. She took another deep breath, "Nate he isn't using me. That isn't what it is about. I'm not going to try to explain my relationship with Chuck, not to you, not to anyone. I just wanted you to know because I didn't want you to be blindsided at school on Monday. You may not love me anymore and maybe you don't care at all, but it seemed like the right thing to do."

He paused, the silence seeming to eat at the air in the room. Running his hand through his hair, "I just don't know what you want from me?'

"I'd like to hear the answer to that." They both swung their heads around to stare into the stony face of Chuck Bass. His voice was low, and Blair heard the hurt in it. Damn she really did have the worst luck sometimes.

Ignoring Nate and his "Chuck man, I" or whatever he had mumbled, Blair turned her full attention to Chuck. They trusted each other now, and this moment would dictate where they stood. She said a prayer to every God she had ever heard of for the outcome she wanted.

She held her hand out giving voice to all the love she had in her heart, "Chuck." She showed him in her face that he was the only one in the room that she wanted, but he hesitated for a second just the same.

Finally forcing his feet to move she smiled when he folded her hand in his. He kissed her forehead and crouched down next to the chair. Her other hand came up to caress her cheek. She watched the tension flow out of him but she saw the wariness in his eyes. She needed to finish things with Nate but she wasn't going to do it if it caused Chuck pain.

Her voice soft she breathed across him, "I asked Nate here because I needed to talk to him. Like I talked to Jenny the other night. That helped and I think this will to." When he hadn't reached the level of ease she was searching for she dug deeper into her arsenal. Letting his trademark smirk crawl across her face and her eyes lighten she continued. "Someone very wise told me that I needed to work through any issues that might cause me grief on Monday, and I'm simply heeding their excellent advice." She saw it then, the smallest crack in his mask.

His lip curled up just a bit. "Well I suppose if you are following such good advice you should continue."

When he made no effort to move she went on, "Why don't you go see how Serena is coming with dinner and I'll come down when I'm done here."

His eyes darkened slightly giving her the answer she knew was coming. But she persisted. "Chuck I need to do this. Please."

And he was lost. He knew that she was right, she had to start facing her problems alone, but that didn't mean he had to like it. Rising from his position by her he kissed her cheek whispering into her ear, "Call me if you need me." She smiled and nodded.

He turned and Nate watched his face harden as their eyes met. Nate didn't need to ask he knew that look had felt it before. Chuck would kill him if he hurt her, and for a moment he was sure that he meant literally.

Chuck paused as he reached the door but after another nod from Blair he closed it behind him.

Facing Nate again, "I really appreciate you hearing me out. You should really consider talking to Chuck. Maybe not today," her hesitation wasn't lost on him. "But you should talk to him, you two were best friends and you shouldn't just give that up."

Nate had no idea what to say. Blair was telling him that she was with Chuck, that she had moved on. He should be happy, but it was just too much too soon.

"Blair I don't even know what to say. You are just talking about all this like the whole world didn't just changed in the last few weeks." Nate looked weary and a little stunned. Serena still looked a little that way every time she looked at Blair and Chuck so Blair shouldn't have been surprised that Nate was having trouble catching up.

"I know Nate, I just thought it would be easier if I told you in person before you ran into us at school. I just want to go back to school and have things be as normal as is possible for us."

"I just don't understand Blair, Chuck is a serial womanizer, I mean do you know how many women he's been with some while I slept on that very couch."

Blair shook her head, "That's in the past, I'm not asking you to understand my relationship with Chuck I just need you to accept it. Or actually I don't. I just thought that since we were all friends once, and I was hoping we could be again that I owed you the courtesy of telling you to your face." Suddenly Blair felt empowered. She didn't owe Nate anything and she certainly didn't need to defend her relationship to him. She had been happier in the last few days than she had in years and she didn't care what anyone else thought.

Nate was still standing rooted to the floor with a disbelieving look on his face. Blair sighed she had done what she needed to do the rest was on him. She wasn't going to spend any more energy trying to make him feel better. Every second she stayed here and tried to talk to him she knew Chuck was pacing a few floors up and placating Nate's psyche wasn't worth upsetting Chuck any further.

"Well I'll see you at school on Monday I need to get ready for dinner." Blair stood and began moving to the door.

Nate seemed to snap out of whatever delirium he was in and followed. Standing in the doorway he looked back at her. He shook his head, "He's going to hurt you Blair." His voice told her that he believed it, felt sorry for her.

"Your wrong Nate, he saved me," with that she closed the door on him.

Nate made it to the elevator when Chuck stepped out from behind a wall. "I assume she is in the same good spirits as when I left." His accusatory tone left no question as to how Chuck felt about him.

"She's as good as she could ever be with you." Nate spat out. He knew Chuck could never be good for Blair he hurt everyone.

Chuck smiled then, catching Nate off guard. "Well then everything should be just fine." With that the elevator opened and Nate was left to watch as Chuck made his way back to his suite and to Blair.

Opening the door to the suite he didn't see Blair and felt the worry creep up the back of his neck. Then he saw her standing in front of the bathroom mirror doing some bit of makeup thing around her eyes. Easing the smile back on his face he leaned against the doorframe. "Was there some reason you felt the need to have Serena send me on a wild goose chase while you had your talk with Nate." His voice was even, almost conversational.

Putting down her mascara she turned to him, hoping he would understand or at least accept her explanation. "I just needed to do it on my own. I thought it would go easier without you here and I have to start working through these things alone."

He knew she was right, but he didn't love the sentiment. "You know that you aren't 'alone' though right?" He reached up to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. She smiled and almost blushed, she loved it when he was sappy like that.

"I know I just meant that I need to stand on my own two feet. I think it went well all things considered." She moved past him and stood in front of the closet trying to decide whether to change or not, considering this was her third outfit of the day. Could you confront ex-lovers and have suicide survival dinners in the same shoes. Laughing to herself she felt Chuck wrap his arms around her and pull her against him. "You look beautiful, let's get this dinner over with so I can have some time alone with you tonight."

"Fine, but you're going to get sick of seeing me so much."

"Oh I think I can find ways for us to enjoy countless hours together," the devilish innuendo rolling off of his tongue.

Giggling and feeling a bit hot and breathless Blair decided to change the subject. "So what wild goose chase did S send you on?"

Kissing her forehead as they left the suite he just smiled, "Oh you'll see."


	23. Chapter 23

A/N: Reviews and critiques are welcome

A/N: Sorry this has taken so long to get out. It has been a crazy couple of weeks. This one is short, but the next one will be longer, I promise. Only a bit more to go now. Hope you like this. Thanks to everyone who reviews. I couldn't do this without you.

For Mary: who always encourages me to write.

Chapter 23

Friday – Part 3

Serena seemed to be glowing through dinner. Normally Blair would have been the slightest bit jealous but then Chuck would steal a glance at her and something in his eyes made her forget Serena was even in the room. They all four talked and laughed, even Dan appeared to be having a good time.

When Blair reached for the wine, Chuck beat her to it. "Are you sure you should have another?" His tone was low trying not to call her out in front of the others. Blair stared at him on one hand it was sweet but on the other it was annoying to be told what to do. Unfortunately for Chuck the annoyance won out.

She shifted so she was close to him, but the bite in her tone made sure he knew she meant what she said. "Chuck I know you are looking out for me, but it is only by third glass WITH dinner. Make sure when you are going to risk telling me what to do that it is REALLY necessary." When she pulled back she was smiling, but he got the message. He poured the wine in her glass and nodded. Reaching under the table she squeezed his hand. She didn't want to fight but they were going to have to reestablish their boundaries.

After dessert, Chuck leaned back and said, "Well this seems like the perfect time for presents." He watched as Blair's face lit up, then fell at his next statement, she was so adorable. "So Dan why don't you go first."

Serena turned a surprised face to him and sheepishly he got up and retrieved the bag from behind the bar. Blair turned a look on Chuck when she saw the baby blue bag. Chuck simply smiled and squeezed her hand under the table.

Dan handed the bag to Serena and she pulled out the square box. Opening it she saw the necklace, "Awww Dan". She made that face that she always did whenever he gave her something, like it was the best gift she had ever received. Blair cocked her head to the side, knowing how much the necklace cost and even though she considered it cheap for something from Tiffany's was surprised that Dan could afford it. She felt Chuck squeeze her hand again and glancing sideways at his face knew that he had something to do with it. Smiling she watched as Dan helped Serena put the necklace on, though it took him three tries.

Blair had never really understood their relationship, but she was beginning to. She realized that Dan had probably spent his last dollar to buy that for Serena. He gave her everything he had, his heart, his money, everything. Suddenly Blair felt like crying. She knew Chuck had a fairly endless supply of money and even though the necklace he bought her for her birthday was extravagant it wasn't exactly breaking the bank. Somehow she found herself wishing that he could be sentimental like Dan but that just wasn't who he was.

She was pulled from her thoughts when a similar blue bag was placed in front of her. Chuck didn't like the way her expression had changed, he hoped that what was in the bag would bring the light back to her eyes. She pulled out a long rectangular box, a bracelet she guessed. She was hoping maybe for something that matched the necklace he had already given her, but what she saw upon opening the box was so much better.

She felt the gasp escape her lips as she got her first glimpse inside the box. Her fingers shook just a bit as she traced along the edges of the piece. She couldn't seem to stop the tears that were filling her eyes and threatening to spill over. He remembered. The butterflies, the ones that had started everything, the ones that neither of them could murder no matter how hard they had tried. Those same butterflies were whirling in her stomach right now. When she looked up the tears spilled down her cheeks, she couldn't find the words and she was left with, "Chuck." Her voice so soft so full of everything that those beautiful creatures symbolized.

Chuck was panicking. Why the hell was she crying? He thought it would be perfect, that he that thought of everything. Where had he gone wrong?

Then she threw her arms around him, clutching the box in her hand. "It's so perfect. Thank you so much." She was sobbing now, but he was fairly sure that is what she had said. Chuck wasn't exactly comfortable with the tears but she seemed to be happy so he would have to figure out how to negotiate the rest. This new girlfriend thing was definitely going to be a learning experience.

Pulling back Blair took the bracelet out of the box and let Chuck put it on her slim wrist. She rolled it over the inside of her wrist watching the butterflies' eyes and wings sparkle in the light. Looking up into his face she leaned in and kissed him gently. Her lips grazed over his as she whispered; "Now we both have butterflies."

Smiling against her he replied, "Yes we do."

When they pulled back it appeared Dan was intensely studying the tablecloth while Serena stared at them as though they had three heads that were on fire. Blair ignored the strange look on her friends face and thrust her arm out to show off her new prize. "Look S isn't it the most amazing thing you've ever seen?"

The girls compared their presents and chatted about what to wear with each on Monday. The boys sat back and reveled in the victory of pleasing two of the UES's princesses.

Not long after, mercifully, at least in Chuck's opinion, Dan said he needed to go home. The family was still dealing with Jenny issues and he wanted to try to be there for her.

Blair and Chuck said their thank-yous and goodnights and made their way back to the suite.

As he closed the door behind them he pulled her back into his arms. "Blair what happened today, can't happen again. I know that you needed to talk to Nate but you can't go behind my back like that. You know that it was a big deal and you even had Serena create a diversion so you knew that you were sneaking around. You said we had to trust each other and that goes both ways." His voice was even but she wasn't surprised he said it, just surprised it had taken him this long. She knew she was wrong the second he had walked in the door. Something of her old self had popped up, wanting to skirt the issues and do things her way. She had to remember there were two of them now and she couldn't always do exactly what she wanted.

"You're right. I'm sorry." She ran her finger down his cheek and then laid her head on this chest breathing him in.

He squeezed her tighter. Honestly he never thought it would be that easy. Maybe they were getting better at this.

They were enjoying a very intense make out session; one that Chuck hoped might lead him back to the promised land. Then he heard his phone ring. Cursing he broke away from Blair and leaned back to reach for his phone.

"Let voicemail get it." The pleading in her tone and the low circles her hand was making just above the waistband of his pajama bottoms almost convinced him to do it.

Sighing deeply, "It's my dad I have to get it." Blair nodded immediately and moved back as Chuck swung his feet down to the carpet, "Father what can I do for you."

Shaking his head as he listened he got up and moved to the living room. "I can send it to you in the morning," after a pause, "of course I'll send it now."

Blair watched as he turned on his computer and sat down at the desk. Shaking her head she settled back into the covers and ran her hands over the bracelet adorning her arm. She just couldn't take it off quite yet. It meant too much. Looking over at him again, she couldn't quite make out what he was saying but it seemed to be some intense business discussion. Blair would never understand Bart, sometimes he gave Chuck everything, but withheld the one thing Chuck really wanted, his love.

She swore right then that she would never do that to him. Swore that she would tell him every day how much he meant to her. She loved Chuck Bass, truly what a strange week it had been.

Chuck closed the phone and his eyes followed for just a second. His father was exasperating but in the end told him how happy he was for his success. Shaking off the strange feeling that caused he turned back toward the bed, hoping to resume the activities of earlier in the evening. As he got closer he realized she was asleep. He wanted to wake her up but he knew he couldn't she just looked too perfect. So he simply put his phone down and crawled into bed beside her. Not for the first time he said a little thanks to whatever higher power had allowed him to hold the love of his life. He was happier than he thought possible and he hadn't had sex in weeks, this truly was a strange week indeed.


	24. Chapter 24

A/N: Reviews and critiques are welcome

A/N: Sorry for the delay, I was out of town for my birthday. This was hard for me to write, so be gentle. The fic is rated M so be aware that this scene has some of that. I really hope you all like it. Thanks to Guard of the Heradi and gleechild for all their encouragement.

For Mary: who always encourages me to write.

Chapter 24

Saturday

Saturday morning was amazing. Chuck ordered room service and they had breakfast in bed. Blair was actually beginning to eat like a normal 17-year-old girl. She wouldn't actually put anything bad on her plate, but she would sneak bites of waffles and croissants off of Chuck's plate, and he would pretend not to notice.

After breakfast Chuck had two of the hotels manicurists from the spa come to the suite for a manicure/pedicure. He loved being able to pamper Blair. She made fun of him when she realized he was getting the same services, not that she was surprised. "Please, these hands are the first step in the magic that makes me irresistible." His fingers played across the back of her neck, sending shivers down her spine and her eyes rolling back in her head. Blair couldn't stop herself from giggling like an idiot.

After lunch they snuggled up on the couch and watched movies. Breakfast at Tiffany's was a must and then The Breakfast Club, an homage to the origins of teen drama. Ending the marathon with No Country for Old Men. When Blair spent most of the movie clutching him and her head buried in his chest Chuck decided that more movies just like that were in their future.

As the trailers played, Blair finally pulled herself away from Chuck. She shuttered trying to clear the images from her head. She was definitely not letting Chuck pick a movie for a while. Stretching her hands up over her head easing the muscles that had been cramped and tight for the last two hours. The action also afforded Chuck a nice view as her shirt rode up swaying gracefully across her abdomen. His fingers itched to touch the skin there, but they hadn't really reached the point of overt sexually touching just for the hell of it during the day. As he was about to reach out anyway she turned and spoke, "So what shall we do for diner?"

Chuck's hand shifted and gracefully landed on her thigh. It took a moment for the images of a naked Blair to clear his head. When his gaze caught up to hers he noticed she was wearing a strange look. Before he could speak he felt her fingers on his cheek. He didn't even remember seeing her hand move. Then her eyes changed again, settling, softening. He watched as she moved closer to him until he felt her lips brush his. She deepened the kiss her fingers moving through his hair.

He reached out for her but she shifted under his touch. He felt her push him back as she settled across his lap. Chuck sat further back in the sofa so he could get a better hold on her. Concentrating on any task became difficult as her kisses became more passionate. She forced his head to tilt giving her better access, her tongue searching the inside of his mouth. He was trying to respond instead of just letting her ravage him. Then she moved against him. Rocking her hips pressing into him. He groaned in spite of himself.

Chuck tightened his grip pulling her against him. All his thoughts flew out of his head as her mouth slid down his neck and her teeth found residence in his skin. Her tongue soothed the skin she had just attacked. Blair felt fire rolling through her body. She couldn't seem to get close enough to him. Her fingers began working on the buttons on his shirt giving her access to the skin beneath.

Chuck ran his hands from her knees up her thighs underneath her dress his fingers digging into the flesh of her ass. His thumb found the material of her thong, grazing across the thin strip of lace. Blair's palms spread across his abdomen and moved upward to his shoulders taking his shirt with them. Pushing the material off his body her fingers made a trail down each arm. He gave up his acquired space on her skin to rid himself of the shirt.

Blair shifted again pressing into him, a moan escaping his lips before she silenced him with a kiss. His hands found their way back up her thighs and continued to push the material of her dress up to her waist. When his hands settled around the soft skin of her abdomen he paused suddenly realizing where this was going.

Blair didn't appear to need the time to process the thought, she reached down and gripped the pooled material of her shift dress and pulled it over her head. Chuck couldn't seem to get his mouth to close. She was stunning, he held her in place when she tried to lean back into him. "You are so beautiful." He couldn't take his eyes off her, her smile widened at his words.

Her gaze settled on him, then down onto his lips. He watched her smile turn lustful and needy. Chuck was certain he had never wanted anything more in his life than the woman in front of him. He wasn't about to take that lightly or take her on a couch. Shifting up he pulled her to him and tightened his grip around her waist. She looked up with surprise and he smiled, "Come on, we're going to do this right." With that he lifted her up and carried her to the bed, her feet dangling a foot off the ground her arms wrapped tightly around his neck.

Laying her back across the bed he released her and rose back to stand in front of her. She watched as he unbuttoned his pants and pushed them to the floor. Crawling back to her she felt his skin against hers leaving a tingling trail behind. When he settled on top of her she pulled his head to her, craving another taste.

They rolled to their sides and she couldn't seem to find enough flesh to curl between her fingers. She felt traces of fingers and silk and when her brain caught up she realized that all their clothes were gone. Her nipples stung as they moved across the hair on his chest. Suddenly her head fell back a cry flying up from the pit of her stomach as his fingers moved across the wetness between her thighs. Then she felt him inside her, soft and slow she knew that feeling. The ache was building and she needed more. "Please…" It was all she could manage, but somehow he knew what she wanted. His fingers sped up and his thumb began making circles around the nub that made her dig her fingernails into his shoulder.

She screamed, hadn't meant to, wasn't even sure where it had come from. The flashes before her eyes the waves rolling down her body stole her thoughts, left with only the feelings. Overwhelming feelings rushing through her, she felt his mouth on hers, he moved again and she clung to him in the dark. Her eyes stayed shut until she felt him pull away, "Blair open your eyes." She heard the words, took a second to realize they weren't open.

Looking up she saw him, soft chocolate eyes looking down at her a smirk on his lips but one so gentle it took her breath away. She had to kiss him had to feel him everywhere. And the rush came back. Felt his hands first at her thigh then her breast. He wasn't moving fast, but her senses were on overdrive. It was like he was everywhere at once, then she felt him press against her, heard his voice in a familiar refrain, "You sure?" She was beyond words now the same as then, gave him what she could. She kissed him, her nails raking through the hair on the back of his head.

Blair felt him inside her, every delicious movement, soft and slow, achingly so. "Please, more….faster" She begged, heard it in her own voice, should have been ashamed, she wasn't.

"Shhh…we have all day…and all night." He was purring in her ear, the words caressed her body the way his hands had done. Moving with him she played the rhythm he set for them. Her fingers rebuilt the trail of marks that had long since faded down his shoulder blades. His made imprints in the skin of her ass marking his claim. She heard music maybe it was just in her head, he was everywhere and she couldn't get enough.

Then she knew it was coming saw it in the distance and waited for it to come ashore. She couldn't stop the moans that escaped her lips, the tiny words that said so much. "please…god…chuck" Then like a blinding sunrise topping a hill it broke, immersing her in a vibrating pool of light. It stole her breath and curled her toes, she convulsed in the power of it trying desperately to hold onto the sensations radiating through her. She felt his body stiffen on top of her, heard her name in the distance but couldn't process it. As the peace came and settled around her, she remembered how just a short few days ago the darkness had done that. That she had been robbed of all the good in the world and now it had been given back to her. Was allowed all of the best there was in the universe. Blessed. It was the only word she could find. She held her entire world right below the palms of her hands as they traveled down a smooth piece of perfect skin.

She felt him roll off of her and she felt the chill against her sweat-laden skin. She rolled to her side in search of a blanket then just as she found it he was behind her warming her from her toes to her neck. She curled her body into the warmth, a heavy sigh escaping her lips. He nuzzled into her neck just at her ear, "Don't go to sleep on me now, we are far from finished." She would have giggled if she didn't feel like she was sedated.

"Just for a moment, just hold me." Her voice was soft as a whisper. She was cloudy, felt heavy all over. Peaceful. The first time had been amazing; she had reveled in the newness and the sheer passion of it. The second time she was hurt and needed solace and a safe place to weather the storm. But now, here it was everything. Passion, elation, ecstasy, and finally peace, she had it all.

She suddenly realized that just one week ago she had crawled into this bed to die. Now she was alive, more so than she ever felt possible. The reversal was not lost on her. The shutter that overtook her wasn't really a surprise. But apparently it had startled Chuck. "Blair?" She heard the fear in his voice.

Turning into his arms she looked up at him. Unfortunately for him the tears had come and she couldn't stop them. The alarm on his face was evident, his eyes searching for what had gone wrong. Reaching a finger to his lips, she tried to explain. "That was amazing. You were amazing." Her hand caressed his cheek and her words seemed to be calming him but the concern and questions were still there.

"I just realized how lucky I am. To be here with you, to even be alive, is such a blessing. I don't ever what to lose that, to lose you."

His smile finally took hold when he spoke, "You will never lose me Blair." He kissed her, soft and sweet. She loved it. But now the revelations and declarations were over. Now she wanted all the passion she knew he had. Her grip tightened around him, her kisses intensified.

"Show me what you've got Bass." Her eyes were sparkling, teasing, her smile just a bit evil.

He matched her look, his gaze heavy with lust. "You have a preference?"

"Everything."

She saw his smile widen for a second before he took her lips again and she was lost in the passion again.

Blair reveled in their new games, found pleasure everywhere, even when she thought she wouldn't. Her fingers dug into the expensive silk as he held her down with his hand between her shoulder blades. His hips connecting over and over just out of her line of sight, her knees pressed into the mattress. She felt the jolts and wanted more when he gave it to her, his hand moving under her down her stomach til he found the spot that he knew would make her scream, again.

Looking down at him fingers laced with his she moved. Finding her rhythm sliding forward and back until she found a pattern that sent waves rolling through her. She was lost to the moment, the feel. Suddenly afraid she had lost him, that she wasn't doing it right, she looked down. Saw his mouth open sucking in breath, knew he was with her. Throwing her head back she saw heaven again, heard him yell something, knew he had seen it too.

She felt awkward, as her feet dangled from his shoulders, but only for a second. The ecstasy was still there. His movements quickened, she could see the sweat on his forehead. It was a blur now, should have been too much, too hard, but it wasn't. It was perfection. She trailed her nails down his chest, saw his jaw clench. Funny how quickly she had learned how to give him just the right amount of pain. Then her breath caught as she realized how quickly he had learned to give her just the right amount of everything. It was quick and hard when it came, gone too quickly, but still earth moving.

He collapsed beside her, his breathing labored. It was the first time he didn't get up and rid himself of the condom immediately. She wanted to help but was pretty sure she couldn't move. A few more breaths and he rose, she heard noises and then the bed shifted again and he was pulling her into his arms. She was like a rag doll, but managed to curl her hand in his.

"Love you." It was all she could get out.

"Love you too." It was everything he had.

They were asleep in seconds; completely contend to be in bed on a Saturday night before 11pm.


	25. Chapter 25

A/N: Reviews and critiques are welcome

A/N: I know huge delay. I apologize, and thank everyone who has stuck with me. Just a but more…. Your reviews mean so much, thanks again. Sorry if there are mistakes in this one, didn't get fully betaed.

For Mary: who always encourages me to write.

Chapter 25

Sunday -

Chuck pushed Blair up against the wall hiding them both behind the column at the end of the hall. Her hand on the back of his head bringing him to her as her back hit the wall. She couldn't seem to get enough of him. After last night she was amazed she could even move this morning, but standing here right now she wanted nothing more than to wrap her legs around his waist and try out a new position. Suddenly Chuck pulled away keeping her pinned against the wall when she tried to follow him. He smirked at the look on her face, the lust rolling out of every pore. Normally there would have been a self-satisfied feeling overwhelming him right now, but all he could feel was grateful.

"Hey, easy there. We still have to go back in there with the family. And as much as I would love to continue here, I would like to be able to walk without having to carry my jacket to hide my erection."

Blair giggled, "Well just think of Bart, I'm sure that will cure you."

Hearing his name he came up short in the hallway from his office. He had stepped in there to make a few business calls before dinner started. Stepping back so they wouldn't see him, he continued to listen. Bart knew that information was the key to any situation and there was something different about his son the last few days and he was going to figure out what it was.

"Yeah, that should do it. Thanks." His voice trailing down at the thought of a parent and sex in the same conversation. Smiling back at her. "So Eleanor and Bart are our new safe words?"

She visibly shuttered, "Um yeah no worries about continuing anything fun after that." Resting her head against his shoulder her voice sounded more weary. "What are we going to do about her? You know she is going to drag me home as soon as she comes back. I just don't know if I'm strong enough to deal with her yet."

Chuck wrapped his arms around her and spoke into her hair, "Hey we'll work it out ok. We'll call your dad if we have to." Pulling her head up so she was looking at him, "Everything is going to be just fine, I promise."

She nodded, then put her head back on his shoulder, holding him close.

Bart had never seen Chuck act that way. Chuck didn't hug and he certainly wasn't overtly caring and gentle. Maybe this was what was different. Could Chuck actually be in love? And with Blair Waldorf no less. Wasn't she dating his friend the Archibald kid?

"How much longer do you think we'll be here?" She sounded so tired all of a sudden.

"I'm not sure, Lily plans some extravagant dinners. We can go if you want, I'll make an excuse." She could tell by the tone of his voice he didn't want to leave. He liked being part of the family, even if he didn't feel completely included.

"No, no. I was just thinking I have some more homework to do. I don't want to go back to school and be behind along with everything else." Suddenly her head came up and she smacked him on the shoulder. "Speaking of, Dan just told me that someone," her eyes telling him exactly who that was, "has a history paper due tomorrow on the impact of the French and Indian War on the Revolutionary War."

"What? I was going to do it." His hands were up as if trying to defend himself. His voice smooth and joking

"You mean you were going to pay someone to do it for you. I don't think so, not anymore Bass."

Suddenly he was serious. "Blair the paper is due tomorrow."

"Well then I guess we have a long night ahead." Her eyes glued to his, she wasn't budging.

"Look, I know you want me to take school more seriously and I will. But let's be realistic."

"No Chuck. It has to start somewhere, and if I can go back to school after everything and as your girlfriend," her tone telling him that it wasn't as easy as he seemed to think. "Then you can do this." Placing her hand on his chest her face softening a bit, "I know it is hard, but you are one of the smartest guys I know, you just have to put in the effort and I promise I'll be right there the whole time." Her smile turned into a bit of a smirk, "Maybe there will even be a reward for good behavior."

His face mirrored hers, "Well maybe that would be something." Pulling her close he was about to kiss her when she spoke.

"Besides if you don't have the grades for Yale, I guess I'll just have to find a smart law man to replace you."

He pushed her back into the wall, "Oh that is never going to happen my dear. Yale is going to love us." With that he kissed her, much in the same way that this had all started.

A few seconds later she pushed him off, "remember uncomfortable walking." She turned and reached for his hand. "And I need your head clear, we have to figure out something to keep my mother from tearing us apart."

Taking her hand and kissing it he followed her out of the hall, "We will, we are an unstoppable team you and I." Her smile lit up the room as their hands slipped apart and they made their way back to the rest of the guests.

Bart stood for a minute trying to digest it all. His son was in love and with a reputable woman. And from the looks of things a smart one who could put him in his place. Chuck actually wanted to go to college instead of looking at it as the next thing he would be forced to do. Bart smiled his son was becoming everything he hoped he would be, and it appeared much of the credit was due to the girl in the chocolate curls. Well, he might not have done all the right things, but he could help now. Eleanor Waldorf he could handle, it appeared the rest they could do on their own. Getting out his phone he had one more call to make.

Later….

Blair got up to refill Chuck's drink. She wasn't sure when she became so domestic, but she liked taking care of him. She made it halfway to the bar when a new presence in the room brought her to a grinding halt.

Everyone stared but no one moved. Chuck was sitting in an oversized chair that he had been sharing with Blair less than 10 seconds ago. Dan and Serena were standing near the bar on the other side of the room sipping ginger ale. But now all their attention was focused on the doorway and the man standing in it.

"Nate what are you doing here?" Serena's voice broke the silence; posing the question the other three weren't sure they wanted to ask.

"I just don't get it, after everything he did?"

Blair took a breath, "Nate we talked about this. I thought you understood."

"Well I don't Blair I don't understand how I became the bad guy in this story."

Shaking her head Blair tried again, "Nate you aren't the bad guy, there is no bad guy. This isn't some silly movie it's life and no one is the villain." She turned away from Nate and began walking back to Chuck.

"No? Are you so naïve that you really believe that." Chuck had gotten up halfway through Blair's last speech but Nate's next words stopped him in his tracks.

"He did it you know, outted you to Gossip Girl. He's responsible for all of this. Jenny only told me about him, she didn't start the rumors, only confirmed them." Nate's voice was hollow and cold. She never remembered him sounding that way.

Her gaze was stuck on the floor, just at the spot where Chuck's shoes had stopped moving. Her insides were doing somersaults, her mind whirling as if she were coming unglued. Focusing with everything she had she moved until her feet stopped in front of his. Her hands made tiny fists as if she were willing herself to not unravel.

Taking a short breath she lifted her eyes to his. She didn't need to ask, knew the answer immediately. But she asked anyway.

"Did you do it?"

She wasn't sure but she thought he flinched, an almost untraceable flicker. He hesitated only a breath.

"Yes."

The crack was deafening in the silent room. His face whipped to the left, the red print of her hand against his pale skin. She didn't remember doing it, didn't think, simply reacted. Her hand wavered between them, not quite knowing where it should be. He turned slowly back to her, watched as the first tears trickled out of her eyes.

He had done this, the one thing he never meant to do again, he had failed her. Chuck was usually great with a comeback, an excuse, but he had none. He had no idea how to defend himself, how to make this right.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Her voice was haunting and somber as if she had been broken all over again.

It took him two tries to force anything out. He told her the truth.

"I thought you knew." His voice begging her to believe him, "Then we agreed after the talk with Jenny to put all this behind us. No more talk of what had happened just the future. I always assumed you knew it was me, who else could it have been. I thought that's why you hated me so much."

Blair let out a breath she had been holding since Nate walked in the room. She believed him, saw it in his eyes, knew it in her soul. Chuck was right they were past it all. She wasn't that person anymore. None of it mattered. She had Chuck and that was all she needed. Her hand found a home on his chest, her head soon followed.

"I'm sorry," his voice so soft for only her ears to hear.

"I know."

Pulling her into his arms then, he felt the world right itself again.

"That's it. He gets off scott-free. What the hell Blair?" Nate's voice had a nasty pitch now, but he had no more ammunition.

Blair turned in Chuck's arms, pressing herself back against him. She felt sorry for Nate, everything had changed and he was just catching up. At some point though he had to stop all this and come to terms. They had all done it and now it was his turn.

"Nate I'm sorry that you're not happy with how all this happened. But there isn't anything I can do about that. I love Chuck and that's just the way it is. If you can't except that maybe it is time for you to leave."

The soft gasp from the left side of the room had escaped Serena's lips. She didn't expect Blair to say she loved Chuck, but when she thought about it she wasn't really surprised.

Nate just stared at them. Blair leaned against Chuck his arm around her waist. She had her hand over his; they were the perfect picture of a happy couple. How was it possible that Chuck had the fairy tale ending, his fairy tale ending.

"Chuck is who you want, he cares so much about you? What about when he was telling me to 'seal the deal, tap that ass'" he snapped.

Blair felt Chuck move as if he were going to take a step toward Nate, but she held him back with her body, her hand squeezing his. A smirk eerily reminiscent of the man who stood behind her crept across Blair's face.

Haughtily she replied, "Well it's a nice piece of ass, maybe you should have paid more attention."

A matching smirk appeared on Chuck's face as he pulled her tighter against him.

"As I said Nate, it's time for you to go." Her glare never wavered, her voice never faltered. She was back.

Serena flinched; Blair Waldorf had materialized in front of her eyes in all her glory. Dan saw the couple transform into the one that would rule the city. Few ever had the nerve to try to come between Blair and Chuck again, none came away unscathed.

Hearing the door close behind Nate, Blair let out a breath and turned toward Chuck, basking in the warmth of his embrace. She was glowing with the moment of being in full bitch mode, but it wasn't a place she planned to live anymore. Sighing she pulled back from Chuck to study his face.

She touched his cheek again, locking eyes with him. "I'm sorry I slapped you."

He brought his hand up and captured hers; bringing it to his lips he kissed her fingertips. "I deserved it." His tone telling her again how sorry he was.

"Yes you did," a giggle flowing from her lips, her eyes dancing with his.

Dan hugged Serena from behind watching the cooing couple in front of them. "Do you think the Upper East Side is prepared for them?"

"Not even in the least." Serena replied, but she was getting her friend back. Even her new stepbrother could be tolerable now that Blair was there to keep him in line, well sort-of. She laughed to herself announcing, "all right let's all go out for desert before we have to go to school tomorrow."

Chuck smiled and kissed Blair on the forehead, "Whatever you say sister-dear," with all the smarmy overtones he could manage. Blair giggled.

Serena sighed, 'so much for Blair's support. At least he won't actually, try, to take a bath with me.' Maybe she could get a separate suite like Chuck's, only far, far away.


	26. Chapter 26

A/N: Reviews and critiques are welcome

A/N: Well this is the end. I have plans for an Epilogue if anyone is interested let me know. I hope everyone has enjoyed reading this half as much as I have enjoyed writing it. I'm going to take a little time off to go to Ireland and Scotland (leaving on Friday – sooooo excited). Then I think I'm going to write something before the season starts. Thanks again to all who reviewed, it is one of the reasons I keep writing. You all mean so much to me. Thanks for all the kind words and encouragement. Enjoy…

For Mary: who always encourages me to write.

Chapter 26

Monday –

She tried so hard not to fidget with her hands in her lap, she didn't succeed. She felt the hand slide easily into hers. The slight squeeze eased the tightness in her chest, but she wasn't ok. Blair tried to breathe but it felt labored. She had run all the possibilities in her head and somehow she couldn't shake the fear that seemed to be sliding up her spine.

Chuck read her expressions and knew that she was about to overflow. He hoped that she had gotten everything out in the last few days, but apparently Blair Waldorf's paranoia knew nearly no bounds. Well it was never too late to pull out the big guns, and the Bass charm was limitless as well.

Smiling Chuck turned in his seat until his body was facing hers. "Blair, everything is going to be fine." His voice oozed with confidence and calm.

She sighed, knowing he would see through her, glad that she could finally give it a voice. "I don't know if I can take it. Everyone staring at me, looking down on me, judging me." She turned tear filled eyes on him. Sometimes knowing you are being irrational doesn't always make it go away.

"Well I suppose that we could always change schools, I'm sure P.S. 159 would take us, they have to, public school and all. I mean it could be for the best, look at all the new friends we could make. We could even take the subway to school, think of the adventures."

She stared at him, couldn't help it. In a reasonable and rational tone Chuck Bass had lost his mind. Public school, for a Waldorf and a Bass? Staring at him she tried to picture Chuck in a pair of low slung jeans, Nike shoes, a rock and roll t-shirt, and maybe a denim jacket. Riding the subway. Suddenly she burst out laughing, it was ridiculous.

His smile grew as she leaned into his chest wrapping her arms around him. Relishing the soft laugh trickling past his ears he gave her one last squeeze. Sitting back just a bit she ran her fingers though the edge of his hair at his temple. "Thank you, you always find a way to help me see things more clearly."

Tracing the line of her jaw, his eyes falling to her lips. "No idea what your talking about."

Leaning in she felt his lips on hers, that feeling in the pit of her stomach, those butterflies fluttering. He deepened the kiss moving his hand through her hair to the back of her neck. Suddenly a coughing or possibly sputtering sound could be heard. Their kiss broken, Blair giggled turning to look at Serena hiding behind her hands, Chuck's look was much less amused. "Are you two done yet?"

"Yes"…"No"…

Blair kissed Chuck on the cheek and whispered, "After school."

Serena shook her head, she was going to walk to and from school from now on.

As the car stopped Serena was practically clawing at the handle to get out of the car. Stepping out she saw Dan and ran up to him. He kissed her and gave her a quick hug. She turned in is arms awaiting the official entrance everyone was waiting on they just didn't know it yet.

Inside the car, Chuck squeezed her hand. "Ready?"

Looking into his eyes she knew she was. He stepped around her and exited first. Reaching his hand back he waited for her.

Turning the butterfly bracelet over once more on her wrist she slipped her hand into his. Taking a long last breath she stepped from the car.

Everyone turned, moment by moment. The first wondering why Serena Van Der Woodson seemed to be running from her car. More wondering why Chuck Bass seemed to be waiting on someone inside the car, when everyone knew he waited for no one. And all when they realized it was Blair Waldorf who had returned and on the arm of a Bass.

She watched as the each group gathered in the courtyard tried to decide how they would treat her and she realized it didn't matter. Blair had everything that she needed. An amazing best friend who stood by her when no one else did, the best boyfriend anyone could ask for who gave her everything she didn't know she needed, and for herself she was finally going to be the person she wanted to be.

And suddenly it was more than Enough.

_fin_

_Epilogue??_


	27. Chapter 27

A/N: Reviews and critiques are welcome

A/N: That's it. I hope everyone has enjoyed this story. I hope you like the Epilogue, it is possible I've overdone it but hey it was my last hurrah… Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all who have reviewed, especially those who have been with me since the beginning. I can never tell you how much your words me… Well until next time. Peace.

For Mary: who always encourages me to write.

Chapter 27

Epilogue:

Much to Chuck's displeasure Blair moved home a couple of weeks later. They rarely spent more than a couple of nights apart, even after Chuck moved into the Van der Bass home. They had a strange relationship. Bart nearly choked on his coffee one morning when Blair came out of Chuck's room wearing his pajama top and said a polite good morning, and then took two coffees back into the room. She and Chuck emerged a while later acting like any normal forty year old married couple, her straightening his tie and him telling her he'd see her at home after his meeting. Lilly simply patted Bart's knee and smiled over her tea.

They went to France the summer after their junior year. Blair and Roman bonded. Possibly because Chuck took Harold on a trip to Africa to tour some coffee factories and left them there alone. Blair railed at him on the phone for days for leaving with her father, but after the 8-day trip she and Roman were like best friends and Chuck was forgiven.

Senior year was good all around. Blair was the Queen-B but it wasn't really like before she let the other girls' gossip and run around. She simply made sure the social and charity events were top notch and left the rest to the others. Jenny and Blair were never really close friends, but they were civil and Blair tried to teach her what she could. Blair would never know what it was like to be the poor girl and as much as she had changed she was still Blair Waldorf.

Chuck and Nate finally made up at the beginning of senior year. Nate seemed to realize that Blair and Chuck were a couple and it had nothing to do with him. Blair and Nate were friendly but they would never be as close as they once were, which was fine with Chuck, that would be a wound that he would nurse for years. Nate began to date Vanessa, she seemed to suit is more low-key side. The four tried to go out several times but it generally ended badly until Vanessa watched Blair take a girl by the hair in the bathroom and hold her under the tap at the sink. The girl had made the mistake of passing her number to Chuck while Blair was dancing, Chuck thought it was funny Blair was not amused. Somehow watching Blair protect her territory Vanessa finally saw her for what she was. Yes she was snobby and bitchy but dating Nate showed Vanessa that the UES was a tough world to live in and Blair did what was necessary to protect what was hers. The mutual respect and the fact that neither spoke of the evening again went a long way to making it all work out.

Dan and Serena were close as ever, though they often fought about his ideals or her past or their future. Chuck told Serena all he wanted for Christmas was for her to not fight with Dan for at least two months. While initially he didn't mind Dan crashing on his sofa spinning some sad yarn about Serena, when it interrupted his 'play time' with Blair he got annoyed. Blair either wanted to console Dan or refused to have sex with Dan in the room. Either way Chuck lost. After that if Dan showed up, Chuck called Serena and told her to come over for one reason or another. Then he would stand between them while they glared and say, "you love her, she loves you…now go have sex, somewhere that is not here." Usually that seemed to work, whether from embarrassment or being the truth he didn't care.

Blair and Chuck broke up once, for six whole hours. Neither could remember what the other was screaming about when it started or ended, just some slamming doors. Blair went and hid out at Dan's thinking that would be the last place Chuck would come. Trouble was Chuck didn't come, he didn't know what to do. He simply sat down on the floor and drank until he couldn't hold the glass up any longer. Blair cried about the fight and then was hysterical when Chuck didn't call or try to find her. Serena was in London with Eric visiting their dad and Dan was at a loss. Finally he got her drinking, a lot, and then he put her in a cab and guided her back to Chuck's place. When he got there Chuck was in the floor, bottles next to him barely able to hold his head on his shoulders. When he saw Blair he slurred something akin to "Baby" and Dan laid her in his lap. When he left Chuck was just stroking her hair. They both woke up the next morning and neither remembered the fight for almost two days. When Blair put the pieces together she bought Dan a first edition Hemingway, Chuck said "Thank you". They were equally priceless.

When college acceptance came around Blair got into Yale, Dan to Brown and Serena to Princeton and Nate and Vanessa to UCLA. Chuck did not get a letter that week. Blair marched into Bart's office and informed him that he would move heaven and earth and build Yale a whole new campus if that is what it took to get Chuck in. He hadn't been a good father for a lot of years and his bribing everyone in Chuck's way had set a bad precedent. Though Chuck had done well in school since he and Blair had been together there was a lot to make up for. She tapped her foot and said she wasn't leaving until he picked up the phone. When he reached for it she pointed her finger at him and said, "Get it done." When she left the office he put the phone down with a huge smile on his face. That girl had spirit, he thought she'd make a fine Bass someday. Bart had made the call two days before.

Graduation night came and Chuck threw a huge party at Victrola. After it was over on the limo ride home, he proposed. He wanted to make sure all those Ivy boys knew she was spoken for. She flew into his arms and didn't come out for two days. When they did make it out in public there was no question about what the six-carat brilliant cut diamond solitaire represented.

Dorm life was hard on them, not quite as carefree as being at home, and certainly didn't afford them the privacy. School was hard and Chuck was still getting used to all the studying. However, he held down solid B's to Blair's mostly A's. They all tried to visit occasionally or have a weekend in the city but really it came down to Christmas and spring break. One at home the other in Monaco. Both memorable.

Sophomore year had its problems. Blair and Chuck had been together for almost three years and one women's studies class and some new friends later and they broke up for the second time. This time it lasted more than six hours. Blair watched her friends date and break up, have those first crush feelings and she started to feel like she was missing something. Blair told Chuck she wanted to take a break, just for a month or so. She wanted to date other people and he could to, she promised that there would be no sex. He sat calmly and listened praying she was joking. She wasn't. After she left he broke almost everything in the room.

A week later and Chuck hadn't been to class in days; the resident assistant was threatening to kick him out. Dan called and when Chuck didn't answer the phone in a coherent voice for two straight days he drove out. He arrived to find Chuck as far-gone as he had ever seen him. Based on the empty bottles in the room it was a wonder Chuck wasn't dead. After another week he really needed to go back to school, so he finally went to see Blair. From what Serena said she had been out on a different date every night and was having the time of her life. When she opened the door to her room Dan saw the truth. Shaking his head he simply pulled her into a hug and looked at her. Reaching his finger to the side of her neck he lifted the heavy chain out from under her shirt with the even heavier diamond on the end. Laying it on the outside of her shirt he leaned in and kissed her forehead and said "The grass isn't greener Blair, listen to your heart." She simply nodded. Ten minutes later she was helping a plastered Chuck into bed, he saw the ring around her neck and took ahold of it the question written on his face. "I promised that I would never take it off and I didn't and I never will."

They were married the Christmas of their junior year, Chuck wasn't taking any more chances. It was a beautiful small ceremony. The reception at the Palace was on the other hand ridiculously excessive. Harold and Roman both gave away the bride. Serena was maid of honor and Elizabeth and Rachel were bridesmaids. They were Blair's freshman suite mates. Dan was the best man and Nate and Erik were groomsmen. Lilly and Eleanor drove Blair nuts until she finally said she didn't care they could do what they wanted. She would grow to regret that somewhere between the 7th course of dinner and the four different musical act that were keeping her from her wedding night. They spent their first night as husband and wife in Chuck's old suite, room 1812 had been the first place they said I love you, the good memories washing away any bad.

Graduation arrived and then it came time to decide what to do. Bart presented them with an enormous penthouse in a newly renovated building overlooking the park. Blair went to work in the marketing department for the company that published Vogue. Chuck went to work for his father. He had been running Victrola since he was seventeen; there were eight of them now from Paris to London to LA. He found he and Bart actually worked well together.

Dan called to tell Chuck he wanted his help in picking out a ring for Serena. Chuck said sure then promptly picked up the phone and called Lilly and convinced her to offer up the Van Der Woodsen ring. She wasn't exactly using it anymore. On the other hand, the Archibald diamond looked a bit out of place on Vanessa's hand but for some reason she loved it. Being a filmmaker in LA though ostentatious was the norm. Chuck had been surprised to be asked to be in the wedding, but Blair had been floored. Apparently it was hard to make good friends in SoCal, or maybe they just needed people to round out the 8 bridesmaids and groomsmen. It was a ridiculously large affair but completely laid back and on a beach. Anne Archibald had never looked more out of her element. Except perhaps on the red carpet with her son and daughter-in-law when Vanessa was up for an Oscar, she won.

Chuck was relieved when he didn't have to hear about any more wedding planning the day Dan called and said to pack a bag for a quick trip to Vegas. One visit to an Elvis impersonator later and S was Mrs. Serena Humphrey. Lily had nearly come out of her skin. Chuck enjoyed being the good child for once. Erik had moved in with this artist boyfriend of two months a week earlier.

Eleanor and Blair finally came to an understanding when Blair laid Charles Harold Bass in her arms. At six pounds and seven ounces he was a beautiful brown haired brown-eyed little boy. Charlie would be the darling of everyone's eye. Until they realized he had gotten his mother's temper and his father's penchant for trouble. His parents however thought he was perfect.

Bart came into Chuck's office two days later and handed him an envelope. Chuck raised his eyebrow but when Bart said nothing he opened it. His mouth dropped open on it's own but when he looked up to speak Bart was closing the door behind him. Looking down Chuck read the contract clearly. It was a transfer of 50.1 of Eleanor Waldorf's clothing line from Bart Bass to Charles Harold Bass. Flipping the pages Chuck soon realized the significance. Bart had purchased a controlling share in the company in 2008 around the same time as Eleanor had thrown her hands up and told Blair to see whomever she liked. Chuck couldn't figure out how Bart knew, they hadn't even told him at that time they were together. He had proof on paper that his father loved him, the tears flooded his eyes without his permission, he allowed himself to shed one.

Charlie was less than pleased initially to meet Audrey Waldorf Bass. His baby sister was a screaming crying mess that took all of his mother's attention and a lot of his father's. At three he didn't much care what anyone thought, but when Chuck sat him down and said that he was disappointed in him and he was breaking his mother's heart he changed his tune. He had tried to smother his sister just a few minutes before, and not for the first time. Charlie never wanted his father to look at him like that again.

After a long talk Charlie understood his new responsibility to protect his sister. It was something he took seriously for the rest of his life, much to her chagrin when she wanted to date in high school. Audrey looked just like her mother but with her father's wicked grin. She loved to sit and watch her mother get all made up for a party, but at heart she was a daddy's girl. Charlie would have never admitted it but he adored his mother. When he was in a mood she was the only one who could talk to him. He and Chuck often clashed; they were simply too much alike. But Charlie always knew his father loved him.

They were a happy family, as much as one could be. They fought and made up and moved on. Chuck worked a lot but tried to never be gone for more than three days in a row and if he was home he was always there for dinner. Blair stopped working and took up charity work full time after Audrey was born. She saw such a huge need in the city, so many hungry and needy children. The Bass foundation sponsored projects all throughout the city and Blair oversaw all of them. Chuck and Bart would simply smile and write the checks.

After a long day Chuck found her out on the balcony staring at the lights on the horizon. Wrapping her in his arms, "Hey everything ok?" She heard the concern in his voice, and she remembered she had been a bit abrupt on the phone earlier that day.

"Yes, fine. Just taking a breath, it was a long day." Leaning back against him she closed her eyes reveling in the love she felt for him. It amazed her every day when she seemed to wake up and love him even more.

"And…" Nuzzling into her neck he waited for the rest.

She smiled, "You know me so well."

"Of course I do." Blair always wondered how smugness seemed so adorable on Chuck even after all these years.

"I went to the battered women's shelter today." He felt her sigh as she got the words out. He tightened his hold on her knowing she always got upset when she went to visit the charities she worked so hard for. Especially the ones with women and children.

"There was a woman who seemed so young, she had two small children two and four I think. She started talking about how hard her life was and that she had tried to kill herself a couple of times thinking everyone would be better off without her. And suddenly I was hugging her and telling her that I had tried to kill myself once too."

Chuck froze. Blair hadn't talked about that part of her life since a few months after it happened. He wondered if she was still bothered by it and just never said anything.

Continuing without seeming to draw a breath, "I couldn't seem to help it, I don't think I have said that out loud in over 10 years and suddenly I was telling this stranger. Somehow it seemed to help her though, she asked what I did after and I said that I had some people who helped me through it and that was what she had now. I told her that we were going to help her, all of us at the shelter and we would figure it out."

"I think back now and wonder how I could have thought things were so bad. I don't know maybe if I would have done something different." She seemed to fall into him a bit more as if the air was coming out of her.

"Blair you can't worry about the past, it's done. Every choice takes us down a path to where we are now. Our path has led us to a pretty amazing place." Chuck's voice was so smooth and low, one he used for the rare serious conversation.

Turning in his arms and looking into his chocolate eyes and smiling. "My husband the philosopher." His soft smile curled into a smirk.

"And you are right I wouldn't change a thing."

"That's my girl." Leaning in he found her lips eagerly awaiting his. As the passion in the kiss grew he shifted and pressed her back against the balcony railing his hand sliding up and into her hair. Her mouth turned against his giving her more access to drink him in. Just as his hand pulled the silk fabric of her blouse free from her skirt and found the soft silky skin beneath, their alone time was at an end.

"MOM!!"

"I didn't do anything."

"Yes he did, he stole my doll. The special one you gave me Daddy."

Chuck leaned his forehead against Blair's silently commiserating with her over the loss of the moment.

"DADDY, are you even listening to me."

"Of course I am honey." Chuck tone was so sweet most people wouldn't have recognized it. Luckily Audrey wasn't old enough to recognize the patronizing tone to it yet.

"Dad I didn't do anything, I swear." Blair had to laugh, Charlie sounded just like Chuck, guilty as hell.

Smiling, she watched Chuck pick up seven-year-old Audrey and intently listed to her rant. Ten-year-old Charlie was pulling on his sleeve pleading his innocence. Blair couldn't have been more happy. Chuck was right, everything happens for a reason.

And now she had so much more than Enough, she had everything.

Fin.


End file.
